just wanted to let you both know that while you are away, trying to get yourselves together, i am thinking about you both and praying that the road isn't too difficult.Can't wait for you all to come back here and tell of your journeys while there.My thoughts and prayers and those who cannot currently post,are with you right now. Marcia
Ooh, I miss you guys so much. I have not yet caught up on the board, but wanted to update you quickly, and to let you know I am receiving your thoughts and prayers and thanks so much to you all.
I got home last night. I am now off of the hydro and klonopin. (Woo hoo!) If you don't count the suboxone time, I am 9 days clean (I think . . . still not thinking too clearly.) Here was part of my sub regimen: the evening of last Monday when I got there (shoveling pills all the way . . . I know--brilliant, huh) they gave me 4 mg of sub. Tuesday I had 4 in the morning and 2 at night (that was my highest dose), Wednesday through Saturday I have to check my notes out in the car for, and Sunday (my last day of no sub) I only took 1 mg of sub in the morning. I did make sure to write everything down so that I could tell you guys. I was also getting Neurontin for seizures, my Prozac and Strattera, and Benadryl and Elavil for sleep. I ended up discontinuing the Neurontin, as I discovered it made me shaky and am now taking Topamax for seizures. My worst night physically was my last night, due to terrible stomach cramps and other, ahem, lovely stomach things. Seems they don't know as much as this board does about the delayed reaction from sub.
I am scared, though. My insurance would not pay for rehab, although it is a covered benefit. Pretty good PPO insurance, too; I guess part of the reason was that it is my first time in detox--is that pathetic, or what? If I were to pop a pill right now, I would be back in there right now. Some people have really learned to work the system, too.
I am determined, though, that I must follow the steps of the program (I have already been going to NA and have a sponsor, but AA would do exactly the same thing). Now that I am home I am taking Immodium for my tummy (don't have to haggle with the nurses now, yay), but know that I must hang in there no matter how I feel and call my sponsor every day, work the steps and go to meetings everyday (a meeting a day at least for the first 3 months), or I will not be able to keep this up. Going through a rehab going would have been preferable, and I still may try to do an outpatient program, but have not yet figured out which one or for how much or how long we can do it.
Well, I am going to try to get to a noon meeting, so I have to run. I really hope everyone is doing okay. I got home late last night, so I have now just been able to skim a little bit through headings, not any posts, yet. Michelle, I am concerned about you and hope you are doing alright. If you can get through the physical part, though, I think you are so close spiritually to making it, girl. But again, I haven't had the time to read. If I have time to get it together and figure out where my meeting is, heck, even where the car keys are, I will hop back on; otherwise I will be back on this afternoon to try to check on how everyone is doing.
I love you guys so much. Thanks for getting me this far. I have been thinking all week about you all--michelle, kinda, celt, yinksy, root, jenny, melissa, feelbad, lynn and her twin, danna, philster, chef, spark, and so many others and everyone whom we have lost or almost lost along the way and thank you all for helping me so much to get to today.
Today (Wednesday), I am still tired, but feel better than I did yesterday. I came back online because I called my sponsor and asked if it was okay to skip the noon meeting and just go to my Wednesday night meeting and she said that would be okay if I wanted to rest. Feel a little bit weird still for driving too much, partly because I got no sleep 2 nights ago from stomach pain. Still doing Immodium, which I did not need until early Sunday a.m., when I needed it bigtime, and I mean bigtime. Possible IBS from nerves? Or it is either delayed sub w/d or residual benzo w/d? BTW have decided benzos suck. They're not even fun and they are hell to come off of.
Today is my last day of the week w/ the sitter so I do have to rest today, but I will be back on later. Michelle, I still haven't been able to figure out exactly what's going on w/ you yet, but I am worried. Hope you're okay? Banker, thought about you too and didn't see a recent post. I'll be back on later, though.
Rosie Rosie Rosie! It is so good to see you home -- happy and with a positive plan. You sound determined to make it work and that is, of course, such an important part of the battle! Never forget that you are always our friend, and we are here to help you no matter what! Welcome home. (And to borrow the favorite phrase of us OCD-ers, "It's all good!")
Hey, Alice! Thanks! I saw you were on and glad you said hi. I was reading your post about the restless legs and I have not had those this time around, so I suppose that could be an advantage to the sub, maybe? At least short term, anyway. How are you guys doing?
BTW, re my plan, I am beginning to think it is the only plan that will work. However, I think dh is afraid I may have turned into a hari krishna Nah--but I do have to remember each day that I could lose everything I have if I continue taking these pills. This board has helped me alot with that, actually. So today I am not going to take any hydros. Thinking about forever is too much for anybody.
sorry I called you Lynn's twin, but I have a bit of the fog still.