she just wont stop...how can i help her? - Addiction & Recovery Message Board

LiLSqrt75 · 07-12-2003, 03:01 PM

to make a long story short...my sister-in-law keeps having babies and they test positive for drugs at birht and get taken away from her by the state.

i have custody of two of them but she is due to have her 4th baby in three days and i just can't seem to make her understand. she has been in counciling groups for over a year but skips group all the time and hasnt taken 1 UA (drug test) through-out her entire time there, which she is supposed to do 3x's a week.

she is still living in the drug infested neighborhood with the abusive boyfirend who is 25 yrs older than her and she wont leave him. she went to a half way house but left it within 17 days because she didnt know what her so called boyfriend was doing. the state gave her 1 year to get her kids back and she failed but she honestly believes that the state isnt going to step in with this new baby she is having. thats how wrong her thinking process is. she has a 3yr old, a 2yr old a 11 month old, and she is due in 3 days with #4.

has anyone been in a situation like this before whether in my shoes or my sister-in-laws shoes?
i don't know what goes on around her house and why its so hard for her to leave. i need help and so does she.
she can't live with me and she can't live with her parents. she wont stay in a group home or a half way house. she says her friends are GOOD people that she can stay with, but they all do drugs.

any thoughts or opinions???????

Geneva · 07-12-2003, 05:15 PM

There really isn't much you can do for her. She has to want to change.
Let's just pray that she gets her tubes tied. It is not right to keep bringing children into the world that are not loved and care for by their own parents.

okieatheart · 07-12-2003, 06:19 PM

One of my friends sisters is about 24,she has had 3 kids(all diff,dads) her mother has the oldest who is 7 and the other two who are around 5 and 2 were adopted by the same family.Although she does stop drugs during her pregnancies she picks right back up where she left off.She won't have her tubes tied and said one time "I want to keep a baby when I get married!(just wanted to smack her!) She also lived in a home for unwed mothers,had the alcoholic,cheating boyfriends,etc,etc.If she is doing the same stuff you may have to call childrens services.Are you willing to take the 3rd child?These girls have a glitch somewhere and the kids are obviously the ones to suffer.Does she see any of her kids? I wish I had some encouraging words for ya but unfortunately you know no changes are coming.....If she didn't do anything for the 1st,2nd or 3rd why would she for this one!?!?! I'm sorry to hear about this.......please keep us posted!

LiLSqrt75 · 07-12-2003, 07:33 PM

thank you geneva and okieatheart for your responses

it's amazing that someone else has said the same exact thing my sister-in-law said. she said "i don't want my tubes tied because i want to make sure i get to keep at least one of my babies." unreal hugh?
to answer your questions okieatheart...no she doesnt see her children...CPS (child protective services)put her on a 1 year plan. if she went to counciling 4x's a week and took UA's(drug tests) randomly 2-3x's a week then she could have a once a week visitation with her children and then after the year she would get them back. well, she never got a single visitation the whole year because she never once went a whole week of counciling nor did she ever take a UA. not 1!

the one year plan is over and she is not getting her kids back that i have been taking care of. her 11 month old was taking from the hopital at birth due to drugs in the babies system and the godmother is adopting her.
yes i am willing to take this next baby that she is having in 3 days but physically i can't.
i have cutody of her 3yr old and her 2yr old, plus i have my own kids that are 4yrs old and 2yrs old. plus i just found out i am pregnant with a high risk pregnancy myself. not because of drugs mind you. pregnancies are very hard for me but my sister-in-law seems to have no problem popping out a baby every year while using drugs....i dont get it...anyways i wish there was a way to make her see reality because she honestly thinks that the state is not going to step in on this next baby.
CPS did a background check on her boyfriend and they said at the beginning that if she stayed with him she would never get her kids back.... well she is still there even though for the whole year she says her kids are more important to her than he is. she knows that she is not getting her kids back but she still says theres got to be a way for her to get them back....i dont understand her. has the drugs really screwed her mind up that badly? i am so at a lost of what to do. she calls me all the time asking how her kids are and acting like nothing is wrong. i am going CRAZY.....

okieatheart · 07-12-2003, 07:47 PM

Geez girl!!! What a card she is! I must say you have your hands full to with 4 lil ones and 1 on the way(congrats!) Mine are 6,5,3,3..twins....all boys........How long have you had her kids? Will you get to adopt them soon? Does she try to talk w/ the kids,do they know about her or are u mommy to them?(sorry,full of ???s here..I just find some situations truely amazing...What kind of drugs was/is she on? Is the 11 month ok now? So when she has the babies does the state just come in and take them away at the hospital? Too bizarre! That girl I was telling about,she has an "open-adoption"with the 2 youngest and she does the same thing...shows people pics of em acts like its no big freakin deal! Amazing! I think if someone gives up more than 1 child they should automatically tie their tubes,singe em,hysterectomy,something! Do you know who will take this baby?