Hello all of you! I'm am an opiate addict and I have to do something about it.
I have always turned to opiates for emotional pain and it's really been the only thing that makes me feel "normal"
I am taking about 10 Vicodin HP (10mg) a day and I am gonna be in DEEP trouble if I don't do something immediately. I have been using illegal methods to obtain the Vicodin and I feel that a hammer is about to fall. I was in the same situation a couple of years ago and I went on Methadone. I gained about 30 pounds and ate Caramel Creams for breakfast, lunch and dinner. I was arrested for shoplifting (amazing the way addiction clouds your brain and gets you to do things you'd normally never think of) and while in jail for 7 days, I went into withdrawal from 80 mg of Methadone. It was absolute hell! I remember the cellmates I had were very concerned about me and one night they gathered over my sweating, writhing body and sang negro spirituals over me until I fell asleep.
I had to have wisdom teeth pulled and had to have the medication (looking back, an excuse) and that started the cycly over again. I feel so much more motivated and can accomplish things when on opiates. Now, it is wearing me down and the mental anguish and money issues and fear of arrest are creeping up on me so strongly that I have to do something about it.
I've been reading about Suboxone and it sounds like a lifesaver. I am working now and can't afford to be out of work. will the withdrawal disable me or will there be no significant withdrawal if I start on Sub? Is it extremely expensive? My insurance doesn't kick in for another month. Should I try to ween myself off of the Vicodin a bit before starting the Sub?
I have so many questions. I have always felt like I just needed the extra drive and happiness that the Hydros gave me. Why does everything good have to come with a price? Why can't we feel excited and happy without pills? I've been pondering a lot lately and I can't deal with a damn Methadone clinic again. Standing in line all day and waiting for a dose just like a reminder that you're an addict all over again. I know that Sub is an Opiate, but how is it different?
Sorry for being long-winded.... just needed to get this off of my chest and express myself. I think I may be saving myself before I have to completely hit rock bottom. I don't want to hit rock bottom.
I'm a male and I'm 32 years old (don't know why, but that may be important)
Hi Jett, so glad that you found us.i can soo totally relate to your story.sound familiar to anyone?everyone?
My, but you have really been through the wringer.we all have similar stories to tell,i am so happy for you that you finally want to get off the hydro roller coaster.I personally have never used the sub, but there are many people on this board who have used it or are currently used it.Banker,i think probably has been having the best luck with it(I know there are more of you out there on it, but Banker is one that really sticks in my head).i am sure she would, and many others as well,be more than happy to answer any questions that you have about it.
On the other hand, there are people here who it has not worked for or who have had some very bad reactions to it.It is like taking any other drug, some people can take it, and some can't.it is definitely something to look into for you.
i know that there are people who say that if you use it, you are still using some sort of drug so you really aren't "clean', but for people like banker, it was a total life changing,and life saving drug.
Just wanted to welcome you here and tell you how glad I am that you decided it is 'time'.I am sure other people with much more experience with sub will come along here soon and can give you much more insight to it.
You are taking a really huge step here, regardless of just why you are doing it.it takes alot of courage to do what you are going to do.some people just don't see that "writing on the wall".and keep on using and getting further and further into the addiction and just wont stop until sh## hits the fan.Or they just aren't around to do it anymore.Very sad ,but true you know?Just take things nice and slow okay?
Good luck, take care Jett. Marcia
Thanks, Marcia. I certainly appreciate the welcome and I KNOW I need to be here!
I'm trying to figure out how to taper off of the Hydros and figure out if I have enough pills left to do that. I DON'T have enough money to see a doc now and certainly not enough for the meds. I just KNOW something has got to give.
My mom would be DEVISTATED if she knew I was in such a fix AGAIN! I have to nip this in the bud quickly. Take swift action. I know I'm probably jumping way too far ahead and shouldn't be trying to do too much too fast, but reality says I don't have any other options. Tapering my dose is better than detox CT from methadone while in JAIL!
I don't even know how many Hydros I'm taking daily. I'm thinking about 10 (10mg) What's a good taper schedule? Does it help to take a benzo while tapering? I have never had an issue with benzos, so they are actually safe for me.
