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Old 04-21-2004, 07:15 PM   #1
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The addict within...

Well, most of you are familiar with my story, I am a 22 year old recovering hydrocodone addict (used 7 years) I have been clean almost 3 months however, I am still tempted daily...even though im on the Naltrexone (similar to Narcan) I work in law enforcement as a 911 dispatcher, and have for 4 years. In the past I would go into the jails' med room and steal the vicodin that was prescribed to the inmates. We had one inmate that was on methadone, and I would drink his medicine, it was in a bottle in liquid form. 100mgs. I would take a sip from each bottle (there were 7, one for each day of the week) He would normally be here a week or two until he could finally afford to bond out. I was actually happy when this man got arrested, becuase I knew that there would be methadone in the med room!! Well Yesterday, he got arrested yesterday, and his mother brought up his methadone. She handed it to me and asked me to give it to the jail nurse. I just sat here and looked at the bag that had 6 full bottles of methadone in it.....I knew that it would be pointless for me to drink it this time, becuase of the naltrexone, but I went as far as to call poison control and ask them what would happen if someone who was on Naltrexone took methadone, she informed me that the Naltrexone would counteract the med, and it would have no effect on me, maybe drowsiness, if that. I guess thats just the mind of an addict, always has its wheels turning. I know that if it wasnt for the Naltrexone, I probably would have used....when will this cycle stop. Will I ever stop being tempted to use. I noticed that here lately, I have been taking a xanax each day.....just because, why do I feel the need to always want to be f.cked up. Why do I have to be addicted to something I quit taking them, before that got out of control. I remind myself everyday of the pain this addiction has caused me and my family..... My sister (who is 18) that I am very close to, was telling me the other day how proud she was of me that I had quit using, and she reminded me of a time that she had to carry me to the car and rush me to the er when I had overdosed....I dont remember it, but she said that me and mom had gotten into an arguement, and I had went into the bathroom, and was in there about 30 minutes when they heard a bang....I had fallen off the counter and hit the shower, I had passed out. My sister said that she had to carry me to the vehicle and drive (my mom was hysterical) to the ER. I stayed there 2 days. I had ingested 65 10mg lortabs. I vaguely remember my sister crying and telling me that she hated me for this....My sister has never touched a drug in her life (becuase of this incident) My heart aches just thinking about the way she must of felt, thinking that I was going to die. My use continued 3 years after this. My will power is good, and there are actually days that go by that I dont think about the vicodin...thats a first. Its just hard.....well just wanted to share
thanks for listening
Lyn

 
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Old 04-21-2004, 07:20 PM   #2
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Re: The addict within...

Thanks Lyn - I'm glad you posted. I'm also glad you didn't touch the meth. I know how you feel though. However, the Suboxone keeps the cravings at bay - but it doesn't hide the need for 'escape'. It's really tough. I'm proud of you for passing the bag to the nurse. You did the right thing! Thank God for that Naltrexone... And that God for my Suboxone. That's all I can say.

 
Old 04-22-2004, 12:39 AM   #3
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Re: The addict within...

thats addiction...its the same if its sex/liquor/opiates...it all starts from a point in your brain...hit a/a or n/a mtgs...you need daily support........chef

 
Old 04-22-2004, 01:18 PM   #4
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LPierce HB User
Re: The addict within...

Thanks guys.....I just have my highs and lows. Some days are better than others. I am thinking about the Naltrexone implant, so that I dont decide to stop taking the pill and go back to using. You can fool the implant.
Thanks for your replies
Lyn

 
Old 04-22-2004, 01:59 PM   #5
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over HB User
Re: The addict within...

Lyn,
Its tough when those things are around you constantly , it tempts and ****s with your mind. Its like a little demon saying, "there are the vics, stealing 6 or 10 tabs, they'll never know." Trust me, I've done the same, by stealing from medicine cabinets from friends and family. Gawed, don't you feel like a junkie doing that? I sure do. Luckily, you are on the Naltrexone. Maybe try getting another job so the temptation is not in front of your face on a daily basis. It'll help you. I didn't become a pharmacist because I knew that it will destroy me. I see it all the time with pharmacists and doctors, the addiction. It will never be easy in any circumstance and you can do is take it one day at a time.

Be strong!

Over

 
Old 04-22-2004, 04:19 PM   #6
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LPierce HB User
Re: The addict within...

well, it just happened again, we arrested a lady that was on Norco, and she had 120 in her purse when we searched her. Then another lady was arrested for forgery of a prescription (vicodin) and she had lortabs on her. Its different to look at these pills now, and know that they can no longer hurt me. I wont let them. I have been doing sooo good, almost 3 months. I really appreciate everyones support and advise
Lyn

 
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