I'm not going to kid anymore, I used my Ultram 8/10 times just to get the opiate buzz. I ran out of them the other day, and I'm not having my mom call the doc to get me more. I'm just going to leave it at that.
It all started back in June 2003 when I first got the stuff. I just took one, and was shocked at how good the pain relief was, and how good it made me feel. From then on out, I used it very responsibly. Taking the Ultram for the high was like a ritual. I only did it on special, social occasions. Usually every Friday to celebrate the tough week ending. I kept it at this pace all the way until about December 2003. I started to take it more often. I'd take one on Monday, another one on Wedsneday, and one on Friday. This was not every week, but every two weeks. But no matter what, I ALWAYS took it on Friday.
What really messed me up was just this March, I took one on a Wedsneday, one on a Thursday, and two on a Friday (the two were seperate doses, 1 hour a part). The following week I just kept taking it every other day. I kept thinking to myself "STOP STOP STOP, if you love it enough, you'll stop taking it so much so you can enjoy it at lower doses again. BE RESPONSIBLE" But it didn't work. I just kept taking and taking. My last time taking it was last Friday. I took 2. The buzz was ok, so that means my tolerance is growing to 150mg for a buzz. This is only one of the reasons why I'm quitting.
I asked myself Friday (while under the influence of the 100mg), 'Will I ever really be able to stop this stuff? If my doc was to say never again when my mom called for more, would I get mad? Upset? Depressed? Yep'
The cravings are moderate. But Friday the cravings will be severe, just because I am so used to taking it on Friday because it was so fun. Plus my g/f is getting her license, and like I said, I always took it on very special occasions like that. Oh, I just know it on Friday we'll be riding around and I'll be like "Dang, an Ultram would make this so much more intersting and fun", and I feel so bad about that.
Please, I need some support on the coming cravings that I'll have. I have not told my mom or doctor that I abused it, I just simply told my mom not to call until I say. And I hope I have enough willpower to never ask for Ultram again.
Gosh I'm going to miss those beautiful tablets. They were white, round, and read "TL 50" on one side, and "G" on the other.
PLease, let me in your prayers and minds.
There is one thing I've always wanted to know before I hit the submit button, if you all don't mind answering it.
My tolerance to the Ultram was getting up to 150mg right? Well, if I was to wait awhile, like say, 1-4 weeks without taking any, would my tolerance be back down to normal like it use to be? I've always wanted to know that.
In other words:
WHEN TOLERANCE TO ULTRAM (and also the real opiates) DEVELOPS, CAN IT GO BACK DOWN OVER TIME? IF SO, HOW LONG DOES IT USUALLY TAKE?
Well just let me say ,congrats on seeing where you were headed and where you were at.i am very proud of you for taking this step.I know it wasn't easy.
If you stop any drug that you were taking for a long period of time that you were starting to build a tolerance to, if you go long enough without it, you will kind of be like starting over with it if you start up again,BUT, you will go back up and the tolerance will hit you much more quickly as your body starts to 'remember" the drug.It will never be the same.so if you were thinking that if you just went off for awhile so you could start over, think again.you will build up that tolerance again, and very quickly.
Things might be a little tough for awhile but in the end you know, without a doubt,that you were becoming addicted to the ultram, and this really needed to be addressed.i am just wondering what you will do about the pain now.Do you think that you will be able to deal with that without the ultram now?Maybe this is the time to really think about getting the surgery done and just get rid of the source of your problem.I know that if you do that, you will have to take some sort of narcotic for a short period of time.Maybe you could have your mom oversee this?I think that you really should come clean with your mom and your doc.wont they wonder why you all of the sudden just stopped taking them?you do have a legitimate reason for taking them,but only as Rxed.You will definitely need "something' to treat your pain.what are you planning to do there?If you don't want to tell your mom about the addiction, i think at the very least, you need to discuss this with your doc.luckily for you, you were not rxed the ultram in large quantities so i don't think you will suffer the physical part of the wds quite as badly.Most of what you will be dealing with, will be the mental part.You will have to find something to do or think about when that feeling of wanting to use it comes a callin.I know that you are very into your music, maybe you could use that as a diversion whenever that mental part starts to kick in.
You have some very important decisions to make herbal.I wish you luck and the strength to get through all of this without falling into the 'trap" again.you are very wise beyond your years,and seem to take a very responsible approach to things.I am sure you will be able to deal with this as well.we are always here if you should need us,okay?Hang in there. Marcia
I talked to my doctor and I told him about my abuse of the Ultram. He said that by the rates I took it, if I was being totally honest with him (which I was), was not addictive. I asked about alternative medicines, and he couldn't think of anything that wasn't narcotic that would help my pain. He gave me a bottle of 10 tablets. He told me my mom about how I was using them sometimes, and she has agreed to be more careful about how much I ask for one. I said "Well, what If I'm hurting a lot?", the doc said, "Well, since you have a tolerance of 100mg, a 50mg will no longer be addictived to you."
My mom doesn't really want me on it anymore, but there is no other option for my pain. I asked about surgury and he contacted the original doctor that did the tests and found the cyst, and he said it would be risky to remove the cyst, and to remove the testicle. Removing the testicle could cause a problem with the other one, and removing the cyst could cause a chance of cancer of the same testicle.
I took Aleve for my pain today, and it helped slightly. The pain was about 6/10 at first. Then I took the Aleve, and it went down to about 4/10. If I had taken an Ultram it would have went down to a 1/10 or a 0/10.
My doc will not be giving me more than 10 Ultram in a one or two month period. He said if my abuse gets worse somehow, to call him immeditely, and he'll set me up with my old therapist and try the best he can to do something about the cyst.