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Old 05-02-2004, 06:49 AM   #1
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Lynn, Michelle, anyone else who knows about Grandma

Good morning guys -


I just had to tell you guys this. Just talked to my aunt and she spoke w/my grandmother last night. She told my aunt that she went to a 'tripple A meeting' last night.

I'm sorry... but it just cracked me up. I couldn't help it. Am I going straight to hell for thinking that's funny?


She sounded fine last night.... According to my aunt.

Wish us all luck. The social worker is telling my aunt (the one that's half way decent) that she wants my grandmother to go to assisted living instead of living w/my aunt. She basically said she will never go home to her house again. SO SAD! But, my crazy aunt is at her house and hopefully will be going home soon (Washington). However, there is going to be a hearing in May to determine guardianship and both aunts are fighting for it. I just hate that this has come down to this. Her oldest daughter just wants her money. If she had her to take care of again, she would just keep her drunk all day - just like she's done over the last many months. None of us were aware of this until about a month ago. Anyway, I'm trying to only think of the good things and to me, the good thing is that hopefully, most of the time she doesn't know why she is there. Which is why I guess I got a kick out of the tripple A meeting. Couldn't help it. K - love you guys and hope everyone is well.

I'm doing pretty well but I have to take my 2 year old to doc today - I'm positive that she has 'hand, foot and mouth disease'. Although, right now it's not too bad... I'm scared as to what's to come. They warned us at the daycare that there was another baby that found out they had it so I think it was inevitable. This means she cannot go to daycare for the next 7 - 10 days. There is no way I can miss this much work and her dad's wife has that little baby (my daughter's half brother - she was preg w/him when I was having my daughter in the hospital) and I'm sure she doesn't want my daughter over there to 'infect' her baby but she was there the last few days so I know he's already been exposed. And I'm sorry, but what about my TWO other boys that can get it too. It would not be fair for me to have to take off the entire time. I'm covered up at work. It's just not right and I'm starting to have problems with her. She's a BIT(&! BAD!

Anyway, just another dramatic day in my life today... what's new?

 
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Old 05-02-2004, 07:15 AM   #2
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Re: Lynn, Michelle, anyone else who knows about Grandma

Banker - LOLOL!! Triple A! When I was a kid, we used to visit my grandmother in this hospital once a month. (It was my father's Mom, and he visited her all the time.) One day we brought along our parakeet--and she just oved seeing him and all the little tricks we'd taught him. (Parakeets are very smart!!) Anyway, the next month when we arrived at the hospital, after Grandma hugged Alice and me, she asked "So...how's your little "parachute." LOL! But your story is even funnier!!

I do agree with you that assisted living would probably be the best thing for your grandmother...it will give her a sense of independence and dignity...but she will still have the help she needs. All my friends have either been through..or are going through...the sadness of aging parents. And this assisted living has been very successful. My friend Pam's father (he was British) lived in a terrific assisted living building, where he had his own apt and his privacy...but each day, some one would just check and say hello to see what he might need. In most places, meals are included...and the dining room is a nice place to meet other residents. We have quite a luxurious assisted living building a few blocks away from us--they have all sorts of programs, classes, visits to plays, concerts, etc,. I'd like to retire there!!! LOLOL! During the summer, I often take my two dogs down along that block, because the reisdents sit on benches outside, and some of them miss their old dogs terribly--and love to spend a little time with mine. (I've also done "pet therapy" at an old age home/hospital in the city, with my first dog, Oliver. I love working with the elderly....but after my long, sad experience with my mother...I couldn't face that sort of volunteer work for awhile. Maybe in a few years.)

I didn't even KNOW kids could get hand, foot and mouth disease. Forgive me....but I thought it was a "cow" thing! LOL! Wait! I get it!!! Your kids graze in a PASTURE during the day when you're at work!!! lOLOLOL!! Sorry....I just couldn't resist it. But, I do hope it is not serious--I guess the infectious period is nearly over by now. Can you get a day person from an agency to watch her during your work hours?? Boy, that IS a problem, when you're working. Too bad the bank doesn't have a "play group" for little ones!!!

will check back later on. xxx Lynn xx

PS Today's the NY Dog Walk for Cancer charity walk--and it's raining!!! Ugh!!

