How was your golf game? I heard your son beat you!!?? Is that true??!!! Ha, ha that is so nice you can share that time with him, & that he can do it so young. My fiance's parents are avid golfers & swear my daughter is going to golf very early!! She already has a club (she's 18 mos old!!)
I worked today for the 1st time w/out true opiates. I bartend one morning a week at the airport. It's a good shift, very busy, make good money and then I'm home w/my daughter for the rest of the week. Until school begins again in less than 2 weeks.
But it was weird, driving home from work is where I usually pick up some pills and I wanted to get off the exit so bad, but not b/c I wanted to get high, but I guess it was nostalgia?? I don't know, that is my main thing that I need to get out of. When things get me upset or when I have to get something done and "need" more energy I would pop a pill. But now...not on as big a scale I don't take all my pills in the am I take 16 and then a couple hrs later take 4 and then a couple hrs later take another 4. Do you think I shouldn't be doing it that way? When I first saw the dr he said some do it that way, but it doesn't make a diff it's all in their head. What do you think? I think it's imp to break the cycle of pill popping, but I don't want the cravings of that cycle to mess me up.
Also, I wanted to ask you if you could explain the diff of NA vs AA. Do some prefer one over the other are they different? I have never been to either one.
Hope you & hope are having a great weekend!!
Gabbi . . . hang in there. You've made a huge change in your life and your mind and body will do everything to get you to use just one time. I know my husband takes all of his Suboxone in the morning . . . he can answer the question about spreading it out. Addicts to tend to think/behave alike though!!
Take care and hope you have a great weekend (better than last!!).
The golf game was fun. And, yes, he did beat the old man.
I know what your saying about the desire to take certain exit ramps, etc. I think it becomes such a natural part of our existence when we are in active addiction that we feel like something is missing when we get clean and don't repeat those same old destructive behaviors we have been involved with. Doesn't it feel great though that you didn't stop to get something?
I don't see anything wrong with you spreading your dose of the suboxone out over the day. I take mine all at once first thing in the morning but I think it's whatever you are comfortable with. My doc told me it is so long lasting that it really doesn't matter.
As far as AA and NA are concerned, they both have the same basic principles and the meetings are generally ran the same way. From my experience, I've found that there is usually much more sobriety time in the AA groups. However, I think that's more a function of the fact that AA has been around for so much longer. But, as I stated before, there really isn't a difference program wise -- the foundation of both are the 12 steps.
Just as long as you find a meeting that meets your needs, it really doesn't matter whether it's NA or AA IMO.
Thanks for the insight, this was a much better weekend than last!!! It did feel so good not to stop, it was like "passing" by an old friend. (who wasn't really a friend!!) and saying yea I don't need you anymore, it felt really good!!
Some people I have talked to seem more partial to AA, but I didn't know why. That makes sense about attending meetings where there is more sobriety then focusing on continual relapses. Tc
I've been to some great NA meetings so don't rule them out because they were really good for me at first since there are a bunch of folks at the NA meetings who have a problem with opiates and discuss their problems openly. Whereas, you are not likely to hear much about opiates at an AA meeting.
thought i'd add in my own two cents about AA versus NA. Personally, I prefere NA, for a couple of reasons. First, obviously you are going to get a lot of people addicted to narcotics...and alot of those will be pain pill users. Second, I've always felt more comfortable with NA, in that I could talk about my addiction. In many AA meetings I've been to, there was a thought that you could only talk about alcohol, or addiction in general. People whose primary problem wasn't alcohol really weren't welcome. Alot of people in AA use the 12 traditions to back up their "exclusion" of other drug users. In fact, in some of the meetings I've gone to (AA) if you introduce yourself as "an addict" you can see the uncomfortable looks and glances...I know one man who was asked to NOT come back to an AA meeting because he was looking for fellowship and help from a drug problem.
Now, let me add a disclaimer that I have also been to plenty of AA meetings where every addiction under the sky was discussed and welcomed. But I just feel more comfortable in NA meetings, where I can talk about my pill abuse and I know that many other's around the room not only can be sympathetic, but they KNOW because they did it too. Just like when someone talks about drinking 2 fifths of vodka a day, and blacking out at work, and getting five DUI's...well I can understand on an addiction level, but then again I can't relete because the mere thought of drinking that much and having a hangover makes it really easy for me to ignore alcohol completely.
But when someone talks about pill use, or morphine, or fentynl, or oxy's, I can relate on a different level. Again, for me, I like the meetings where I can be completely comfortable and forthcoming with all that I have done in my addiction, and feel comfortable to ask for whatever help I need, without worrying that a stringent AA oldtimer will cut me down for not sticking to the "desire to stop drinking" mandate.
After all that...I think it's most important to go where you feel comfortable, where there is good sobriety, where the people are interested in welcoming you in and hearing your story, and where you can ask for support and help on any issue in recovery without feeling like you're intruding. Everyone I've ever known who has been at this for a while always recommends going to a bunch of different meetings, and in different locations (church basements, clubs, etc.) to see where you feel the most comfortable.
