Hi I came across this site by accident, in a quest to help my ADHD son. What a great site. My addiction is Labatt Blue, and a lot of it! It's getting old, and I'm sick of feeling sick, hung over, and tired. I'm on day 2 of no alcohol. How boring. I was up to about 9 beers a day (often more or sometimes less) and can maybe go 2 days a week without drinking. (of course, not in a row). I've been drinking for about 12 years now (I'm 32). I work in a hospital, and see people on dialysis, and see people that are waiting for liver transplans, and even the hell they go through after the transplant, I've even seen newborns going through alcohol withdrawal. Ironic huh? You think I'd have more sense. I'm tired of hiding beer in my bedroom, and throwing the bottles in the garbage to hide it and lying to my husband. I don't drink in front of my kids, but that doesn't make me drink any less. I've tried Naltrexone before, but it makes me very sick, and I found when I had something to do, or wanted to drink, I just wouldn't take it that day.
Well, on day 2, I just wanted to say hi, and that I have a lot of respect for you guys. I've spent 2 days reading posts, and am going to go back and read more, with a great big glass of Vanilla Coke.
I think you'll find a lot of very helpful people on the site. I know it's been a Godsend for me.
Do you have any type of support system in place? Have you ever gone to an AA meeting? You may want to give it a shot. It is very difficult to quit something by ourselves that we have depended on for so long.
I know how you feel. Although my poison was Michelob or Coors Light, I was drinking everyday since I was 18 and on my way to college (which didn't help and may of just kick started this whole addiction - i.e. if you saw DateLine on NBC last night) to now, I am 32 also. I drank about 10 beers a night, just enough to leave a few in the 12 pack so I would have a couple for the next day after work that I could suck down before going to the store to get the next 12 pack. Everyday. The only exception was maybe I would get an 18 pack or full case, not take a day off. On the weekends, back up dawg - I would buy say 3 cases, I was so cleaver too, maybe 1 was bottles and the other 2 were cans just for variety. I found that the bottles went down smoother first then the cans I could just pound after I had 3 or 4 bottles. Living drunk after 5 p.m. to bedtime was "normal" to me, I learned to expect a hang-over and I got used to them. I lost a job, my wife, then my girlfriend of 5 years amoung alot of money (on the beer, the bar, strip clubs, weed, 2 DUI's, lawyers, jail, time, etc.) and self respect. I gained alot of shame and weight. Nice trade off, huh? I own my own house, 2 cars and have a great job. I don't want to lose anymore. This may be the end of my drinking career, although I do not forsee that I have hit rock bottom, I feel I still have a drunk in me.
I can't imagine life without alcohol (beer especially) and I am having a HARD time without it. Today is day 16 without a drop, was I am a newbee and a half! But it is 16 days and I feel I am detoxed, only the mental obbsession is there (I think?) Like the chick across the street that just moved and has a party ever night, her friends pull up with their beer (my poison) and seem to have a great time. I don't watch but I do think, OK I had those times too - but I can't anymore. I mean I did graduate college, how - beats the **** out of me, but I did it. I seem to always to just enough to hold on the most important things in life (education, job, home, finances, etc. - MINUS companionship!) to be able to be a functioning alcoholic. I love to drink, and drinking loves to kill me. So here I sit on a Saturday morning, before the Michigan tailgate game awaiting kick off sober. No hang-over and I will not be drinking. This is some weird voodoo.
How I did it. I read several books (see my post in the subjuct 'alcohol') along with a heavy dose of vitamins. And detoxed with Librium - although I probably really did not need it, I found a doctor that allowed me to detox myself (no else would for liability reasons, but this guy was a foriegner and didn't care). I also requested the Naltrexone, which he gave me. I have yet to take one and I have a refill of it available. Can you tell me what it does? I don't know why I never took it - I just didn't. I saw a shrink and he put me on Wellbutrin SR twice a day, and Lexapro once a day. I don't know what this crap does, but if it keeps me from climbing the walls so be it (so far so good).
Here is something weird. I hid my bottles of beer in the very beginning of my drinking "career". Isn't that a twist? I lived at home during high school and would drink in my room while messing with computers (I am a computer / firewall engineer now) then and would pu the bottles in my closet (oh and my bong too - I remember trying to make sure I exhaled out the window while my folks were sleeping and spraying air fresher all the time) and dispose of them when they were out of the house. Then while dating my future wife - we both drank all the time, in the car, in the home, in friend's home and the ocassional bar that would let us in under-aged. There was even a time that I would take a bottle of white wine into this certain Chinese restraunt under my coat, then when the waiter was not looking drink we would drink all of our water real quick and I would fill the glasses with the white clear wine (I thought that was so cool - she thought it was romantic). Funny note the waiter would come around to top off our "waters" and I would always decline and she couldn't tell him no and he would add water to hers - wonder why he never knew my "water" always seemed to refill itself? Anyways, drinking was really cool then, everyone we hung with did it. We dated throughout college and I went away to undergrad school so PARTY UP! After that ... oh hell I could go on forever, lets stop there unless you want more ...
Went to dinner with my friend (I was his bestman / and him mine) yesterday. I think we really have an alcohol friendship. He refrained from a beer for my sake and just did not seem right. I don't see any of my old "friends" right now because they all drink like I used to. Things are different like that.
I am currently looking in AA and RR and MM. See post under AA vs. RR. Ummm ... right now I am doing all three including Moderation Management because it requires you to be absitant for 90 days first. I go to AA and read about RR. The AA folks are getting under my skin - more meetings, more reading, more service work (get off my *** I have 270 hours of community service to do or I go to jail and you want me to get there early to make coffee when I can't even drive on top of it !?!?!?! RANT), call everyday, etc. I don't know where I am headed but I am sober, although I feel like I am numb. I functioned better drunk to be quite honest. If you ever make it this far, two weeks, you will know what I mean probably. I have to check the locks on the house 3 to 4 times at night, re check the garage door, forget to fill the dog's water, always forgetting my keys and other things. Very hard to concentrate and prioritize things. Well I guess I am AAing it to some extent because I pray everyday and I am "one day at a timing it" ... although in my heart I think RR is more my alley - but maybe that is the "easier softer way"? I never stole from anyone, or things like that so the whole ammends thing may be weird. Only thing I can think of is cheating on my wife.
Well Ms. Blue, I hope you are sober today, give it chance. If you want we can bang off eachother for encouragement, being new to this whole not drinking thing. If you do pound them down today, have my last drink for me.
Thank you! I only have a personal plan. No AA. (Not that I may not one day need it!) I'm not very social, and crouds make me nervous. I lived some of my child hood at AA meetings helping with the coffee. Maybe that's why too. :>
Your post cracked me up. Not because this is funny, but because I could have wrote half of it on my own behalf. Naltrexone made me extremely nauseous, gave me a headache, and made me miserable. Plus, I could always opt not to take it if I knew I was going out. But I will say it DOES work. When you take it, you do not feel like drinking, and if you do drink, it's not going to be that much. I'm nervous right now because I'm usually on my second beer by now. I ordered a pizza instead. (When I eat, I don't drink right away, ruins that buzz ya know?) Congrats on Michigan State winning. The race tomorrow will be hard without a beer. I've decided to not go to the store today and tomorrow. I know if I do, I would with out a doubt buy beer.
Thank you and Lucky for the kind messages. There just might be a day 3!!