 
Old 05-03-2004, 07:23 AM   #3
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Re: Lynn, Michelle, anyone else who knows about Grandma

Banker, that put a smile on my face, too! It is sad, but amusing, our grandparents, huh? That is how my grandmother is....she'll ask me the same question 10 tens within the hours. It cracks us all up but if you really stop and think about it, it is sad because it means only one thing...she is getting old and not the "young gram" she used to be!

I am glad you're doing a little better! OOHHH...hope your baby doesn't have "H, F, and M." That is a doozer!!! (You do know that expression don't you...LOL!)

Hang in there and take care,
Michelle

Keep us informed of Grandma!

 
Old 05-04-2004, 04:06 AM   #4
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Re: Lynn, Michelle, anyone else who knows about Grandma

Guys - things are not good and I'm as depressed as ever. I continue to have the swings... up and down. It's horrid. I cannot get to that doc fast enough. I've already begun tapering from my lexepro. One every other day and then half of my dose every other day. I want to be off of it when I get to see the doc. See, I first made an appt. w/my Sub doc on the 12th thinking he would help me get on the right meds but I really, really should wait and go see the real phyciatrist. Don't you guys think? Do you think she's going to make me get off of xanax. Ya'll... Since the decrease in lexpro, my anxiety has worsened.

Let me give you the skinny - both aunts are fighting HARD over my grandmother. Now, us sisters are split between aunts and things are only getting worse. One aunt told me yesterday on a voice mail that if I was supporting the other aunt, that I should DIE! And don't think she's just not crazy enough to do it. She told me that my grandmother did not need detox and when I replied 'how is that when YOU said she was drinking a bottle a day' her response was 'well, they were small bottles'. It's all so terribly crazy. Seriously, I've found out that my oldest sister has been lying to me for months and we had actually gotten closer. Going to excercise together, eating, watching the other's children.... Now all of that is gone. She is nuts too and I just thought she was better.

When I was in the middle of my custody battle, I gave her my checkcard and asked her to get some things at the store for me. I even gave her extra money for doing it - and she had the nerve to go withdraw $200 extra dollars for herself without telling me. Now you tell me, I work for the bank - how am I not going to know this was done, where it was done and exactly what time it was done. Not to mention I could get a copy of the film at the ATM. Well, I got over that one and then now I've been betrayed again. (This would be about the 8th time). She's done so many things, literally criminal. This just makes me feel more alone. But I did make up w/the good aunt. We haven't spoken for a year but we've made up and she's been very sweet and supportive.

She has always been like my mother but she's extremely controlling so a year ago, I said no more. Now, we are talking again. When I say my life is crazy right now, you just cannot imagine.

I've started talking to a guy that I met and we talk on the phone for about 2 hours every night. He's LOADED - owns his own business... attorney but doesn't practice because 'he can make more money in business'. Last night on the phone, he made me feel like an idiot because I had to ask him the definition of a word. He was SO ugly... said it wasn't his job to educate me. After knowing that I'm self conscience about not graduating college. I was in shock - he later apologized and talked about how stressful his life was because of the business. I had to speak up and told him to come and trade w/me anyday and he would never make it w/three kids and banking. I think he finds 'less than rich' girls and then treats them like crap because they will stay w/him for his money.... GUESS WHAT? Not this one! He's crazy as hell if he thinks I will allow treatment like he gave me last night.

In addition, I've felt like I'm just a ball of anger. It's coming out on my children and my ex has noticed as well. Says I just need to 'calm down'. I yell at the kids a lot and I don't want to. I feel a little hopeless myself these days. I've apologized to the kids more times over the last week than I can count. I'm just extremely angry and anxious. And I don't think it's from decreasing the lexepro because I just started it. I don't understand what has happened. I used to be so happy, confident, and tried to be positive. Now, things are just so different. I have basically no friends at work. I'm very close w/my senior manager and so nobody talks to me because they are scared I'm going to tell her things they have said/done. Seriously, I have 2 friends at work and that is it. And one of those is iffy at times.

