I wanted to get some input from the board. I detoxed from sub. Took it slow. Was on about six months and two months ago I started to decrease my dose. Well, been clean for a little over a week. Energy low and a little weak, but not too bad. Not nearly as bad as coming off of meth. Now comes the hard part. I keep thinking about using and am quite tempted. I was clean for a long time, almost 15 years. The way I relasped was I was using hydros as a reward. I would use on Friday as a reward for a hard week at work. I had an array of little accomplishments that I rewarded with hydros. I never really had acssess to too many pills so it wasn't a big problem. I found OP's and all of a sudden had a steady supply. After six months of daily using I jumped on sub. That brings me to my current dilemmia, how can I ensure that I stay off. The answer that comes to me is NA. I used to go many years ago. I've been a little reluctant this time. Anyone have similar experiences? It is different than when I was an active user. Drugs are much easier to get now. It truely is more like an alcoholic. It's everywhere. A click of a mouse and they're delivered to your door. My drug of choice years past was heroin. When I disassociated myself with that crowd I really wasn't around the drug. With hydro it's everywhere. I'm at the age that everyone I know had a root canal, a knee operation or something where they have a few hydros in their medicine cabinet. Please share how you stave off these cravings.
Thanks first-for answering my post-im in a similar position-past and present..
We have much in common.
How are you doing?You don't sound too bad-brings me great hope..the issue of using again though is not good...im fearful of exactly the same thing.
What will keep us from NOT using...
Im afraid of the lethagy that you speak of-the opiates provide that clarity and false energy my little synapses need/want.
I think NA/AA is a good start-i do have a bit of a problem w/ the program.If i was to speak its name-people would probably ream me- so ill spare you and those who believe..its very helpful to so many-ive seen its magic in my dearest closest family members-who are clean now.It works.
But-and thats the problem-We have a problem-we like it-we like the feeling it gives us-so now we have to derive pleasure in a differant way..
I started an exercise program-that im hoping is going to give me that energy naturally-and basically-a lifestyle overhaul.
Better/cleaner eating/exercise/some pampering-massage-meditation-you know natural highs..maybe little getaways to the beach-just better living.
Im hoping this will help-but i understand the deeper issue-our chemistry-our past/our damaged brains-Alot of praying!!!
Trying...I wish you alot of peace and good health-you have a chance to recover..that in itself is a blessing.I guess its how we choose to live-what we want from life-what we have in our lives that make us want to keep going-getting stronger/growing and learning.
Hope this helps and please keep me up to date w/ your progress-ill be here for you anytime you need to vent-if you feel like using-post me-ill try to help you any way i can.
Be active and do things you enjoy! That would be the key thing so I have heard. I am currently on the Sub, so I am waiting for the shoe that you are in, I don't have much advice except what I have read. We have to stay active and away from the people that supplied us. I hear they shut down all the OP'S? I would say to that is I am hearing allot of stories about people getting busted for ordering on line etc. Think of all the money you can spend on what you NEED/ENJOY. Go buy you something that you have wanted regardless if you are going to be broke over it and say see I now have something that I couldn't buy if I was using! I am trying to that now! It makes me feel good to be able to buy things as normally I would be buying pills and be to broke to buy anything else! What was the wd's like coming off of Sub? Anything like vicodin wd's? I have only been on for 2 weeks now. OK think positive and you will get there! I have faith in you! Don't order and don't find that friend that has any.
Have a great day
Thanks for your replies. I am very positive. It's funny, I have maintained a strong exercise regime even when I was using. That is how I originally got clean many years ago. I think it helped me not go completly crazy when I relapsed. I know there are horror stories about sub doc's on this board. I was lucky to have a pretty good one. He never once suggested that I lower my dose. He even asked why I wanted to get off sub so quickly. I guess by reading of others experiences, I was lucky. One thing I can say for sure. NA or no NA, it really is one day at a time!
how can I ensure that I stay off. The answer that comes to me is NA. I used to go many years ago. I've been a little reluctant this time. Anyone have similar experiences?
I can so totally relate to your story. I too was recently on suboxone and it had helped me enormously. But, as you said, things are so easily available, and I got curious about an E-mail about valium. I had not taken a valium in 20 years. It was such a big mistake and I'm not 100% sure why I did that because I only really like opiates, but my abuse of it landed me right in the hospital for a 3-day detox, and then into day treatment which is around the whole NA fellowship.
