Hi all...haven't checked in for awhile now and wanted to play some "catch-up" on this rainy day. Is Rosie, Jenny and Root back????? And Murphy what is going on with you???? Michelle, Willow, Banker where are ya????
I see a lot of newbies, which is good.
I have had an awful time with my wrist/hand....i just got the stitches out yesterday and have to go to occupational therepy because i have lots of pain and twitching and no strength....keep in mind this is all on my left hand and i USED TO BE LEFT HANDED until 2 weeks ago...this sucks.
Been eating hydros like they are going outta style. This seems to be a pattern with me....sober for a couple of months, then binge for a month or two....and on and on and on....suboxone is looking better and better to me. I often sit and wonder ...what is it going to take for me to get sober and stay that way?????? What the hell is wrong with me????
So for those of you that know me....it is the same ol story. I wonder if anyone remembers what Deerme wrote me on his last post here on this site....well i remember what he said, and even though it sounded harsh, i think he is right. I just know i am going to keep trying and never give up on the thought that some day i will defeat these pills for good. My husband seems to have some issues with me going to "meetings" as he doesn't trust me. He obviously doesn't know a dam thing about AA or NA, because no one goes to meetings to try to find a boyfriend/girlfriend!!!! Gosh sometimes i wonder if i live with my husband or a warden!!! I have invited him to go with me, but i feel like there are times when i want to "share" things that he might not want to hear. I have no clue if he knows that i am using again, i doubt he even notices. No one has helped me during my "healing" process with my wrist and hand. It is sickening to think that no one gives a dam in this household. Good 'ol Lisa will take care of everything in any condition. It doesn't matter if i had a limb hanging off, they would still expect me to slave over them. My 2 yr old has been the hardest on me. It is really hard to take care of him one-handed!!! Hubby took zero days off...
well i am anxious to hear from everyone... i am hanging in there
Lisa - We've been missing you around here --- Michelle was looking for you too. Hey, what do you expect? You had surgery and had to take pain pills. What made you think you could control this go around? I'm not being ugly... I'm saying this isn't your fault. If I was in your shoes, I would have done the exact same thing. The bottom line is... we can never have pain pills again... no matter how badly we hurt.
K - I don't have much time right now but I just want to say one word - SUBOXONE!
Lisa i have been reading your post's for nearly a year now and have even in the past responded to some of them.
I wonder too what it is going to take for you to get clean and sober and stay that way.
Why do you stay with your husband?
Why do you keep putting yourself thru this?
I'm sure I won't get anything but blasted for any of this and that is ok, I'm used to it.
There are so many people on here concerned for you and you don't reply to them, that has to be upsetting for them...they wonder if your dead or alive.
Good to hear from you-im here just to say hi!
I know you went thru surgery-and i got a sense that if you were not prescribed the pills you may have been ok..its a tough call- cos opiate addiction is a chronic relapsing disease-and if my drug of choice was hydro-and i got some for post-surgery-id be doing the same thing.Im not sugarcoating just its true.i had such a tough time stopping on my own-thats how i ended up on the sub-it sounds like maybe you could try it/short term?
I don't know-im not trying to hassle you-but you already know your pattern.
It took me years to get 2 yrs. clean-w/o anything and i still relapsed.
So-just try again-its gonna be ok..no judgement here-
I'm so glad you're okay, Lisa. I had visions of things getting really screwed up...and your having moved out of your house or something!! This is really sick---but I almost felt relieved when I realized it's only the pain pills and your arm that have kept you off!! There's such a helpless feeling here when someone just disappears from the board...and we never hear of them again. :-( Especially if we know they been ill or had an op.
Sounds like a lot of stress. And, hey, I know myself. If I had suffered bad pain....and I still had all those cravings...I would have done what you did. As Banker says...Suboxone seems something for you to seriously consider. I salute all those who have cold-turkeyed and were then strong enough to stay off pills forever....but it must be the difficult thing they will ever do. (Actually I take that back--taking care of a mother with dementia beats it.) :-0
take care......I didn't know you were a leftie. Hope you had get back use of your right arm again soon.
Thanks for FINALLY posting Lisa, we were very concerned about you as we are all well aware of your so called husband and his lovely caring additude,and that you had to use pain meds again.i think Banker is right in the sub dept.You do sound like you are on this little up and down roller coaster here,as we all are/were.I think that the sub might be your best bet with regard to stabilizing your situation.
Now, your husband, thats a whloe nother story.I really wish you would seperate yourself from him.What do you really get out of this marriage,anything?He obviously does not care about you the way a husband should,you could do sooo much better for yourself lisa, you really could.I think he is a really huge part of why you keep on returning to the hydro.i think a good seperation from him would do you both a world of good.