Goodness, I'm sorry this is so long. Things just suck right now and I don't know what other word to use. They just suck! K - baby is waking up. Oh, Michelle - it WAS H, F, and M but a mild case, thank God. But my doc is letting her go to daycare. Isn't that odd? She's contagious as she can be but I think his thinking is she has already exposed everyone a week before it actually manifested itself. K - screaming now, bye guys.

 
Old 05-04-2004, 06:04 AM   #5
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Re: Lynn, Michelle, anyone else who knows about Grandma

Banker - You poor thing. On top of all your problems, it sounds like you need a complete reanalysis of your meds. I wish you could see your doctor sooner. Depression and all that anger must make you feel just miserable.

You should definitely write down, day by day (morning and afternoon and night),how you emotions are changing. This will help you and your doctor figure out whether it is specific stresses causing all that anger...or hormonal. Your doc. can take blood tests and find out how much of each medication is actually n your body.There may be too much...or too little. And either way, that would affect your quick emotional changes. I don't know anything about Lexapro or Xanax--my drugs are Prozac and Wellbutrin--but these emotional swings can be a sign that your meds definitely need reevaluation.
And you doctor will help you find a med that works!!

And, of course, all that stress going on in your life!! Our younger sister in Florida had different ideas from Alice and I about the care of my Mom....so I know all about the "fun" of family conflicts that seem to inevitably arise in situations like these.

I have some choice words for the fellow who made that comment about "educating you"--he has no right to THINK that--let alone SAY it!! Run a mile from someone who is so disrespective when you're still at the PHONE stage of the relationship. Even the apology he made about "his business" being so stressful--first of all, it sounds like he's bragging about his financial success, and 2) there's no excuse for him to have said that to you in the first place. He's already setting up a relationship where you are not at his level. That makes me soooo angry. Hope you are thinking twice about him. Maybe you life at the moment is too mentally chaotic for you to add on all the difficulties of setting up a new realtionship in the midst of all the problems you are having right now. Anyway...you know I am just being protective of you! (I'd like to give that fellow a piece of my mind!!!) :-)

I hope that things ease up for you and that you can get those meds straightened out as quickly as possibly. It will be hard for you to help other members of your family, when you, yourself, are feeling so anxious and so low. I really hope you'll be better soon..and looking at yourself in a more positive way. You have just helped SO many people!

tty later, xxx Lynn xxx

 
Old 05-04-2004, 06:33 AM   #6
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Re: Lynn, Michelle, anyone else who knows about Grandma

Banker,

I'm sorry you are going through all of this with your family. Maybe it isn't a great time to get off your anxiety/depression meds? I dunno, but you need some help from somewhere.

And as for the "gentleman"... ahem and I'm using that term very loosely... don't let him make you feel like you aren't smart. Dumb people don't aspire to have a bigger vocabulary! You are obviously smart or you wouldn't be working in a high position at a bank and raising 3 young children on your own. How many men do you know that could handle THAT? I don't know of too many including my own husband who is very good with the children! You're doing an awesome job and don't let anyone make you feel differently.

Please keep us posted on your grandma! It's good that she has you... love and caring goes a LONG way!

 
Old 05-04-2004, 06:05 PM   #7
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Re: Lynn, Michelle, anyone else who knows about Grandma

Hi, Banker....Guess you're feeling too depressed to sit and write messages..and, believe me...I know! Writing ANYTHING when you're depressed is a bit like running a Triathalon--AFTER you've chug-a-lugged your nightly dose of Ambien!!! :-)

But want you to know that I'm thinking of you and hoping so much that you'll feel better real soon. AND...I just wanted to remind you that 1) stress can actually "override" the effectiveness of your normal dosage of antidepressants. ..and 2) that, just as quickly as your brain chemistry has suddenly changed for the worse...it can change back just as quickly for the best! And, then...you will find that the new, "improved" recipe with the corect dosage for you, will turn you around and your mood will lift. Not that your very real problems at the moment will just "up and go"--but at least you'll be able to handle them with a stablized level of the chemicals that your brain seems to be struggling to find, at this point.

