Im stil around if anyone remembers me... - Addiction & Recovery Message Board

sweetpoison68 · 10-28-2003, 06:33 AM

Hi everyone
I have not be posting because when i came here it really seemed to make me want pills!!!!!!! I was going through a rough time..to say the least!!!! I needed to go to the ER 2 weeks ago for some pain in my hand..I ended up taking a script for 15 vic's!!!!!I have not had any xanax for 2 weeks and i havent had any vic's for 1 week!!!!! I have been going through some serious w/d's!!!! I am feeling a little better today.I have been coming here occasionally to read when i felt strong enough and reading esp lately has given me strength!!!!!I am still not "myself" but i am getting there!!! I could have bought xanax or vic's on sat...It was not as hard as i thought it would be to resist.I had to go around the person that sold it to me before.She is my sisters neighbor and my sis was wondering why i hadnt been over...so i had to go!!!It certainly crossed my mind!!!! I went into a serious depression the next morning .I let the thoughts ruin my WHOLE DAY!!!!!I have not been upp anyway for a while and i LET those damn pills take over my mind and sink me a bit deeper!!I have been siiting in the house feeling sorry for myself for too long now!!!! I AM NOT gonna buy any more trouble!!! I have come too far..I have'nt talked to my d/h in 2 days!!!I am the one that needs to apologize and i know it!!First thing today when he comes home i am gonna apologize!!! This has not been fun for my kids either.I havent been mean to them just very very sad and somber for way too long!!!I am going to pretend today is my last day on this earth!!!!! I am gonna do some good things today and turn this ride around.I know it is up to me!!!!!I came way too close to the edge this time i have been having very scary very stupid thoughts lately!!I know i have to want it!!I REALLY REALLY WANT THIS!!! I WILL NOT go back now!!!!I want to go to bed tonight knowing i did my best to make everyone happy instead of spreading more sadness!!! Im sorry to ramble i have nobody i can talk and have been going through this alone..Thanks for listening..please keep me and my family in your prayers..

HydroQueen · 10-28-2003, 06:41 AM

Hi Poison,
I will surely keep you in my prayers. I pray daily for everyone on this board. I hope you will continue
to post or at least lurk. I do not post as much as I
read but I come here EVERY day for strength and this is a wonderful and supportive group of people who are
always there for each other. Welcome back. Kitty

lisaaahubb · 10-28-2003, 06:49 AM

Hey poison---i'm about a week today, clean off of percs and have been feeling THE EXACT SAME WAY!!! I felt great yesterday and today, the same. I guess the fog has finally lifted. CONGRATS!!! I know we still have rough days ahead, but i do think that the worst is behind us, and if we can just learn what triggers us, we can prevent relapse. I HATE those pills so much, i am so angry that i let a drug control, my life AGAIN!!! Oh well, i have done more in the past few days than i have done in years, those pills were making me believe i couldn't do ANYTHING w/out them. I apologized to my husband and he understands because he is in recovery from booze and coke and knows what it is like to go thru hell to get sober. However, i don't think he is going to put up with relapses this time. He is going to attend some NA meetings with me at least twice a week, it'll be good for both of us , and we hope to meet some other "sober" couples. I never, ever thought life would be so good without pills. I actually feel HAPPY, for the first time in a long, long time. Those dam things really screw with the brain, that is for SURE!!! hang in there and keep me posted
LISA

John 808 · 10-28-2003, 11:55 AM

SP68,

That is so weird that you posted today, because I was just thinking this morning that I have not heard from you or seen any posts from you! Great minds think alike!

I am sorry you have had such a hard time- please hang in there and know that each day will get a little better. Or atleast realize we all are going to have good and bad days- work through the bad days and know a good one is just around the corner.

I will definately continue to think of you and keep you in my prayers. God's strength is an amazing thing. Coachgal posted a super poem "A Prayer for all of Us." Please find that and read it.

Post me if you need to talk. I'll be here. Take care of yourself today,

Michelle

rlcowboy · 10-28-2003, 09:44 PM

Hey Sweet, please hang in there, you are now over the tuff part and you have wonderful children to live clean for. Well as far as the scary and stupid thoughts I think I know what you were getting at, and if anything like that ever goes through your head again you just find one of your children and look right into thier eyes and just think how much they love and need thier Mommy

Also I think its great that you have not given into temtation when you know how easy you could get more pills. Wow, you rock 100% and you set the example as far as willpower goes

your friend, Rlcowboy

[This message has been edited by rlcowboy (edited 10-28-2003).]

[This message has been edited by rlcowboy (edited 10-28-2003).]