 Lost it today.
Hi -
Last night, I decided to take one of the sleeping aids they gave me at the outpatient clinic - it's doxepim, an antidepressant that's sedating. So, it knocked me out cold - I could barely get to the bathroom in the middle of the night -- and I couldn't get up (I felt like I was on thorazine or something); but I had that a meeting to go to there.
I go there, still feeling very very out of it. And there's a group of people, I sat there thinking I'll just sit through it; people were laughing, chcking in, etc. and suddenly I couldn't stand being there. I had a sort of panic attack and bolted out of the room; everyone muttered are you OK??? And then - I broke down sobbing in the pharmacy area - I was so embarassed, but mostly I felt so horrible, depressed and just exhausted and panicky at the same time.
Now I feel just groggy - still - from I think the medication I took last night. I have spent all this time alone ... trying to get through this exhaustion, trying to have one ok day - and it's not coming and I'm scared...I really am.
I know I cannot continue to feel this way, and I fear relapsing. I wanted to be able to relate to a human being -- but I was unable to today and it made me feel that much more isolated.
I'm sooo tired, yet the back of my neck is tense & stiff. There's gotta be a better way....
Kitty
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