What exactly is Lexipro? An antidepressant? Is it at all like Prozac or Wellbutrin? How long have you been taking it? And, how long have you been prescribed Xanax? The suboxone sounds like the one real stablized drug now in your system. It has, obviously, been a miracle for you! But, the effectiveness of these other two pills...even if you've been taking them for some time now...may have been altered by all the very stressful situations you are tackling with at the moment. Just something to think about? I hope you can see your "pill" doctor very, very soon, so that all these things can be checked...and any changes in the meds started as quickly as possible.

Banker...you really are such a strong, determined..and kind person...but right now you could use someone to look after and take care of YOU! :-) Wish I was there to help! But, in the meantime, as you wait (impatiently, I'm sure!) to feel beter--you should just know that there are many of us out here sending you lots of energy and lots of love!

XXX Lynn XXX :-)

 
Old 05-04-2004, 09:50 PM   #8
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Re: Lynn, Michelle, anyone else who knows about Grandma

Thank you guys. I'm hanging in there. Had a break down at work and cried in my manager's office again. This lady I'm working on a project with is trying to make my life hell and is doing a great job of it. I told my manager that I'm having emotional problems right now and I'm going to see a doc soon to try and help me. He is very nice and understanding. I also told him I would be working from HOME tomorrow. I'm taking all kids to school/daycare and I'm just going to try and focus and get some stuff done that I continue to put off. All of the routine stuff that us ADD people cannot STAND! I hope he doesn't mind me doing it... But I just can't help it. I cannot go into work another day. I just need a break. A quiet, no t.v., no talking to anyone, no nothing, break!

As far as the guy - the fact that he talks about his degrees and business ALL of the time just proves that he's the one that obviously has some issues with his own self esteem. I guess he thought I would be one of those girls that would do anything just to be with someone w/money but what he doesn't understand is... I've never really had a lot of money (I make pretty good now) but I am not motivated by it nor am I materialistic... And guys--- I mean it. I hate to shop. (except for my children, I like to buy them new clothes) but not me. I just hate it... I don't really care if I'm wearing the most stylish clothes (obviously I do enough to get by because I really do end up w/decent guys and stuff like that) but I just don't like it. Anyway, I'm just not your typical girl. So he can kiss my you know what... It's sad to think that there IS another girl out there who will be treated horribly by him. He obviously needs to feel better about himself so he puts other people down. VERY SAD!

K - I've got this depression thing figured out, I think. It's totally hormonal. It always starts about a week and a half before my period and goes until about day 2 of my period. It's so weird but the severity of these episodes are becoming worse and worse, every month. I can't take the pill because it makes me sick (and that's all I need is more weight gain) but the depression is just about debilitating. It's horrible. My poor 8 year old was trying to help me out so badly tonight because he knew how depressed I was/am. I told him 'you know how you get sad sometimes for no reason... well, that's how mommy feels'. I hope I don't tell him too much and make him grow up too fast. With him being gifted, it's hard to realize that he's just a kid because he's so much like a little man sometimes. Tonight is the first time I've EVER admitted 'mom not doing so hot' or admitted 'weakness' to him but he was so sweet and did not seem nervous or disturbed or anything. He was just helping w/the baby and helping me with dinner. Gosh, makes me feel terribly guilty.

I don't want to screw up my kids' lives. You guys don't understand. I cannot do to them what was done to me.

Oh, and regarding my grandmother... the alcohol is gone. She is so sad and actually said 'I know I did wrong by drinking too much but I'm going to be better'. Made me cry my eyes out. They moved her to Geriatrics because she can't go home because that's where the crazy aunt is.... there is a hearing on Monday where the judge will say where/who she will live with. I'll be testifying which means the crazy aunt will be making more threats!

Anyway - gotta go to bed. Mcihelle.. how ARE you? Lynn.... U? Again, thanks to everyone that posted...

 
Old 05-05-2004, 06:42 AM   #9
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Re: Lynn, Michelle, anyone else who knows about Grandma

Banker,

My goodness girlfriend, I'm sorry you're having such a tough time. It's great that you are working at home - I do that myself sometimes when work gets too overwhelming.

You definitely don't need that kind of guy! I'm glad you are recognizing that and being selective. It is so much more important to find your own happiness right now.

It's also important that you are recognizing the PMS part of your depression, this will be helpful for the doctor when trying to decide what meds will work best for you.

