What would you do if you were me??
I am a 42 year old male who has numerous problems. I have several chronic health problems, diabetes, HBP, Fibromyalgia, chronic diverticulitus and worst of all depression. My meds include oral diabetic med, Effexor, High blood pressure med, Ritalinxr 20mg 3x day, Klonipin and Zyprexa for nighttime sleep.
Ritalin helps depression for only a short period of time but does give me a little energy. I have been treatment resistant on antidepressents and have tried them all.
However, Here comes the real story. About 5 years ago I was prescribed Ultram for Fibro pain and had a endless supply of them. Of course you all know I started abusing them. They quit working "euphoric feeling" about a year ago. I then started using Tylox, Loratab, Darvocet and anything they would give me. As you all know, you don't get a endless supply of those. I only get a few at a time and they last a short time because I abuse them.
When I have my painkillers I seem to loose my depression, however when I run out I almost greive them. They are like a mistress to me. I am destroying my life and my family.
I have gone as long as a couple of months without painkillers and am so depressed that I hardly function. I don't know if the painkillers are causing my depression or I use them to help my depression.
Right now I am extremely depressed and have run out of ideas on what I should do. I have thought about rehab but I am so scared that being clean will only make my depression worse.
I feel hopeless and helpless. My life is terrible. I don't know which came first the depression or the addiction. What would you do?? The sad part of this is I really am in constant pain from the fibro. However, i would take the pain over the depression anyday.
all help is appreciated,