Just wanted to start this for you and I (well, and anyone else who wants to jump in )! Mainly, I wanted to let you know, I say your post about the suboxone on the other thread. I will have to decide something in about three weeks because (I have calculated) and that's when I'll be out of my subutex.
So???? Will more than likely re-schedule with that other addictionologist (the first one I saw) and "lay everything out" for him and see what he suggest. I even told my husband, if he suggest re-hab, I am seriously considering it. And that is HUGE for me! You know how I always said "NO RE-HAB!" But, if that is what is takes, then so be it. I can't continue to live like this. Ya know?
Okay, Survivor is on...GOTTA GO!
Hey girlfriend, I like how you are sounding! Maybe start putting out feelers for someone who could handle the kids and call a few hospitals to see what is available in your area? People at the AA meetings in your area might have some suggestions too. I went to a great women's NA meeting tonight.
Hi how are ya?
I read that other post-and i just wanted to tell you-if you decieded on rehab-if this subutex-doesn't work-to not be so worried...it really isn't the worst thing/in fact it can really jumpstart the whole recovery process(thats the intention,right?)..Honestly-like i wrote in my little detox story-you can connect w/ others going thru the same problems-lots of NA groups/AA etc.
I actually learned alot about addiction in detox-cos the first time i went i knew i was addicted-but i didn't have alot of info-and id never had any treatment at all.
So your ahead of the game-you know whats going on-and it might be the best thing for you.
Whatever you deciede-im behind you-you've been a real comfort to many of us-your a very special women-w/alot of love to give.
Just had to say michelle that i am sooo very glad that you are at the very least, looking at this just a little more seriously.I believe that this is by far the best thing you could possibly do for yourself to finally get over that great big hump that has been in your way for such a very long time.This truely IS your best option.i hope you really,really think hard about this and do the right thing here.Just look at Rosie Michelle.I am sooo very proud of you Rosie,despite all of the things that worried you and kind of scared you,you just did it!!Please listen to all that rosie has to tell you.Your situations are so very similar.I hope you make the right decision Michelle,this really IS the best possible thing that you could ever do for yourself.you really made my day by just reading this last post form you,as at least you are looking at this option much more intensly than in the past.Just wanted to let you know that i am very proud of you. marcia
Michelle - I'm proud of you! You are ON YOUR WAY! Unfortunately, we cannot handle/control or beat addiction by ourselves... I know this other doc will help you make a decision on what is the best method for you. VERY proud. I've been so dang busy... also pretty depressed so I haven't felt like typing. I've got to go to a meeting but I'll be back on in a little while. Again, way to go and good luck!
Good to hear from you, Heather!!! Been awhile since we talked? How are you doing...really? How often do you see your sub doctor? Just curious how it is "down the road?" Hope things are going well...
Banker, ofcourse, the word DEPRESSION jumped out...are you okay? Anything going on? I guess it is normal for us gals to experience that good ole "hormonal depression" here and there...hope that is all it is. How often do you go to meetings? I wish I could go more regularly. I probably could if I put a little more effort, but just about no one will keep all three babies at one time now. My parents will for awhile, but I know it wears them out. My in-laws are old, so they can only keep one at a time for a short period of time...heck, even hubby has a hard time with all three! LOL!! It is an act of congress to find sitters. But, I have learned, when one really wants to do something, they do.......
Marcia, how are things with you? Your children? Thank you for always being so encouraging (even though I have so many "high" and "lows"). Didn't you go to detox years ago? I'll be honest, I am scared. When I went to see the addictionologist (the second one who put me on sub), he runs a rehab, and when I went to see him the first time, people were mopping, and cleaning and were "at work" and I felt so uncomfortable. It was also a little bit dirty..don't mean to sound "better," but I couldn't see myself actually having to sleep there. In the "lobby," women were waiting for a meeting I guess (they all had the same book) and it was obvious a couple of them were in withdrawals (they were all a mess...not just physically but emotionally...one was crying) and it scared the dickens out of me to think of myself "being there." I really don't want to sound "pompous," I am just so used to CLEAN and STRAIGHT and FRESH and all that....I don't know...I may be coming across sounding awful, but just being honest as to why I am so scared of rehab???? I even asked Rosie if she had to "work!" Not that I don't clean dishes, tubs, floors...heck, I scrub potties every week, but they are MY POTTIES!!!!! Ya know? I better just shut up....
