I posted this under your sub thread, but wanted to repost under separate thread in case you missed it--I really want you to read this!
Re: Sub question????
Michelle! I just got up and have to quickly make it look like I did something for hubby, lol. but as to your original question, here is my response: I had no w/d while I was on my max dose of the sub (6 mg in one day) At the end of my taper, it hit me, hard. I had really bad, umm tummy problems, know what I mean, and got shaky, etc. So it does delay the w/d. HOWEVER, I never had the RLS, which was nice. Now for me, I was also going through a benzo w/d, so who knows what was what. I never vomited, either.
There is so much I want to tell you and with all this sleep it has been hard to get the time to sit down and do it. Let me tell you that I believe that was the only way. The hospital was really really nice. The other people in there included 2 nurses and a doctor's wife. The doctor let me see my kids every single day (he believes a "shot" every 24 hours works better w/ the little ones). I don't know if I would have made it without that.
My most important realization learned? If I continue to use these drugs, I WILL lose my kids, my family, my home, everything. Another way they put it is "Anything you put between you and your sobriety, you WILL lose." And recovery is all about a relationship with God as you know him, keeping him part of every moment. You say you cannot imagine the rest of your life without pills. Well, I can't either. My moment of clarity was about 4 days into my treatment when I called my husband and told him where my stash of about 150 pills was. I felt sad as the nurse ground up all the pills I had brought with me. The only thing I can say is that today I am not going to use any pills. I can't do it any other way but moment to moment, hour to hour, day by day. I love my children and my husband. I will not be able to keep them if I go down that path. Do you know how many women I met who had been in terrible accidents while under the influence with their kids in the car? It is just a matter of time. If you keep using, you WILL end up either: in jail, in an institution, or dead. Period. If you put your sobriety first, the rest will come back first class.
I will tell you more later or tomorrow. Michelle, I love you and you have helped other people, including me, so much! You were always there when I needed you. And I still do.
One more thing, the first 90 days, you might not feel that good (that's why AA and NA say 90 meetings in 90 days). It takes that long for your brain to begin to heal and feel hopeful and even longer to fully recover. But the only way to get there is to stick it out, and no one can do that on their own, sweetie.
That hits me right between the eyes and yet I sit here thinking (as I am reading) "that could never happen to me." Why would I continue to have this type of mentality? I know my problem, I know I am powerless to my problem, I feel like I know how to correct this problem, and yet I find myself "skirting" the issue with every ounce of being inside of me?
I am so ashamed and guilt ridden yet I continue this cycle and continue to think I can "fix it." Yet, I know I can't (if that makes sense). I am really confused and "lost" feeling.
I am so happy for you though. You sound great and God knows, you deserve all the happiness He has in store for you! Congratulations on your decision to take your life back!
Thanks again for taking the time to post that to me,
Michelle, I am running late, should have left 15 minutes ago to take the poor sitter home, but was kind of waiting to see if you would come on. Honey, don't sit there and be happy for me. Start those wheels churning in that smart head of yours. Make some calls. You don't have to give them your name. That's what I did. They would say, well give me your insurance info and I can check your benefits and I would say, huh, i'llcallyabacklaterclick.
I am thinking about you so so much!!! We are 2 peas in a pod. We ended up in this spot for a reason, too, which I still have to explain (my theory) but I really truly have to go now! So glad you saw this!
This is important for a variety of reasons.
Its good to hear you are feeling better now. Don't let people on the boards get to you. I know you are having such a hard time, trying to bring everything together. But I believe you can accomplish this...
You have always been there for me, when I wanted to talk to someone. Let me repay you back now.
Post back and let me know, okay.???
Last edited by kindaunwell; 04-27-2004 at 07:00 PM.
Great. Now listen. We love you!!! No one is trying to make you feel bad, it is just that we really want you to be around for a long long time and have a happy life, because you and your family deserve it! It was so scary to see you just disappear like that for a couple days. Please, please know that we are here for you and we have learned and are in the process of learning so much that we can share. And I know you have alot to teach us through your experiences, okay?
I am so glad to see you up and about, even if it is to go on a tirade against whoever that was. Like I said, hubby tried tough love on me, and it made me go and grab more pills, lol. Now I know I was just hurting me, not him. I never really minded the stuff people said to me online here, I guess because I wasn't as emotionally connected. I know you are sensitive, though, and that is alot of what makes you such a special and good person.
gotta run, hubs will be home and gotta hide the fries I gave the kids, hee hee