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Old 04-22-2004, 02:23 AM   #1
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Join Date: Feb 2004
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tomandjerry HB User
Unhappy guilt why do we feel it??

my husband started to drink again and to cut a long story he ended up selling our sons video games and when i confronted him things got heavy. i ended up pouring the vodka away and he hit me. i know what this must of felt like for him to not know where his next drink will come from, but i could not let him treat us like this anymore. i was afraid to go to work and our son was refusing to go to school as he did not want his dad to sell anymore of his things. it started getting verbal and at one point he threatend to hit our 15yr old son. with this i stepped in and asked him to leave. my son called the police and he was arrested. he is not allowed near me or the children and is due in court next wk. i beileve he has gone out of town to one of his sisters but they are refusing to have him. he has no one and may well be living on the streets. to this i feel guilty. without the drink my husband is wonderfull. he has never been violent to anyone and has always worked hard, he is a very ill man with no one to care for him. his has seeked help in the past AA and other proffesional help but after a period of time choose to pick up the bottle again. why do i feel guilty, sad and helpless to this man??

 
Old 04-22-2004, 04:23 AM   #2
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Join Date: Sep 2003
Location: boston,mass.usa
Posts: 466
sadsister HB User
Re: guilt why do we feel it??

Hi T&J-
Sorry to hear things progressed to this-you feel helpless because you love him/want your family together/know him w/o alcohol,etc..but it sounds as though its time for him to really get some help.
Maybe you could try to get him into rehab-he needs it desperately.
Because now the relationship has turned violent-and your son is seeing things he doesn't need to see/experience in your home.
I would definitely seek couseling for yourself/son-to help work out why you choose to be w/ this man-and if you can work this out as a family.
Of course-your husband must stop drinking-as his addiction is now out of control.There are AA/and al-anon meetings...there are many programs to help your husband and yourselves.
Please check these out-and i hope you all get the help you need.
Unfortunately-alcohol has a tendancy toward violent behavior-and now that he has acted out-he can't come back till he is rehabilitated.
Good luck-and let us know how things go..
heather

 
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Old 04-22-2004, 06:18 AM   #3
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Join Date: Feb 2004
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tomandjerry HB User
Re: guilt why do we feel it??

thanks for the reply, i have attended al anon for over 12mths and find it great help, i have made lots of real friends there. my husband has attended aa. had admitted himself to hospital but has never been to rehab. unfortunatly i cannot help him anymore he has been told (by police) to keep away from us and one of his conditions when he attends court next wk is to get prof help. i can only pray each day that he has the strength that he needs. i will let you know the outcome
thanks, angela

 
Old 04-22-2004, 07:30 AM   #4
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Join Date: Nov 2003
Location: california
Posts: 121
jenny1973 HB User
Re: guilt why do we feel it??

You know its crazy, but I just got out of rehab a few days ago and became such close friends with an older gentleman who sounds alot like your husband. When he came to my place of treatment he had already been 8 days clean, but was seeking further help. We had many conversations and he would just cry about how his family left him and how they would never accept him back. The day after he was told to leave his house he was served with divorce papers. It was that action by his family that led him to seek help. Being sober he now has a clearer head and so many people would tell him just concentrate on you and get yourself out of this addiction. Miracles do happen and your sobriety will only lead to positive things. WE would all tell him that one day his family would be back in one way shape or form. The next day he seemed like a different person. He took his wedding ring off and put it on his necklace where his cross was and said he was gonna concentrate on his recovery and let God do his work. I saw such a change in him in one day it was truly amazing. One day I just wanted to get outta rehab and my husband was trying to convince me to stay until the docs felt I was ready...after lots of begging to come home I turned around and saw my friend and felt if he could go thru what hes been thru and still stand tall then so can I. Sorry I just had to share!! Just remember miracles do happen! Don't feel guilty about it. Unfortunately some people need a good wake up call to get clean and sober and you had every right to toss his butt out for his actions. Try to turn that guilty feeling into HOPE!!! Good Luck to you and my thoughts are with your husband.
Jenny

 
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