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Old 10-05-2003, 11:25 AM   #1
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Blue sky HB User
Question Psychotherapy to confront somewhat chronic masterbation?

Hi. First time here..

I am really ashamed of masterbation. It has functioned as a way of escape for me for a long time (15 years or so). It's more a shame/release than pleasure. Frequency of my masterbation seems to go up high when I am not in a secure mood. When I am feeling good and in control, it's the last thing I have in mind. I get to release and feel good physically momentarilly but go through an overwhelming sense of hopelessness and lack of self-worthiness afterwards. The core of my issues, whether work issues, image of "what I should be" vs. "what I am" or general sense of loneliness, remains unresolved and it will make me feel numb and more incapable of confronting many of the issues at hand. My self esteem gets down to a very low level but I keep coming back to it and feel worse.

Deep down, I don't feel masterbation itself is the issue. It's a way of (wrongly) escaping my negative feelings. It's so not constructive but it has become an unhealthy habit and it has minimized my personal growth. Do you think there are some underlying issues hidden deep down and I can benefit from Psychotherapy? I would be very, very ashamed to talk about something like this even with a therapist since I am very good at managing to leave a very bright, positive impression on people. But I feel there's no other way to break the pattern other than to obtain some help to confront my fears/feelings.

Thanks for listening and I could use any comments anybody may have. I would also like to know what I can expect from psychotherapy since I am completely new to it.


 
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Old 10-05-2003, 02:08 PM   #2
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Dear Blue Sky,
Addiction is Addiction no matter what form it takes. We all have our ways of coping with stress, love loss, low self esteem, etc. I am not sure that this board would be the best one for you, although I can feel your pain and sense of loneliness. There is a another board dealing with Sexuality that may be of more help to you, I don't know. Most of the people here are dealing with severe withdraws or dependency from opiates. Masturbation is nothing to be ashamed of unless it RULES YOUR LIFE...if that is the case, then I would certainly advise seeing a psychotherapist or sexual addiction counselor. I don't know the answer, but I wanted you to know that I heard you.
Terri

 
Old 10-05-2003, 02:29 PM   #3
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Terri,

Thank you.. I appreciate your comment and acknowledgement about the issue that is dear to me. It is nice to know that someone does know and heard me out. It becomes a motivation for me to have less (unconscious) interest in it.. I'll try to keep your warm words in mind.

Thanks.

 
Old 10-05-2003, 04:04 PM   #4
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Blue,
You are right when you said that this really has nothing to do with the masturbation. Gee, my ex could not get enough so I used to tell him to do it himself if you know what I mean. Maybe you are just an oversexual person or is it that you don't want the sexual feeling and it is a way to escape? Gee, I will tell you if it is the escape thing, you could be doing things alot worse to yourself like drugs, alcohol, etc. Do you have guilt feelings about sex in general? Or do you feel guilty that you may enjoy masturbation? Remember, there is NOTHING wrong with making yourself feel good sexually. It is the other feelings that you are having that goes along with it that you need to focus on.
Terri

 
Old 10-06-2003, 01:02 AM   #5
Belle45
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Quote:
It's so not constructive but it has become an unhealthy habit and it has minimized my personal growth.


Why do you feel it has minimized your personal growth?

Quote:
Do you think there are some underlying issues hidden deep down and I can benefit from Psychotherapy?
It's safe to say that a vast majority of addicts have underlying issues that cause them to seek destructive behavior. If you don't feel this is something that you can get a grip on yourself and really want to break your pattern of behavior then what other choice do you have?

Quote:
I would be very, very ashamed to talk about something like this even with a therapist since I am very good at managing to leave a very bright, positive impression on people.


I'm not sure I fully understand the above comment you made. How does "I am very good at managing to leave a very bright, positive impression on people" fit in with being ashamed to talk to a therapist? Do you think they will think lesser of you? Your problem does not make you a lesser person. It takes a better person to admit their problem, come face to face with it and do what it takes to make yourself feel right and accept yourself. If you do make that kind of impression on people then what makes you think you won't make that impression on the therapist? Their job is to help you...not sit in judgement of you.

Good Luck!

 
Old 10-06-2003, 08:48 AM   #6
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Good therapists have heard it all and will not be shocked, or make you feel ashamed or embarrased. If you do go to a therapist and you don't care for that one, please change to a different one. There can be personality conflicts there as well as other places in life. You will know when you find the right one for you. I would definitly encourage seeing one. Please let us know.

 
Old 10-09-2003, 06:21 PM   #7
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Blue sky HB User
Talking

Igoodgirl, Belle45,

Thank you to both of you. You really validate the act of admitting my "dark" feelings. I appreciate it truly. Thank you..

You were so right about therapist.. After speaking with 3 therapists and feeling a bit intimidated, unsure, and not right, I felt really comfortable with the 4th one I spoke on the telephone tonight. I feel like I could speak easily with this person and I'll just have to trust and see and find out what insight the sessions can bring. Thanks for showing your concerns and I am really glad that I revealed my heavy feelings. It's certainly nice to receive an interactive feedback. I feel rewarded for being open. The truth does set you free (freer). Thank you and have a good night.

 
Old 10-20-2003, 09:17 AM   #8
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ftlmatt HB User
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Quote:
Originally posted by Blue sky:
Hi. First time here..

I am really ashamed of masterbation. It has functioned as a way of escape for me for a long time (15 years or so). It's more a shame/release than pleasure. Frequency of my masterbation seems to go up high when I am not in a secure mood. When I am feeling good and in control, it's the last thing I have in mind. I get to release and feel good physically momentarilly but go through an overwhelming sense of hopelessness and lack of self-worthiness afterwards. The core of my issues, whether work issues, image of "what I should be" vs. "what I am" or general sense of loneliness, remains unresolved and it will make me feel numb and more incapable of confronting many of the issues at hand. My self esteem gets down to a very low level but I keep coming back to it and feel worse.

Deep down, I don't feel masterbation itself is the issue. It's a way of (wrongly) escaping my negative feelings. It's so not constructive but it has become an unhealthy habit and it has minimized my personal growth. Do you think there are some underlying issues hidden deep down and I can benefit from Psychotherapy? I would be very, very ashamed to talk about something like this even with a therapist since I am very good at managing to leave a very bright, positive impression on people. But I feel there's no other way to break the pattern other than to obtain some help to confront my fears/feelings.

Thanks for listening and I could use any comments anybody may have. I would also like to know what I can expect from psychotherapy since I am completely new to it.

why should you be ashamed of masturbation? it doesn't feel good for no reason! ask 10 guys if they masturbate and 9 will say yes while the one that said no is lying....to me masturbation is my way of self pleasure. all day i am running around making sure all my friends/family/partner and whoever else i am helping is happy..after satisfying everybody else all day, masturbation is my way of pleasuring myself without having to worry about anyone else but me..and that is a nice change. i always say if it feels good do it. you only live once enjoy it while u can.
since you say you are ashamed of masturbation and it is a wrong way of escaping negative feelings, i recommend u talk to a professional to find the underlying reason without blaming masturbation.
and don't worry about thinking what you should be..that is bunch of ****...enjoy who you are as a person now. being obsessed about what you should be is keeping you from being the real you and could be the problem...
btw...masturbation is a very healthy habit and everything you do in life does not have to be constuctive. laying on the beach all day isn't constructive and sure makes me happy as can be! and the same thing goes for mastubating

 
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