I have not posted in a while, but I have been reading and it is breaking my heart to read your post. I know this want make you feel better, but it might let you know you are not the only one having trouble. Ok here is the situation.
I stopped C/T on like Jan 18. Everything was great until April 9. I was in a car accident got 19 stitches in my head, a severe concusion and bad whiplash. Went to the emergency room got sown up and given a script for 15 loracet or loratab not sure which one. The next day got checked out by a specialist the test showed no real head damage. He gave me a script for 60 vicoden. The first 4 or 5 days I honestly needed to take something for these headaches. It was the worst head/neckaches I have ever had. However, the days up until now I have taken the rest of those vicoden just to take them. I keep telling myself you have already blown it, may as well finish the bottle off. (You know that whole story). I do know I would have never taken any pills if I were not in an accident, but I also know I relapsed. I did not even want to post, but I could not let you think I was not having problems. If you are up to it I am on day 1 today( Again) we can start all over together and go from here. It is just really depressing to me to start over after being clean for 80+ days. I really do not know what to expect this go round as for as W/D's etc.
Please tell me how you are doing! Are you taking hydro's again or what. Just remmember you can't lose a fight until you stop fighting. This set back with me SUCK'S BIGTIME, but I won't let it beat me I can't control what happen with the accident, but things like that I will have to deal with the rest of my life.
Please let me know why things are so bad with you.
Never - just wanted to chime in and let you know how sorry I am. You have to question why did this wreck have to happen to YOU, RIGHT NOW, during your recovery. And what kind of doctor prescribes SIXTY vikes? That is insane. Even after a c-section (major surgery) I only got 30. This is just rediculous. Sixty vikes... makes me MAD!
Sorry, I'm angry that the wreck occured. You were doing great but you know what... you will be again, very soon. Just hang in there and take each day as it comes.
Michelle - I am extremely worried about you, girlfriend! I'm just like my mother when it comes to worrying. When I get worried, I get angry because I cannot help you. I can't do ANYTHING from online and it makes me mad. I want you to get better. I don't want you to have to suffer through this crap anymore. I'm here for you and please let me know what I can do.
I know you have other people that read this board - but honey, you've got to make a drastic step here. I know you will when you are ready... And thank you for always being here for me. Please let me know what I can do to help you. If you want me to call places in B'ham to see what kind of programs they offer, I'll do it. This way, you can be out of state and still get the wonderful care you need. Let me know if I can do anything for you. You know I really do care about you and I want you to feel some relief so badly!
Thank for your reply banker!
I don't know maybe it was a test and I failed. I do know I and everyone else can beat this horrible addiction. How are you doing? Did I read you had a wreck also? I know I will beat this it is just sooooo depressing to make it so far and end right back up at day 1. I am very concerned about Michelle I really don't know what is going on? If she is back on the pain pills or just the Sub or what. All I can say to her is maybe we can start a new day today both on day 1 and help each other make it through.
Michelle and Banker and anyone one else struggling I really would like to know how ya'll are doing. Thanks Again
Never, I just starting day 4 (72 hours) and I am struggling. If I had hyro, I would probably take it. I'm not really sick, I just feel awful. No motivation to do anything! Blah, blah, blah. That's me. I didn't go to work this morning and I don't want to this afternoon. At this point I don't even care. Most seem to think it is better after today. What do you all think? Any advice and encouragement gladly accepted!
I did think about you everytime I convinced myself I can/could do this on my own, because I knew you did. But, to be honest, I think you would still be clean if it wasn't for that wreck. That is all water under the bridge though and I am proud you are starting over...it takes alot of strength and courage. You definately have that and I know you will make it. But, yes, it is so discouraging to have to start over and I feel for you more than you know, because the second go round is usually a little worse than the first! And each time after that, gets a little worse.
I have to take "something" here and there to keep the withdrawals away and it disguists me. This is no way to live and I know that, but I don't know what step to take...I just don't think I can bear to hurt my loved ones again. I need to just buckle down and do it, but after a few days goes by and I so lethargic and blah...I give in.
Well, my four year old is screaming for lunch, so I will check with you later. Keep in touch with me!
Star2, you should be over the worst of it today. As for the blahs, try to take a walk. You won't feel like doing it, but once you start, it helps. Are you staying hydrated? Day 4 should be better, and each one after that is much better. Keep going.
