Whatever, welcome aboard. Your story is so much like how mine started. I had back problems and was prescribed pain meds, I used to gut out the back pain so I could take the pills on the weekends because I like the "high". I started with taking about 10 mgs on every 3rd Friday. This progressed to 10 mgs every 2nd Friday. Then it progressed to 15 mgs every 2nd Friday. And it was no big deal, just like the warm fuzzies it gave me. Never had to worry about withdrawal as when you only take once every 2 weeks no withdrawal. Well I progressed to taking them every Friday, then Friday and Sat nights. Then it was Friday, Sat and Sun nights. This is where withdrawal came into play. Usually Tues withdrawal would hit and Tues, Wed and part of thurs was suffering from withdrawal. Not your brute force type of withdrawal, but enough to make life uncomfortable (runny nose, aches, stomach distress, the runs, etc...)
Well this progressed to taking the pills everyday. When the amount reached 20 10mg pills per day I went to the pain specialist and switched to duragesic patch to eliminate the acetaminophen as it was way over the limit allowed per day and I valued my liver. Well the duragesic patch allowed me to maintain, not get a buzz, but keep from withdrawal. The additional 10mg hydros I took provided a buzz.
The lights go on and you realize, you get to a point where all your doing is taking pills to keep from getting sick, no buzz just keep from getting sick. You also realize that to jump off the train means a high price to pay and meeting up with severe withdrawals.
I think I would be safe saying there are many many here who have followed a similar path to mine.
I would strongly recommend to you that you are at a key pivotable point and you can jump off the train now without to much distress from withdrawal. If you don't jump off now you are headed for a big train wreck. Trust me your creative juices and thought processes will return as they had before drugs intervened.
Just words of experience and hope you don't follow my path, I hate to see people have to suffer like I did, suffer physically and mentally.
My life is wonderful now, drug free for over 6 months and I know that is a path I will never travel again. Just to let you have some perspective, I started this road when I was 45 (active marathon runner) and I'm now about to turn the big 5-0 so it happens to us old geezers but we old folks can also get right. I'm thinking to start at 50 clean and free for the final push is what my life is all about.
Take care and keep us up to date with YOU.
phil
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