I'm also glad to here your Grandma is doing better. Do you have any idea where she will be able to live? Have you heard from "the aunt" since your Grandma has been in the hospital? Has she threatened you in the past?

I'll be thinking of you today and wish you a stress free day!

Hugs
Kathi

 
Old 05-06-2004, 04:05 AM   #10
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Re: Lynn, Michelle, anyone else who knows about Grandma

Hey guys --- I went to my counselor yesterday and she does NOT think it's PMS related because I still have about another week before I start and she reminded me that last week I was just as depressed - crying for NO reason at all. She wants me to call her everyday until I get into my Sub doc next week. She wants him to call her so she can validate what I'm saying about what I'm experiencing. She thinks the break up has thrown me into this depression that I just cannot seem to get out of and she's absolutely right.

In addition, the ADD is playing a big role as well. Because I'm so unorganized and overwhelemd with the mess of my life, she feels that adds to the depression and causes such anxiety and she could not be more right about this. Seriously, things are still really bad. I can't talk to any of my friends because I have no desire to. No desire to at all.

And to top all of this off... I now have a bad tooth --- I'm sure I need a root canal but I don't have the money... So I took a bextra around 4:00 this morning and it actually helped. It's amazing that non narcotic meds really do help pain. I've been eating everything in site and I swear it's related to my tooth hurting. Anyway, thank you for thinking of me.

Kathi - how are you doing? How's the PT?

Lynn - how are you doing? You guys have been quiet these days and I've been a little worried. What's going on? Have you decided to decrease your pills again? Are you feeling badly and/or is your dog o.k.? Any idea yet on the surgery?

K - just thinking of you guys and being oh so thankful for your friendship and caring words. You guys are the only ones right now that I feel like I can open up to. It's just so weird how I withdraw so badly during this depression.

Write me back y'all and let me know how you are...

Oh, and nothing new on my grandmother. She's still in the hospital waiting on the emergency placement hearing on Mon which I believe I will have to testify. I'm sure more stress and anxiety will come with that as well. My crazy aunt is going to go nuts on me...

 
Old 05-06-2004, 05:16 AM   #11
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Re: Lynn, Michelle, anyone else who knows about Grandma

Hi, Banker - I have a feeling you didn't see my post from a couple of days ago on this thread. Don't want you to think I don't think about you!! :-) I do! A lot! It's just gotten really hard to post from work. And my home computer would look perfectly right in Fred Flintstone's cave!!! :-) It takes forever to get it going. Yesterday, I couldn't even get the board to come up.

You are sure having a tough time right now. Your counselor is really wonderful to be monitoring you so carefully....and coordinating her views with your Sub doctor. Not many therapist would get so involved with outside doctors! It is so hard to zero in on just what is causing what. I do know though that sometimes a "shocking" event --an event that shocks your sysem--like a break-up...can affect you chemically and start-up a clinical depression. (That's what happened two years ago when my husband suddenly decided he needed to "get a new life." Within about 4 weeks, my system just seemed to go haywire. And "wham!" I was in the middle of a clinical depression!! PS. My poor ex is still in his "old life"--only without me! LOLOL!)

Anyway, if yours IS a big depression, I guess the next step is for them to test your blood and see how much of the meds you take are actually working in your system. And adjust things from there. (That's how my doctors have always done it.)

Whatever the medical details....I know just how all-encompassing depression can be. You withdraw and retreat from anyone and anything. It's like not being in "reality" because your emotions seems so "dead." You literally do not feel like yourself. You want just to be left alone. When I've had clinical depression, I needed a totally quiet environment...and no anxiety from having to see and speak to people. That was my body's best way to heal and recover. It was like my mind was on a sabbatical and I just needed to be in my own world for a couple of months. But each person tackles their depression in their own way. When I began to feel a little better, I slowly got "back into the world" by doing such solitary things as, cataloging my mt. book collection, sketching my dogs, etc. (By the way, Theo has not yet had his op. He's limping but not in pain. Even when he can scarcely get to his feet, he doesn't think anything is wrong! Just limps over to his ball and starts shaking it in front of me, to get the game going! LOL)

The first thing you and your doctors need to do is to determine how much of your illness is emotional...and how much chemical...so they can decide about your meds. In the meantime....you know that you WILL get better. I am so sure of it. When you are depressed, all your other anxieties come out full force--like your ADD...and feeling that your life is out of control, ektc. All this is part of the depression..and will subside when you are feeling better.

