best friend admitted she has a drinking problem - Addiction & Recovery Message Board

Kalie · 07-15-2003, 08:14 AM

Hi there. I'm hoping that you can give me some advice. One of my best friends finally admitted that she has a drinking problem. She is a "functional" alcoholic in that she doesn't drink at work, but gets drunk every night when she gets home. When we go out together she can't have one or two drinks, it's always more like 10.

Here's my question...how can I support her, and maintain our friendship and lifestyle without functioning as an enabler? I guess that means that the "lifestyle" part has to change? For example, one of our friends is performing in a bar tonight so we are going to see him -- probably not the best place for her to be. What do I do?

I appreciate any advice you can offer!

okieatheart · 07-15-2003, 08:17 AM

Has she been trying to stop? I think your right that a bar is not a good place to be until she has it under control some. I know there are alot of knowledgable people here on this subject so keep an eye out! Good Luck!

Oldtimer · 07-15-2003, 09:49 AM

Kalie,
It's a really hard decision to make. If you go to bars with her, the AA'rs would say you were "enabling". If you refuse, then you may have problems with the relationship. From my own experience, I can tell you that only when SHE is ready to do quit for HERSELF will it happen. You could refuse to go to the bar which is called "tough love"--it's your call. Do encourage her to seek professional help when she brings up the subject. The other thing you might try is going to an Al-anon meeting--people there know exactly what you are dealing with and probably could help. That might be best. Hope this helps a little.......Linda

Kalie · 07-15-2003, 10:03 AM

She knows she has a problem, but she doesn't really want to quit. She's always talking about "cutting down". We've been partying together for 5 years, so we've definitely established this crazy patterns for ourselves. It's kind of like we can't even watch TV together without at least having some wine, although in her case it usually turns into a bottle or more.

She (one of my best friends) is married to my husband's best friend, so if I avoid her, my husband doesn't get to spend time with his friend. Argh! I can see how difficult it is for people to quit drinking -- it's so hard to remove oneself from tempting situations.

Linda and ok, thanks for the advice you've already offered. Here's another question, have you ever heard of someone successfully "cutting down"?

Oldtimer · 07-15-2003, 10:16 AM

Kalie,
I cut way down but replaced it with opiates so now I have a drug problem and that's no good. But to answer your question, There is lot's of intelligent, documented evidence that a person can successfully cut down but it takes tremendous self-discipline. Usually the first drink sets the scene for another and another, etc. Also, as you know, it becomes a way of life. What's a party without cocktail hour?? For me, I stopped drinking when I ate dinner or fell asleep. Dealing with total abstinence is a frightening thing since alcohol really becomes a person's best friend. But I repeat, if she's motivated, for whatever reason, it's possible but lots of habits have to be changed for it to be successful. Linda