Michelle - I didn't go to a real meeting.... It was a work meeting. I have tons every day. I WISH I could attend real meetings but I'm just like you. Without Suboxone, I would HAVE to go and I mean a lot but with Suboxone, I manage since I don't crave.
Hey - about the detox --- think about this. Imagine my sweet, 87 year old grandmother in detox right now. She is an extremely classy lady and extremely proud. She is the typical old southern belle. Seriously, I think if she knew she was in a detox facility, she would absolutely DIE from embarassment. Anyway, please keep that picture in your mind if you determine you need 'in house' treatment. Imagine my sweet grandmother there... And she is extremely intelligent. She's an amazing artist and always has been. Her paintings have sold for TONS of money. So... just keep that in mind. I'm not fussing at you because if I didn't know better, I would imagine detox as a horrible place as well but my mother was in so many, I cannot even count! And I would visit during visitation and there were just normal people there.
K - depression... I'm going to see a shrink on June 7th to try and change my meds because they are not controlling my ADD as well as my depression, which worsens to the point of almost not being able to function about 1 1/2 weeks prior to me starting... It's horrrible. It wasn't like this prior to last baby. Anyway, today was a better day than yesterday.
So glad that you are still thinking very hard about this option, I really am.and your welcome.
It is okay to be scared michelle.what you are feeling is just a fear of the unknown,and that is perfectly normal when you consider that what you are about to do will change your life forever.
Now, about that rehab that you saw just bits and pieces of, would this be your only option as far as a rehab facility goes,or would you have any other options?You don't have to go to some place that really creeps you out you know,there are many different types of facilitys out there.i would check into that and find out just what your options are there if this bothers you this much.But if you have to go there,then you have to go there you know?i am sure that it wouldn't be the worst place to go.after all, people DO get well there.Think of just getting out of that environment as a real great motivator.i am sure that it isn't as bad as you think.and as far as the cleaning goes, i am sure that you would see things a little differently once you are actually there.Just think of it as a good way for you to burn up that nervous energy that you know that you will have.
I did go to out patient treatment for my lovely addiction way back in 91.The biggest problem that i had when i went was that i was the only one there,in my group(the women and men were seperated most of the time)that was trying to kick an addiction to pain meds.And that was out of a big group of about fifteen women.now things are so very different,and there are probably more women in treatment for an addiction to pain meds than anything else.you will be in great company Michelle.The only person that i could really relate to was a one of the counselors that i had from time to time.she used to work as an RN in a hospital.My, but this woman had sooo many ways of obtaining meds it was just really insane.She eventually lost her job and her license when she was caught forging one of the docs Rxes.That is one thing that i never would have had the guts to do.but anyway, we had such a great connection and she is really the only one that really connected with.She helped me the most as she really understood EVERYTHING about this type of addiction.the other women really did try but just didn't quite understand all that is involved when you are addicted to pain meds.There are many things that are the same as an addiction to alcohol or street drugs but there are also many unique things that go along with this that no one could really grasp unless you had been there.but i tried as hard as i could to beat it,and i did.you have to ask yourself "how bad do i want this thing called sobriety" and "what am i willing to do to achieve it"?You know how badly you want to just be plain old michelle,minus the hydro.
Just always remember that you are doing the best possible thing for yourself here michelle,and don't let anything or anyone stand in the way between you and that wonderful sobriety that has always been just wating for you on the other side of that great big hump.You deserve to be happy michelle.we all do.but you will never feel that feeling of peace and happiness until you just get up and do it,you know?
i am so very proud of you for seeing this need (finally)and the only chance here for you to literally save your own life.This IS the solution to your biggest problem right now.You will be so happy and so proud,once you have done this, you cannot even imagine.Ask Root,and rosie.They will tell you,just incase you cannot see and feel that overwhelming joy that you read in their most recent posts.This CAN and WILL be you too.but you will have to work harder than you ever have before in your life in order to get there.But it is sooo very worth it.i know that you have it in you. thanks for asking about my kiddies.They are both doing pretty well right now.My oldest just started straterra three days ago for his recently(FINALLY)Dxed add.It has been a long time commin!So far so good.we will just have to see how things go.
