WannaBnormal

I'm really nervous about this appointment you guys I know I did the right thing fessing up, but if they toss me out of their SB program I feel like I'm really screwed.

See, last night I had a hard time falling asleep ~ nerves I guess. Then at 4am I woke up in a cold sweat and a feeling of real panic inside me because I had a "using" dream. I've only ever had "using" dreams inside re-hab. Yes, I'm a repeat offender at re-hab Lets face it: for those of us who've been in re-hab, as much as it can suck, its a pretty easy gig since you are not responsible for too much. At least I found it to be that way. After being a stay at home Mother to two active boys, re-hab was a freakin vacation. Just get myself up and dressed, make my bed, and be at the appointed spot at the appointed time ~ EASY!

Anyway, having "using" dreams in re-hab was a good thing cuz I had alot of expert support (professional from the counselors and "been there/done that" from the other patients) in dealing with them. I was on my own last night and it was scary as hell

I can clearly remember in the dream going thru all the steps needed to get hydro and get high. Up until then I thought I was pretty strong on this point, but now I'm not so sure. If they wont put me back on SB I am so very afraid I'll use again.

I've had very little sleep and physically I'm feeling like utter CRAP. Could it just be the mental and emotional load I'm under making me feel this bad, or are my mild w/d getting worse?

I dont know ~ I'm really confused and scared