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Old 05-12-2004, 10:23 AM   #1
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Join Date: Nov 2003
Location: california
Posts: 121
jenny1973 HB User
30 Days clean TODAY!

Hi everyone.
Just wanted to say that I have thirty days today and I feel great. The road has been a rough one thats for sure, but I am here and am feeling so much better about my future without pills. Just wanna thank everyone here who has helped me get to this point. Many of you in your own ways really lit a fire under my butt and got me motivated to get to detox. Thank you! This can be done if you just stick to your plan and endure the physical and psych pain. It does get better and there is nothing better then being free of this addiction. My hope is that all of you find the stregnth and courage to conquer this disease. Unfortunately you just have to say enough is enough and make a plan and stick to it. For me that was telling my doctor and admitting myself into rehab. The morning I went in I just dumped every single pill down the sink (the fish probably had a great day). If I wouldn't have gotton that stuff out of my house I would have relapsed for sure. I remember when i came hme I rumaged thru every single drawer trying to find just one pill. Luckily i found nothing cause I would have taken it. You just can't trust yourself with this addiction...my opinion! Anyway..thank you all again for everything and I can only hope that I can help others now as they have helped me!!
Jenny

 
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Old 05-12-2004, 02:19 PM   #2
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Join Date: Apr 2004
Posts: 25
SimplyStupid HB User
Re: 30 Days clean TODAY!

Wow! Thats great. If you don't mind me asking how long were you addicted and how many were you taking when you decided to stop? The wd's are awful and I do mean horrible for me but what always leads me back is the fact that I don't feel like doing ANYthing....I mean, the energy or I should say "Lack of" kills me. If I could get past that feeling or know how to get past that I know this would be easier for me. I don't want to do the Sub thing. I just want off of this roller coaster. I only get my hands on about 60 a MONTH now, so, I've got to do it but I get thru 5 or 6 days and I cave because my hous looks terrible, I look terrible, the whole world looks terrible to me and I got back to them. But, all of my ways of getting them are almost over with....I only have 1 doc that hasnt cut me off and I guess when somebody tells him its over. But I so wish with all my heart I could figure out how to stop. Maybe I should go to a NA meeting...maybe being around people that were once just like me would help me, I dont know.

 
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Old 05-12-2004, 02:27 PM   #3
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Join Date: May 2004
Location: the South
Posts: 667
windysan HB User
Re: 30 Days clean TODAY!

Jenny,

That is a HUGE accomplishment !!! 30 days is the toughest 30 you'll ever do. Stay on top of things (go to meetings if you are into that) and never go back to using. I made an anniversary recently and I felt good about it. Go get that chip !! It gets easier everyday.

W

 
Old 05-12-2004, 02:54 PM   #4
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Join Date: Dec 2003
Location: California
Posts: 516
rosietee HB User
Re: 30 Days clean TODAY!

First of all, Jenny, I am sooooo proud of you!! I hope you have a meeting to go to for a 30 day chip. Yes!

rosie

 
Old 05-12-2004, 04:42 PM   #5
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Join Date: Nov 2003
Location: california
Posts: 121
jenny1973 HB User
Re: 30 Days clean TODAY!

Simplystupid..
I used painkillers for a couple years, however for the first year I took a very low dose because I was pregnant. I was actually prescribed vicodin after my first trimester for headaches. I only took about 1-2 a day. Thank god my baby is fine. My little girl was born last 4th of July and thats when it got bad. I had an emergency c-section and got all kind of drugs. Spent 4 days in the hospital on a complete high. Came home with lots of vicodin and what do you know..i had no problems keeping the house clean, getting my other two kids to school and sports..making dinner and doing all this on about 4 hours of sleep a night. So for the next nine months I got pills anyway I could. Went to the ER a couple time, had 2 cosmetic surgery procedures done, complained to every doc I could about my back pain and headaches, complained to the dentist about tooth aches, had a tooth pulled ect. I could go on. When all else failed I started buying online. I took anything I could from percoset to ultram. I would have never been able to taper and do this on my own at home. I didn't have the will power. Luckily my husband took two weeks off to help me and I went to detox. Hated every minute of it, but I am glad now because they makes me even more motivated to keep off these drugs. I was in detox for a week and that was bad, but the worst was the next week once I got home. At least in rehab I had some valium and muscle relaxers. When i came home I felt horrible..had no energy, couldn't sleep a wink and my body ached. Not to mention the psycholgical problems. You know it was hard, but if it was easy then we would be addicts. The only think i can say is that you have to do whatever works for you, but you have to stick with the plan. I found myself a few times wanting a pill so bad, but before I went into rehab I made it impossible. I got rid of everythin..i even told my friends if you have pills in the house hide them if I am coming over cause I will steal them. I made my husband put a password on the computer and I told my doctors of my addiction so they wouldn't give me anything if I begged them. You just have to be ready and cover all your bases. You know what you are capable of and how you get your meds well make that impossible. It is scary and you will definitely think that you will feel like crap for the rest of your life, but you won't!! You will feel better, but you have to give your body time to heal and unfortunatly we don't know how long it will take. Forme it was about 3 weeks before I was feeling somewhat like myself again. There are still bad days, but they are far a few between now. Everyday will be a challenge thru the nastyperiod of w/d's but you can do it. For me the sunshine was my saving grace. I would have been screwed if I did this during the winter. I also loaded myself up on vitamins and went every morning to the juice shop to get my smoothy and wheatgrass shot. I made myself get up everymorning and jump in the shower and then I dropped my two kids at school and took the baby somewhere. I didn't know where I was going, but i made sure I stayed busy no matter how hard. Forget the house. I am still trying to clean up that mess. I will probably never be as on top of things as I was while using. If i had that kind of natural energy then I probably wouldn't have started using in the first place. Thats o.k. We arn't perfect. You have to let that part go cause your sobriety is much more important. Anyway..sorry for rambling on. Also if I didn't mention i took anywhere from 8-10 pills a dayduring the last 9 months I was using. Its crazy but you said you always caved around the 6-7 day and it was the 7th day when I came home and rumaged thru every drawer knowing I wouldn't find anything, but if I would have had something you bet I would have caved too! Just cover all your bases and get it done. You will be so much happier!! My thoughts are with you!

Rosie..
Hey my detox partner...how are you doing??? Arn't you at 30 days too or even over?? Congrats to you too!
Jenny

 
Old 05-12-2004, 04:50 PM   #6
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Join Date: Dec 2003
Location: California
Posts: 516
rosietee HB User
Re: 30 Days clean TODAY!

Hi, Jenny, check out my post below for my status. It also explains how we easily became addicted even if we weren't genetically predisposed to it. Again I am so proud of you. Technically, my sponsor might say I am eligible for a chip, but I'm not sure yet.

luv,
rosie

 
Old 05-13-2004, 05:49 AM   #7
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Join Date: Apr 2004
Location: massachusetts
Posts: 867
no patience HB User
Re: 30 Days clean TODAY!

congrats on 30 days you must be so proud of yourself keep up the awesome work kelleigh

 
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