lisaaahubb

hey willow---thursday was o.k. i am slipping into a massive depression again...
I feel worthless, sick of being everyone's slave, can't sleep, only about 3 hours a night, i have no friends....i could go on and on.
I tried to tell my husband this morning that i have had it, and this is why i started taking pills, he just said that i am an ungrateful b****, and if i start taking pills again, i am out of this house!!!
He just thinks i need to get a job....WHO WILL WATCH THE BABY???? i am NOT working all week to pay for daycare. I never get a break from any of the kids. We never go out as a couple, to clubs and watch bands, or anything for that matter. The week and weekend is filled with children, children, children. I am just so sick of not having an identity, being "the mom". Oh is it very clear to me why i starting popping pills like chicklets. It is Halloween my favorite holiday and i am MISERABLE and it is only 6 a.m......God help me make it thru this day. What happened???? I was feeling so good and energized. This isn't going to be as easy as i thought it was. GREAT--- another day of sitting around with no money, being a slave to a bunch of slobs!!! Sorry to be such a crab today, but i am so tired and filled with anger today. I couldn't even take a nap yesterday, i took the phone off the hook and everything and what does hubby do????? He drives all the way home to WAKE ME AND TELL ME THAT HE DEPOSITED HIS CHECK--I think a note would've been sufficient and he knows if the phone is off of the hook i am trying to catch some zzzz's. Then i tried to go to bed early, and he "forgot" to take the dog in, so i got woken up at 2:30 a. m. by the dog outside barking and barking, i went outside and brought him in, then of course couldn't go back to sleep. So here i sit, miserable and tired. Oh and HIS son has stayed with us allllllllll week, and i have to cart him back and forth two towns over twice a day, which prevents me from either going back to sleep in the a.m., or napping in the afternoon. I think my husband is the ungrateful a**, not me. Well it isn't looking too good over here, i don't know what will become of today.....
You must be slowly feeling better, hang in there and i will try to do the same. Staying straight today, is gonna take up all the little bit of energy i have. Halloween is not going to be as fun as i had thought. Just the thought of sitting around in this freakin hell hole alllllllllllll weekend again, is enough to drive ANYONE CRAZY!!!
Again, sorry, to be venting on ya, but i don't have any other place to do it, and i was hoping to get some advice, i just feel weird today.
LISA