now my baby(my 17 year old baby)he is doing the best that I have ever seen since this whole antidepressant nightmare first started last year.He is doing amazingly well on the depakote and started this special school.It is for kids who are struggling with things like depression or other mental health issues who have somehow all had their own little or huge crisises happen in their lives.I had been trying to get him in there for about the last two months while he had been on home bound.I absolutely love this place!! They even have a bus that comes and picks him up at the door and then drops him off again later.that is a huge deal for me as with my legs,which seem to be getting worse and worse everyday,i don't have to drive him anywhere at all.and the biggest thing is that he just plain likes it! i wasn't sure just how this would all go and wheather or not he would like it enough to stay with it,but he is doing sooo well and actually enjoys going.He made many friends even on the first day.He has such a really great sense of humor, and really relates well to other people.It is just soo wonderful to finally have my son back.He has been "gone" for way to long and i missed him terribly.So we will just see how things go with this.We are hoping that he will be doing well enough to be able to go back to his regular high school possibly sometime in the early fall.This program runs non stop through out the summer(he wasn't too thrilled with that part at first but I think things are a little better there now)so he will get plenty of therepy throughout the summer.we'll just have to see.
Well, I am sorry for rambling on.(be careful when you start askin me questions,lol)i hope you will get going on all of this soon Michelle.It is honestly and truely the most important step that you will ever take in your life,but sooo worth it. good luck hon.Marcia
Can you tell me a little more about the meds your son is on? What is it and how has it changed him? If you don't mind me asking. I'm also very happy that you guys found this medication. Hey - have you guys heard from - oh... now I can't remember her name but she was so terribly sweet and she was such an inspiration. Very close to God and she had an infection in her leg? Gosh, her name is escaping me and I feel badly about that but I absolutely LOVED her and I don't know where she is?
Just a for your information I did a rapid detox rehab took 4 day in the los angelas area I think it really is good but the key after they get the opiates away from your body is go to the meetings and have a plan for some kind of treatment counseling and helping yourself afterwords it does flush the opiates away and you dont go through the w/d,s but after that a few phone counseling sessions with a physc doctor and that it very costly too.....just an FYI I could not do a 30 treatment.....Dan
I've heard that the rapid detox was a nightmare for several people. That basically, they force all of the opiates out as quickly as possible so that you will experience a 'severe' withdrawal while you are sleeping. But what about when you wake up? Do you not still have withdrawal symptoms? How can they take what sometimes takes weeks or even months to go through and do it in just a few days. I wonder sometimes that If I were to get off of Sub, if that would be an option for me since it IS an opiate and it seems like the withdrawals would work the same way. Only thing is, I've heard that you could literally die from rapid detox. What happens when they do it and how does it all work? I mean, when you left after four days, did you feel physically great with no withdrawal symptoms, including insomnia, restless leg syndrome or anything or was it just the cold hard cravings that hit you pretty hard?
Banker, My youngest son,the one with the nightmare reactions to the SSRIs?they started him on depakote(it is a mood stabilizer).i just have to say that for the first time in well over a year, that My real son is back.this change is truely remarkable.it has been a long time comin,but well worth the wait and all of the hell that we have been through over this past year.my son always had a really fun sense of humor.He says things all day,that just crack you up.That part of my son has been missing for the past year.It is such a joy just to see him laughing and be truely happy.My other son just started Straterra for his up until just two weeks ago,undxed ADD.He has had it all of his life,since grade school.instead of the school doing some testing on him(after all,he DID fit just about every sign in the profile)way back then(he will be 21 this month)they just labled the poor kid as a "problem".I often wonder that if he would have just been dxed back then and treated appropriately,he could have accomplished soooo much.Both of the boys are extremely smart and when they really tried when still in school, would bring home some As and Bs.But now, we are really trying to get everyone(including myself) back on track.you should see the stacks of bills from the therepists!For the first time in a very long time, I am hopeful that for once in their lives, we will see some successes. Thanks for asking Banker,Have a great day.Marcia
Last edited by feelbad; 05-02-2004 at 05:53 AM.
Reason: Don't know how to spell,yikes!