Oh God-are carmel creams/and opiates a government conspiracy?i had to laugh-(not at your troubles) but carmel creams-ever since ive been on sub-i gotta have em at least 4 times a week.
Ok-im serious-Heather..here-im on suboxone for a long standing H habit-and its worked very well for me.Many people on this board have opted for the sub program-basically it saved my life.No lines-meds/dr/ in privacy..and it really does help w/ the cravings and depression.
As far as a taper schedule-there are others that would be more helpful w/ this portion-since hydro was not my drug of choice.
The good thing is that the sub will help w/ that energy/that opiates give..and focus/motivations since it is an opioid medication/like methadone..but no high
If i can help let me know....
jett, sorry I don't have a good taper schedule for you as when i went off the hydro,it was rather sudden and very over the top as i was entering a month long out patient treatment program and also my supply had been rather cut off suddenly.but i know that there are other people here who have tapered and should be able to help you with that.
I just wanted to mention to you about the benzos?You may not have a problem with them right now, but as you are wding from the hydros they could become a problem if you should start depending on them too much.Just watch your intake very carefully and use only if absolutely necsessary.You could end up trading one addiction for another if you are not careful with this,okay? Better safe than sorry. Marcia
Great post. You sound like a good candidate for Suboxone. I, like you was a heavy hydro user-about 30+ tabs a day. I tried tapering, but was never successful from it. The withdrawls were too much for me at 30 a day. Please read my story as well.
Tapering will take a long time and a lot of pills to be successful. They say tapering at 10% a week to nothing is doable and withdrawls are not as bad. So for example, if you are taking 10 a day, take 9 a day for a week, then 8 a day for a week, etc.
Slow tapers are best because it gives your brain enough time to recover from the loss of opiates in your receptors, thus your physical body does not suffer as much from it. If you have time, then this would be OK. However, if you don't..Suboxone may be the answer.
I was on Subutex. Click on the link below and go to the website..the address is:
Look for a doctor and make an appointment. Initial office visit consultation runs anywhere from $250-450 depending on location/State. All of the doctors are Psychiatrists/addictionologist, thus more equipped to deal with your addiction. You will have to do some leg work and find one that is appropiate for you.
When you get to the office, you should be in withdrawls-Some say 24hours before your last pill. I didn't have to be 24hrs into withdrawl-I was only 4 hours from my last pill. When you take Subutex immediately..THERE ARE NO WITHDRAWLS. It was simply amazing. You function like a normal human being!!! You cannot get high off Sub. You can take a hydro with it and not get high off the hydro (trust me, I tried it). Don't do it though. It is a long acting opiate and it has a 24-36 hour affect on you in contrast to hydros which are short acting.
However, the drug is still in the process of approval for FDA. It is an opiate based. You will have withdrawls coming off it as well, but do a slow taper, like I have. You should be OK.
Sub has saved my life. I don't know what I would have done without it. Don't be scared. Run and call the Sub doc now! Your mom will never know. You will be fine.
Thanks so much for the comments! I am definitely going the Suboxone route, i didn't really need convincing because I know it's the best route for me. I really think it sounds like a lifesaver! My question now is how expensive are the pills? If I can muster enough for the Dr. visit, I'll be in BIG trouble affording the pills. The alternative, however, is to go CT or taper. Doing this, surely, will cause me to miss work and probably get fired.
It's so hard to realize the crazy things you've done pill hunting. I went to the pharmacy and had a forged Dr. Prescription in my 9 year old nephews name. I put it in his name because he has insurance and I couldn't afford the meds. I didn't realize what a betrayal it was to my sister. I love my little nephew so much and I love my sister, too couldn't believe the person I had become. I felt so lowdown that The first te I ever even complated suicide. I felt (and feel worthless.What kind of person would do somethike that? It gets worse. The pharmacy I took the script to is in Atlanta. My sister and nephew live in SC. So the pharmacist started thinking about things (after he filled the meds) and called the doctor to verify. Of course, he found it to be a forgery. The insurance company gave the info to contact my sister and the pharmacy called her. They faxed my photo to her local Rx shop for her to see and maybe identify. My mom thought that it might have been mand called to ask and I admitted. My sister didn't want me to be in trouble, so she refused to look at the photo. Thank GOD!