And as my sponsor's final word on it has been...in the end it's important just to go...to any of them because even if you are just simply sitting there listening, you are doing something to help your recovery and stay away from the drugs.
A lot of places/communities don't have a strong NA fellowship going, I'm lucky that my area has a strong NA circuit of groups. so check out what your community has to offer, and let us know how your meetings go!
Gabbi, I can sooo relate to what you're saying about the need to pop pills anyway, even though the actual craving isn't there.. It's the one thing that keeps reminding me how very sick I still am, that compulsion to think, "I must do (whatever), so therefore I must use." I'm slowly learning how to cope not high... Not that I was coping worth a damn when I WAS high toward the end, anyway, which makes everything even harder, because not only am I learning to live life on life's terms, but I'm also faced with the roaring mess I've made of my life in this whole process! Anyway, I'm starting to get the hang of things at home, but work is a whole different deal. Just trying to breathe, and tell myself "one day at a time," and when that seems like too much, "one minute!"
As far as meetings go, it IS easier for me personally to identify with the particulars of other addicts' lives, BUT, I live in an area where there are several NA meetings to choose from, and I doubt the same will be true for you since you say you're in a small town. What I would do if I were you is exactly what others have already said, go to them ALL, na and aa, that are available to you. Because I think it's totally going to depend on the PEOPLE in the meetings as to where you'll feel comfortable and benefit the most. As one other poster put it, there are "oldtimers" in both schools that would reject our participation based solely on our sub status, but most people will be very warm and accepting. If you run into that "old school" mentality, and it seems to prevail in that meeting, simply try another one, and realize that there will be some jerks everywhere you go. The key is finding some where the jerks are offset by the cool people...
Also, don't feel like you have to buy into everything you encounter there. There are some things I've come across that I don't necessarily agree with, but I simply disregard those things or people and focus on what rings true for, or seems helpful to, me.
Glad you're realizing that your addiction isn't resolved just by your not taking the pills!
Thanks all for your insight, I will be open to trying all meetings at first, & like you said see where I feel the most comfortable. I do realize that now is the time to start the true recovery process, now that I'm on comfortable on my dosage. You def need to do more than just take the suboxone!!
Jeffie, you are really juggling a lot, & I admire your strength & determination to keep going to the meetings even w/your daughter!! You are really doing a great job!! Get her some Gerber biter biscuits the'll keep her busy but are VERY messy!! Take care!!
Gabbi, bought a portable high chair over the weekend because speaker meeting Friday night had real high chair there and it helped a lot. So last night all the chairs were in a big circle, with my baby in her high chair strapped to the chair also in the circle, with teething cookie, frozen carrot, spoon, two pacifiers (just for chewing, she doesn't suck on them), a frozen wash rag, etc., etc. Did I mention her bottom two teeth sprouted last Friday night? Giggle!!
You really got it covered!! It really is cute, I can picture you all there w/her, I think it's great!! Will she go in one of those exersaucers (sp?? the ones that stay still or she can walk around, and they have all kinds of toys attached to them) I loved those things!!
I am trying to find some meetings to attend, & was wondering what does closed addicts only mean? Does that mean there isn't anymore room in these meetings or that you can't bring anyone? Also, when you get the book w/the steps do you buy it there or can you get it at a bookstore. Sorry if these questions sound stupid, but I've never been before!! And I want to give it a good shot so I want to feel comfortable.
I believe a closed addicts means that only addicts can attend (not family members or anyone who isn't an addict). It doesn't mean they are not accepting new people who are addicts. Someone please correct me if I'm wrong.
I believe most major bookstores carry The AA book . . . if not, most meetings do sell that book plus other helpful literature (a lot of it is free too)!
Good luck and hope you find a meeting you're comfortable with! Sounds like things are moving in the right direction for you Gabbi!!
There is no such thing as a stupid question. Hope was right, a closed meeting means that you must be an addict to attend (no al-anon folks, etc). You can find the book at most bookstores (it's the second best seller in history ... the bible is no. 1) or you can find a copy at most meetings. They usually run anywhere from $5 to $15.
When I first got the book, I read the stories in the back (only the first 164 pages actually make up the big book of AA) because I like to hear about other people who have been in my shoes. There are a bunch of stories in the back of the book and you will be able to relate to a lot of what is said (especially by the addicts).
Let us know how it goes at your first meeting and after you start reading the big book.
And don't hesitate to ask about anything you are not sure about.
Thanks a lot guys!! I just want to be prepared...I'm a little apprehensive about going by myself for the 1st time, but my addictionologist suggested going to a meeting just for women for at least the 1st, that's the one that said closed. I just never realized how many types of meetings there are.
Lucky, how are you feeling w/the taper. When you reduce not in even increments of 4 do you cut it in 4ths or do you taper every other day?