I have diligently beein going there every day; I'm still weak, but force to get up in the AM and go there w/o any breaks. It has been exhausting. I personally go because the people are great, I've met some very nice people, and I'm trying to do what I'm told to do, which is hard for me; hard for any addict!
Yet I don't really believe or want to participate in doing the steps, etc. ie. I'm supposed to do the first step on Tuesday which is a presentation of my life story. I don't want to do it; it makes me feel uncomfortable because it's so formal and well as I said I'm too exhausted to work on it too. But the head nurse there who is really extraordinary is very "strict" about it....so I may have to.
I've had such caring people come up to me in the past week and just talk to me and I believe it's a positive thing. I just still don't want to work the "steps", etc. So far I've been clean, but I'm still crawling out of my skin and my emotions are close to the surface and so there are lots of tears, etc.
So, yes, I think it would be a good thing for anyone to at least try. I have a problem opening up and drawing attention to myself; and resented that the day I was to talk about my life conflicted with another appointment and being reprimanded. Right now, I don't have a life outside of this fellowship.
I do believe you can't do it alone (altho some people can); I have for periods of time in my life, but when you are surrounded by people who know exactly what you are going through and don't judge you for this 'disease' which is their premise; it does help alot.
Never went to meetings before, and yesterday, I went to one where the speaker touched me somewhere inside. A man in his 70's, and today i saw him inpatient and we talked for a long time. What he went through. I wish for me though that I can commit to it, but I am still having difficulty. I'm taking from it what I can.
There is a possibility I might be put on suboxone again for a little while. But that's another story.
Please write again. I know what you're going through right now.
Trying - I'm just impressed that you've made it a week w/no Sub. You should be extremely proud of yourself. I can't imagine... I know it's been difficult and I'm sure things would be so much easier if you just took a little bit but you are doing it. YOU are getting clean and I think that is awesome!
I can say that time will make this better. My sister is an alcoholic - she has gone about the last four months without drinking - lost about 40 lbs... doing amazingly well. She has not gone to AA, which I've begged her to do but she takes xanax so she won't go. However, she has told me that the cravings are SO much better... Even at her 90 day mark she told me that 'she really just doesn't think of drinking' like she used to.
Just like you said - just take one day and get through it without ordering online or checking out your friends' medicine cabinet. Just one day at a time - even an hour at a time. If you really start to freak - go to the gym... get angry at the drugs and work out like you've never worked out. You will STILL get those endorphins that will feel like a high. This should (and I do repeat SHOULD) help you get through that moment when you just can't take it. If you still crave after that, find something else to do that will make you feel good about yourself... If you are married - well, have some time alone w/your wife.
Unfortunately, I do believe that addicts have to find another addiction to replace the one for drugs. The trick is (and I believe you have found it and know it) is to make the new habit a healthy habit... just like working out. Do you go to church? Does your family?
I do believe that AA is the new addiction for most people. I've heard so many stories of how it has worked, and I mean a life changing event - WORKED!
Now, can you help me? (not that i've helped you... just wondering if you could)... I've recently become extremely tired of being on Sub. I'm tired of the side effects... tired of the weight gain, tired of the being tired from it... tired of a lot of things. I'm on a high dose - about 12 - 16 mgs. I'm ready to start taking it down... ALOT! You see, I'm the worst addict... the one that has no self control. NONE! The one that has no self control in anything I do. I mean, that includes work, keeping the house clean, just normal stuff... I find it very hard to stick to a normal routine where I'm doing good things on a regular basis. I started working out - lasted about a month. I haven't worked out in a month. Started dieting and then started binging on the diet bars... (pretty funny isn't it?). I have such good intentions... I just cannot ever be self disceplined (msp?) enough to do anything good!
I've gone through a terrible depression... on some new meds and we will see. My doctor says if we get the depression under control, then he would consider trying me on an ADD med. I pray he will. Of course I want the stimulants like adderal but me being an addict, not sure he will do it. I told him I would come by and pick up the prescription on a weekly basis... just not sure. I want this med because I know it will help me w/my ADD as well as weight loss. There are other non stimulant meds... I SHOULD be trying those. See, it's just me trying to take the easy way out - just like I've done w/Sub. A pill will fix anything, right?