My husband was almost exactly like yours.I put up with his rather selfish behavior for 23 years before i finally kicked his *** out the door.After he showed me that he really loved me by agreeing to go into counseling, we reconsiled and he moved back in after about four months.I am still amazed at this total change in him,and i don't know just how i would have been able to get through all of this crap that I have had to deal with since my last rather devistating surgey without this new and improved husband.I didn't think it would be possible to see such a significant change in him after the way he had treated me and the kids(never emotionally there for any of us)for so very long,but he has,and i love him more now than I ever have in the past.it took for him to see just what he had and what he might lose, if he didn't change before he finally became this kind and very supportive husband and father.If your husband really cares about you and the kids, kick his *** out the door and see how he reponds.it scared the hell out of my husband,and he didn't understand just what he really had until he was on the verge of losing it.I was actually consulting divorce lawyers as i never ever would have thought that he could ever change after so long, but he did.I just don't think you will ever be able to find the real peace and happness that you deserve if you stay with him lisa.Seperate from him, and really find out just how badly he wants to stay in your family.something has to change here Lisa, or you will never be able to totally kick the hydro. Hang in there and PLEASE, keep posting to us okay?when we don't hear from you(considering your husbands past behavior)we really, really worry about why. Hope the arm feels better soon.Marcia
hi lisa! glad you are back! husbands are so retarded that way aren't they!!!! you just need to do whatever is the right thing for you to do. if it means going to meetings (which you all know i love), do it! it's his problem if he can't handle that! you have been so inspiring to me though the past year. you keep coming back and posting no matter what. i have a friend who stays sober for a couple of months (usually 2) and then relapses on alcohol and whatever else she can do. but she keeps coming back and trying. one day, i hope, she can stay sober. someone said the other day at a meeting, getting sober isn't that hard part, staying sober is! i totally agree. i have 7 months as of a couple of days ago and can't say i haven't thought about drinking. the point is i did what i needed to do to not start over. for me that was going to a meeting, calling another addict, talking to my sponsor and higher power.
Tell your hubby to get bent! get your butt to a meeting. betcha it will help. as i know you know, one day at a time, girlie! i have faith in you!
Whew! Lisa, it's really good to see you back! Lynn and I were talking about you last nite and were very worried. I just wish you had compassionate people in your life. I truly hope you don't get "too used to" being taken for granted. You need to feel a little more rage, perhaps. I suspect most of us start battling for our lives once we get a little 'angry.' I'm not an 'angry' person...but the few times I have been, it's amazing how people who've taken me for granted 'pay attention.' I'm not talking about screaming...more about a quiet 'determined' rage that makes you take the right steps to recovery - recovery of not only a clean mind and body, but of "self-esteem.' You KNOW we care about you on the Board. Wish the people in your life did, too.... You are worth it!
Lisa, wow, welcome back. It's me rosie, back from detox, 7 1/2 days on suboxone, discharged on Tuesday, no hydros since Monday before last. I have talked to my sponsor about being in a position similar to the one you are in, because I will probably need sinus surgery to take care of the chronic sinusitis that landed me in the predicament that brought us to this board. My sponsor suffers from migraines almost constantly. Anyway, her opinion is that surgery or a car accident or whatever, if the pain warrants it, might require pain medication for a couple of days which should be taken only as prescribed, doled out by another person, and preferably not your DOC (although, right now, they're all starting to sound good . . . ) But, anyway, many diehard AA and especially Pills Anonymous (a new organization out here in Southern California) members would disagree, but it seems like if you are told that you have to tolerate any amount of insurmountable pain by yourself that is a tall order, and that is something you will have to determine for yourself, or with the help of your higher power and/or your sponsor. Remember, this is just another opinion . . . .
But, I am glad to see you back, and hope you'll hop back on the road to recovery with us. Believe me, I know it's hard. But one of the most important things I learned while in detox was that I have a good chance of losing all the things I love, including my kids and my family UNLESS I become clean and sober, so I don't have any choice, with or without my husband's help. Also, they helped my husband to understand that too, at least a little bit.
The little ones are calling mommy, mommy . . . talk later,
Oh my gosh...so good to hear from you...finally! LOL! No, I was really worried about you! I think I posted two or three new threads "looking for you." I didn't know (or didn't remember about your surgery), so that explains alot. But, never-the-less, I am a worry-wart and was going crazy not hearing from you!
I am sorry things are rough right now...I am not doing too good either but don't even want to go there.
How long will you have to be on the hydro's? (Ofcourse, the longer, the worse withdrawal will be...) Are you still in pain? Just what you need right now, huh?
Well, don't really have alot of time right now...baby is sick and crying downstairs, so I'll check back later.