mike99

Hey okie, I'll try not to hose everything up this time!
(And I'll try not to bore you to death).

Basically, I smoked alot of weed from age 13 until age 22, when I had my first back surgery, and discovered prescription narcotics. I had 7 surgeries altogether; 5 laminectomies on my lower back at L5-S1, and a 6th surgery there during which they put in instrumentation and cages, plus I had an anterior cervical fusion at my C5-6 level. My story is pretty run of the mill - started with vicodin, ended up on oxycontin, dilaudid, etc. From the ages of 26 through 33, I usually saw 3 doctors at a time, since I was seriously abusing the pills. The last year of my use I was chewing an 80mg oxy every hour of the day, and eventually wasn't getting high anymore, just avoiding getting sick. My insurance company through a fluke (I love how God does His thing...) figured out what was going on, and refused to pay for any more pain medication. So, I scrambled to find help (I certainly had stolen in the past to get my drugs, but I wasn't THAT good at it!) and went inpatient for a 10 day bupenorphine detox (that's all my insurance company would pay for). I followed directions, went to NA (and AA also; I never used alot of alcohol, but when I read the AA big book, it was certainly describing me. My sponsor actually worked me through the 12 steps out of the AA book ...), got a sponsor, and worked the 12 steps. My life turned around COMPLETELY. I had NO desire to use drugs any more, even though they were in my face quite often, and I had some pain that would pop up for a week here and there (nothing, though, like the constant pain I've seen some folks on this forum describe, so don't think I'm some kind of superman!) Anyway, last Sept. I got in a car accident and ruptured my C6-7 disc, was flown by chopper to our area Shock Trauma unit at the University of Maryland, and was immediately given intravenous dilaudid. I'm not sure if my addiction kicked off quite that quick, but I DO know (if I am honest with myself) that I enjoyed having that feelin again, and secretly felt I liked having this "legal" relapse. Well, I had no health insurance, it took 9 months for the car insurance to pay, blah blah blah, and of course, by then, I was addicted to the pills again, although this time I didn't get near oxys, I took mostly 10mg percocets and vicodins. (I even abused a supposedly non-narcotic drug called Ultram. It IS a narcotic, just works on a different, previously unknown opiate receptor, and the DEA is planning to add it to the list of scheduled drugs next year). Anyway, when I tried to quit the drugs I found, of course, that I went into serious withdrawal, so I am now on day 8 of an outpatient suboxone detox. I have another week left.

Sorry if all that was long and boring. Anyway, I have church again tonight (I go Tues, Thur, and Sat for a one hour service, beside Sun morning of course). I'm not a zealot, per se, jsut a messed up drug addict who finds peace sitting in a nice quiet church, listening to psalms being sung by a small choir, praying for my friends and family, and spending some quiet time with GOd - the world gets SO busy. I will light a candle for you again tonight. Hang in there - if God answered me when I prayed for myself (God, I'm messed up, PLEASE help me!), he will certainly answer a prayer lifted up on behalf of someone else. I believe God really loves to help us when we are very low, just so we know that it was Him who helped us, and not just that we tried a little harder or something.

Anyway, I'll try to spend a little more time on line tomorrow. Today has been CRAZY at work, and I don't have an internet connection at home (GASP!). From the looks of things, you've got some GREAT support on this forum, and folks who definitely have alot better stuff to say than I do! Not slamming myself, I just try to live in reality as much as possible, since I didn't even come and visit it when I was using...

And hey, if you ever have something else or someone else that you would like me to pray for, just let me know. Same goes for anyone else reading this - I try not to push myself on anyone, or be a holy roller or something. It's actually for a pretty selfish reason - when I'm thinking about other people, I'm not thinking about petty little things that I used to use as excuses for using drugs. Plus, it feel good to help people instead of hurting them, like when I was using.