This is one of those days where I just have spare moments here and there, but hopefully this week I can explain some of the things I learned at the hospital which were really very interesting, from both physiological and spiritual standpoints. But bottom line is it takes about 3 months to even feel halfway normal after stopping the drugs (and drugs includes alcohol). That's why they say 90 meetings in 90 days. And it takes even longer to fully recover. I don't think you have let yourself get there and I don't think anyone can by themselves.
I also have my own theory of why so many of us with similar lifestyles have ended up in this fix, psychobiologically, using what I learned, which included education about the receptors and pictures of brain scans, etc. Also I was a psych major. Tomorrow after I finish a project I have to work on I will try to start a thread explaining my "theory." But I wanted you to know that I am thinking about you!! And if you have any questions about detox, ask away. (BTW, I was allowed to see the kids every night.)