Last edited by User 205000; 04-20-2004 at 01:54 PM.
Michelle- you can certainly do it. For me in January I just made my mind up I could never take another pain pill. I know 100% I would be still clean if I was not in that wreck, at that point I was not evan thinking of the pills, I am now. I really do not know what to expect this time for taking 75 in ten days. I can already feel my body/mind is not adjusting well already. Michelle I am praying for you, myself and everyone else on the board, I know we can do it.
Star- It will certainly get better after today. The first time I did not even post until the 6th day. Because I felt horrible for the first five days. After the first five days it becomes a mental struggle. There would be days all I thought about were those ^$#^% pills. All I can tell you is please don't take anything. Your life will be so much better in a month you won't believe it. Plus you are almost through the rough part. I think the mental cravings are hitting you now. I can remember telling myself in the first two weeks, if being clean feels like this I would rather be high the rest of my life. All these cravings will go away in time, it just takes a while. I will be here to talk to if you you just want to vent or something. I know you can make, we will make it together and you will always be three days ahead of me. Please don't give in!
P.S. Michelle you can C/T today to if that's what you want. I know it has to be mentally draining to just keep keeping the W/D's away. We can all beat this! I just wonder if I will sleep tonight, I'm sure not.
Star now you have the right attitude. We have to honestly believe we can do this. I know how hard it is to think positively, especially the first week and i'm on day freaken 1. Star it sounds like your doing really good. Last time I had chills for at least two weeks. I can remember drinking hot water in my office all day, It would be 80 degrees and I would be freezing not to even mention the lack of sleep and energy. Lord help me if I have to go through all that crap again. My daughter's birthday is saturday and I have already promised I would camp out in the backyard with her, So I really have no choice to sit around and feel sorry for myself. Theres no one to blame, but me.
Anytime you go through a weak moment just try and post it will help you.
Thanks I just got in the ofiice, had meetings all morning. Had a pretty bad night trying to get some sleep restless legs from hell, then woke up about 5:00 this morning with slight anxiety. So far the W/D's are not to bad, just mainly lack of energy and no sleep. It's the mental cravings that have returned in full force. You know the whole (Life is boring state of mind). I know in time this will go away. Please tell me how you are doing! Please don't feel ashamed if you are taking hydro's again. I was not even gonna post my relapse until I started reading your post and saw what a hard time you were going through. Like I said before we can start over together if you are ready, if not I will be here for you to talk to if you want. Everyone here has relapsed more than once, I really believe that's all part of fully recovering. What ever you do please don't leave the board, So many people on here benefit from your advice including myself.
P.S. We just got back from Ole Miss this weekend by daughter was a dimond girl for a day at the baseball game, We all had a blast.
Please let me know what's going on with you!
Thanks I just got in the ofiice, had meetings all morning. Had a pretty bad night trying to get some sleep restless legs from hell, then woke up about 5:00 this morning with slight anxiety.B
Yeah, Never! I, too, had those "restless legs from hell" last nite! A beaut! Got up at 1AM, not sleepy. Read for an hour. Then turned off the lights. Suddenly, my body began 'dancing and twisting!" A regular "Stearns and Foster disco!" Could not find a comfortable place. Felt I just HAD to keep moving those legs. My poor little tzu thought he was on a trampoline! After 4 Motrins, I finally took a quick hot bath. That seemed to help a little bit. Dozed off and on a bit, from 6AM-8AM. That restless leg thing is HORRIBLE, isn't it! It's seemed almost like it's caused 'internally' rather than externally. You gotta keep moving to 'answer the urge.' Hard to describe! Do you take anything for it? Hope we have a better nite's sleep, tonite!
Yes for me that is the worst part of W/D's. My legs feel like they are on fire and all my muscles need stretching(it's horrible). What I do is take a goody's P.M. and take a hot, hot bath right before I get in bed. I can tell you they will go away in time, try to hang in there about 1 to 2 weeks and you should be regaining your sleep. I just was 80+ days clean and had a wreck that got me back to day 1 again. Can you tell me a little about your situation and I will try to give you any advice I can. I am 100% sure if I were not in that wreck I would still be clean, but now I am back to sqaure one (DAY 2). Just hang in there, you can do it and you will feel so much better soon.