Just please know that I'm here whenever you want to talk with me...and, of course, I am thinking about you every day! Just think....if it weren't for our addictions..we would never have met!!! :-)

You are a good person, a good mother, a good friend....and you will feel good soon!!! Hugs to you! xxx Lynn xxx

 
Old 05-07-2004, 03:54 AM   #12
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Re: Lynn, Michelle, anyone else who knows about Grandma

Thank you! Yesterday was a good day until around 2:00 p.m. and I got into a BAD fight w/my old mentor and manager's manager. It as really bad - started crying terribly and couldn't stop. My direct manager is thinking I'm a looney toon. I've cried now in his office now almost every day for almost two weeks.

It's bad... It's the worst bout I've ever had w/depression. It's crying at the drop of hat. I have to go meet w/my normal doc (I think I have hand, foot and mouth ... mouth is killing me and this is the first time I'm going back to the doc that used to give me all of the pills and that I admitted a was an addict to. I'm a nervous wreck. I was thinking about telling him to give me regular Wellbutrin so I could give it a try prior to my next TWO doc's appts. Mabye it will give me a jump start. Was going to discuss ADD with him as well but I know he's scared to treat me... Scared to death. I don't want hydros for the pain... Just something that will work. Bextra only worked for a few hours yesterday. Anyway... better go get ready. Oh, I also have to go turn over emails and tapes of voice mails from my crazy aunt to my grandmother's guardiant ad Litem (misspelled?). He's going to talk w/the judge about keeping my testimony in his chambers so that my crazy aunt won't hear it. I'm SCARED! Thanks for writing and I'll write more later. Wish me luck.

 
Old 05-07-2004, 05:13 AM   #13
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Re: Lynn, Michelle, anyone else who knows about Grandma

Banker - I'm getting anxious just READING your post! LOL! Really though, you have so much on your plate right now. This depression---does your "normal doc" know about your depressions and emotional problems, ADD, etc? Will he even know what does of Wellbutrin to prescribe? I thought you once told me that you couldn't take Wellbutrin?? I swear by it--it got me out of a clinical depression...and I had no side effects (unless I grew another leg somewhere on my body and haven't noticed it yet....) :-)

My depression was different from yours in that I could not even go out the door I was so panicky. Plus I just got these unbearable waves of despair that kept me ifrom moving at all...I just lay in bed. I was even too ill to CRY!!! I never cried during any of my depressions--I felt too emotionally dead to have anything to even cry about! It was weird. At least you are still feeling real emotions!! You are definitely a step above where I was--which is good news for faster recovery!

Wish I knew what to advise about the Wellbutrin. Did you discuss it with your counselor? I think it's a good drug...but we're all different and react differently.

Turn over e-mails and tapes of voice mails?? Wow! Were you purposely saving them for that? I didn't realize that kind of stuff was admissable--not that I know anything about the law! I think, though, if you aunt scares you, your should definitely ask that the judge to have those documents read [rivately in his chambers.

I hope that all goes well today...let me know what happens...and how you're feeling. And what your doc says. (can't believe you got the hhand, foot and mouth thing! Ugh)
xxx lotsa love, Lynn xxx

 
Old 05-08-2004, 09:33 AM   #14
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Re: Lynn, Michelle, anyone else who knows about Grandma

Don't have time to really "talk" right now, Banker (t-ball game) but will be back later to check on you!
So sorry things are "yucky" for you right now!!

Hang in there and God bless,
Michelle

 
Old 05-08-2004, 10:00 AM   #15
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Re: Lynn, Michelle, anyone else who knows about Grandma

Banker! How are you today?? How was yesterday?? I was going to start a new thread for you....then decided that with all the new posts, you might not find it, if you didn't come on today. I know how tough it is to write when you're feeling depressed, but when you have a minute, please just let us know how things are. (I will hold the cave door open for you while you come out to write a few lines--then I promise to let you seal it back up!....until you feel like coming out of hybernation. :-) Just kidding! Just want you to know we're thinking about you. xxx Lynn xxx

 
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