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Old 05-01-2004, 12:03 PM   #1
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Tinkrbell HB User
What should I do?

I'm trying to figure out if my boyfriend has a drinking problem. We have been together for 10 months, 6 of which raise my concerns. He doesnt drink every night but at least twice a week. It's not just a beer or two after work. He gets smashed to the point I found him passed out in the bathroom at 5 am this morning. He was still tipsy by the time he went to work this morning. Every friday night he stumbles home drunk, he does the same on saturday and at usually once mid week he drinks at home by himself. I have told him how I feel, he apologises, nothing changes. He tells me he likes beer, and I truly believe he cannot say no to a beer in front of him. I love him very much but I'm at a point where I am ready to leave him. I'm 25 he's 28 but drinks like a 18 year old. I love him and I want to help him but I don't know what to say to help him realize he has a problem with alcohol.

 
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Old 05-01-2004, 12:29 PM   #2
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jorob HB User
Re: What should I do?

Hi Tinkerbell,

No one can say whether he is an alcoholic except him. Having said that, to me (a recovering alcoholic 56 days sober) he sounds like he has a problem and very well may be an alcoholic.

AA has a terrific website that you can go to, just google Alcoholics Anonymous and it will come up. They also have a set of questions that would help him determine if he is an alcoholic.

Unfortunately, if he doesn't think it's a problem he's not going to change and you will get more miserable. I don't want to sound so pessimistic, but if you are at a point where you want to leave him, I don't know that you should stay. Even if he does want help, it will be a struggle so you need to consider that if you want to stay in the relationship.

Kathi

 
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Old 05-01-2004, 01:25 PM   #3
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Re: What should I do?

every other aspect of our relationship is perfect. hes not a violent drunk hes not even slightly mean.

 
Old 05-01-2004, 01:38 PM   #4
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Re: What should I do?

There is a distinction between a heavy drinker and alcohol addict/alcoholic. Some of the signs of alcoholism are.

1. Having to drink to feel normal or to get rid of tremors.

2. Blackouts which amount to amnesia, not remembering what they said and did the night before...

3. Morning drinking.

4. Tolerance building, drinking heavy amounts of alcohol while still maintaining the ability to walk, speak, and act nornally.

Sometimes someone crosses the line from a heavy drinker to an alcoholic, and once they have, according to AA, they cannot go back. Watch for the above signs. If he is not mean or abusive and you care for him a lot, you may want to stick with him. There may be some significant work related or other stresses that are behind these drinking patterns. These could be identifed and addressed.

 
Old 05-01-2004, 01:40 PM   #5
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Re: What should I do?

2. Blackouts which amount to amnesia, not remembering what they said and did the night before...


he has had that....... but not the other ones. i just feel he is well on his way to becoming an alcoholic. he comes from an addictive family (both mom and brother are heavy heavy pot smokers and nobody can tell me pot is not addictive)

 
Old 05-01-2004, 01:52 PM   #6
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Re: What should I do?

My last boyfriend did the exact same thing. He didn't drink just a couple of drinks... He would literally turn the bottle up of Crown. One night, he got so drunk that he fell trying to get to the bed. It was the biggest turn off for me (of course, I was taking 20 lortabs a day and had no business saying anything) but I DID say something and told him that I did not like it when he got that drunk and asked him why he felt the need to drink so much. I would make several very light comments about his drinking... In fact, I remember asking him if he thought he had a problem and he said 'well, I don't think so'. However, after that point (which was about 2 months into the relationship) he basically stopped drinking. Over the next 8 mos of our relationship, he might have drank twice and not vvery much at all. When I heard stories of his last girlfriend and how she broke up w/him because she didn't like his drinking... I was very concerned. But like I said, as soon as I talked with him about it... he basically stopped. I was still worried even after he stopped drinking that eventually, he would start again because it's very hard for a true alcoholic to just stop... without some kind of assistance. However, he really did have real willpower so point being... If you don't want to deal with it and it sounds as though he's not going to stop doing it, then I would leave. If you are one that already has any troubles with life at all (depression, anxiety, or any other types of problems) then you certainly don't need additional problems from him.

Just be careful. It sounds like to me that if once he starts drinking that he cannot control it, then there could be a problem. Let us know what you decide to do, if anything.

 
Old 05-01-2004, 01:58 PM   #7
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Re: What should I do?

i have tried to talk to him about it. he doesnt think he has a problem. i want him to see he has a problem and get some help for it. i'm sure if i leave he will just get worse and that thought scares me. i love him and the thought of him going downhill if i leave scares me. once i calm down over this recent episode i'm going to sit him down and have a talk with him. no nagging or b*******, just going to tell him how i feel and maybe help him see it is a problem.

Last edited by Tinkrbell; 05-01-2004 at 01:59 PM.

 
Old 05-01-2004, 02:18 PM   #8
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Re: What should I do?

<<he has had that....... but not the other ones. i just feel he is well on his way to becoming an alcoholic. he comes from an addictive family (both mom and brother are heavy heavy pot smokers and nobody can tell me pot is not addictive)>>

I hate the stuff, makes me paranoid, but it would probably be the safest mind altering drug around if we regulated it. Problem comes in when someone does not know what it is laced with, same goes for any street drug. There is no evidence I am aware of related to a physical withdrawal syndrome. Psychological, yes, cravings. No one has ever died of a pot overdose that I am aware of.

He is having blackouts... Not a good sign, but this can happen with heavy drinking apart from addiction. He still may not hooked on alcohol, at least not yet. The fact that he is presently, for the most part, just a "weekend warrior" may be evidence to the contrary. Maturity or resolving some stress issues may solve this problem. Does no good to give someone the "alcoholic" label that does not warrant it. Nor would they likely to be successful in AA meetings. Just my thoughts, not saying you are suggesting any of this.

 
Old 05-02-2004, 12:01 PM   #9
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Re: What should I do?

I talked to him last night, hopefully things turn around.

fyi, i used to smoke pot, i had some that my best friend got from her aunt, it was laced with crack, almost killed me. i havent touched it since..... i have seen people get really sketchy if they dont have any pot to smoke. its really rather scary...

 
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