For StupidChris...YA CAN DO IT!! - Addiction & Recovery Message Board

PUREINXTASY · 10-02-2003, 11:06 AM

Hey Chris....Thanx for the reply!
Yah, I flushed those suckers this morning, and man, it was almost as if I was killing an old friend. I honestly think the main reason I kept them hangin around was to remind myself that I COULD do it--EVEN WITH still having a little sh*t left.
Anyway, saw your post, and this is what I'm here to tell you.......
When I set out to do this, I really thought I was gonna fail--I thought I'd make it all of about 10 hours or so until I crushed and snorted one of those lil quarters of pills i had cut up and just lose my will power. (I also forgot to mention in my post that I have a script for 30 MS Contin taped to my monitor too--another crutch maybe??--it went in the fireplace along with the flushig ceremony this am....)
It's gonna be HARD on you, but you CAN DO THIS!!
Again, I thought I was the LAST person in the world that could get through this....I saw myself going to the ER....Rehab....I honestly didn't know where. But I looked at my three kids--who rely on me--loooked at all the things in life that I cherish, and man, there are sooooo many more things in life that matter more than these little round demons.
DO IT Chris....do your taper--get off thses things. When it's over, trust me, you're gonna love yourself MORE than you have in a lonnnnng lonnnng time.
And please, DO NOT hesitate to ask if you need the help!!

PUREINXTASY · 10-02-2003, 03:57 PM

Chris....
You allright? How're you feeling? Haven't seen anything from you.... PLEASE, let me know.

[This message has been edited by PUREINXTASY (edited 10-02-2003).]

stupidchris75 · 10-02-2003, 04:11 PM

Man, now you've got me crying again! :-)

You are so right, but it is sooooo hard to thinnk of anything but my miserable self when I am feeling like I am going to die. My kid is the most incredible person,and I have always said that I see no purpose for me on this earth other than to have brought him into the world. I wish it could just be left at just that and I could just go away and noone would miss me, but my mom offed herself when I was 13 and it screwed me up forever. i was a pretty cool kid also, and who knows what I could have done with my life had that not happened. So, I stay here for him, but it is sooo hard to find the will to get out of bed every morning. I know I need help beyond the drug thing, but when I finally brought myself to a phschiatrist, he wouldn't help me b/c i refused to turn myself in for the pill stealing thing. He refused to be my dr and gave no other direction to go. ****ing doctor.s

I have to get off now before husband gets home and I can't on until late tonight. So, again, thanks for everyone listening and having faith in this stranger who has no faith in herself.

Chris

preski · 10-02-2003, 05:26 PM

Chris,
I noticed that you live in Dallas. I will be going to a seminar program by Dr. Phil(he doesn't teach it anymore, but he developed it) that is based in Dallas and is supposed to be life changing. I know that it is hard to think of getting better psychologically right now when you are feeling so horrible physically. It is called the Pathways program. I will give you the web site later for you to check out. I am going to lick the pill thing and then start this Dr. Phil program in Dallas in Jan.
Terri

PUREINXTASY · 10-02-2003, 05:40 PM

Hey Chris....
Hey, I could sit here with ya and go back and forth all night long on who's had it tougher throughout life, but seriously, what you NEED to do, is focus on the HERE AND NOW, and the FUTURE....PLEASE. For you, for that beautiful lil boy, for hubby, you get the picture. I had a real rough spot about a month and a half ago, when I thought it couldn't get any worse than it was....I was driving down the road with the kids in the back seat and my gal in the passenger seat....wondering if I should either A) rob a bank, B) rob a pharmacy, or maybe C) just get it over with and just end it. I had the same feelings you were....who would miss me? Who would care....blah blah. Something made me look in the rear-view. I saw all six eyes staring at me--I said to myself "what to F**K are you thinking?" Man, the thought process that began at that exact moment. There is soooooooo much out there. When my wife split a coupla' years ago and left me with the kids, she blamed my being hurt and not working and all that jazz for her leaving--it turned out that it was her own addiction that made her go--she was an alcoholic--and to this day still is--and maybe comes to see her own kids once a months for a few hours if we're lucky.... The point I'm trying to make is, is that they NEED me--as your son does you--you NEED to be here--and NEED to be healthy....for yourself as well as him. Well, I hate to do it, but hafta' run for now. PLEASE, keep me posted as to how you're doing!!
PUREINX