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Old 05-12-2004, 01:53 PM   #1
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Rosie's update (long and rambling)

Hello, everyone!

You may have noticed I have been quiet lately for several reasons--one of which is that, while I have not taken any hydrocodone since April 12, I have been nibbling tiny pieces off of my Klonopin. So I don't feel that I am really "clean" and don't want to discourage anyone. In detox, they c/t'd me off of the klonopin and ambien, too, using phenobarb and the suboxone until the end, so my worst night at the hospital was my last night! Then I finally read the Ashton manual and my symptoms made sense and I also was afraid that I could be aggravating and prolonging the problem because of the c/t off of the benzo. I swear I am not rationalizing. When they were only giving me one immodium at a time at the hospital, I was on the toilet saying hail mary's and doing breathing exercises they teach you for labor and delivery. I seriously thought they would have to wheel me over to the ER. They gave me Bentyl when I was in the initial "detox" phase, but stopped after I went into my "rehab" (only for one day, because insurance denied coverage for that). When I got to go home and take as much immodium as I wanted, I felt better. I had other symptoms too, which the counselours had to guess were "really nasty benzo w/d". I mean, besides the terrible bowel problems, I felt dizzy and almost like I would have little lapses of consciousness and then "come too" and have to guess where I was in the conversation and look around and see if everyone in the room was there. A little bit like maybe dissociative anxiety? But also muscle twitches all over my body. At the beginning they had given me muscle relaxants, too. The only reason I stayed that extra day (for which we may have to pay $$$) was because I felt so shaky and crappy.

Then I lost my Klonopin for 5 days (they were in a bright pink bottle and, thankfully, child-proof pepto bismol capsule container, which the kids extricated from my purse and left in a weird location). In the meantime, I got really bad (sorry guys) cramps, and had been told that your late AF (45 days!) after detox will be the worse you ever had (they were right) and got ferocious sinusitis, which I have finally knocked out w/ a strong antibiotic and will be getting a CAT scan and surgery to clear out the problems I have in my sinuses (chronic sinusitis predates my pill use). anyways, I took some darvocet and then T4's which seemed to help. Today I have taken nothing. But if I develop my really bad problems again later I will take an even tinier piece of a Klonopin. There will be no access to more, as the doctor who prescribed them told me to throw them away. I probably have maybe 10 left, if that? There was no way this doc was going to put me through a valium taper. Truly, I have learned to bite off the most miniscule pieces.

I was off the boards for a few days--it's also harder to get on for a few other reasons. I go to NA every day (well except today and yesterday, for reasons beyond my control) and also have been diagnosed w/ ADD and polycystic ovarian syndrome, so have been spending alot of time reasearching and reading the boards on those and the corresponding meds. Good grief it nearly took me all day yesterday to catch up on my reading on this board. But I think about all of you often. I just have this guilt thing. I left a message for my sponsor about the darvocet, but am afraid to tell her about the benzos, because I know she will tell me to throw them away, and I don't want to do that until I feel better. And I am feeling way better than I did, though I only took a sliver of klonopin last night. I just feel like people do not understand about the benzos. I was just so extremely ill for such a long time, that I was afraid of going into protracted w/d, where I would feel that way for even longer because of the c/t. I try to skip days, too. I am completely done w/ the ambien, although I love the stuff.

Well, hubby is for all intents and purposes gone until Sunday night. He has business up in Northern Cal at his alma mater today and then tomorrow through Sunday he will be at a horseback ride. He knows now that this is the worst time for me and my drug problem, so my dad and his wife are coming out sometime tomorrow from back East for a week to visit and help w/ the kids. I really like my dad (actually he is my step dad, but I am estranged from my biological dad since '95 for some unknown reason) and his wife is wonderful. She had 5 kids and is one of the few people I trust w/ my "babies." So if they get in late tomorrow, I will get to a meeting anyway, because my Thursday and Friday meetings have babysitting in the room next door and everyone donates money for the babysitter so that no one is excluded from going.

I just want to add that even given my complaints about the lack of benzo expertise in the American medical profession, I am sure that my detox (and my continuing to go to NA) saved my life. I just physically or even mentally could not get off of that amount of hydros otherwise. The hospital was really really nice. Lots of great food, menus to choose what you want. Breakfast, morning meditation, lectures (learned so so much) and time to sit on the sunny patio (and if you had graduated to rehab you could go on a walk outside the unit) then lunch, a group meeting, then, depending on the day, yoga, meditation and even acupuncture. We were kept busy until 9:30 at night. Lots of outside AA and pills anonymous and cocaine anonmous meetings are held there, so we would go to those in the evening. (A couple of them are called "Gucci meetings") My kids were able to come every evening at dinner time that dh or the kids' godparents could take them. One of my favorite experiences, believe it or not, was my last day there when 3 friends and I went for a walk outside and found a great spot with a view of the ocean (the hospital is right across from the ocean) and I told them things I had never told another soul in my life. I've been bad about keeping in touch, but have talked to one guy from detox a few times. I want to try to get up to meetings up there once a week so that I can see everyone. I became very close to the others going through detox with me--they were wonderful people. And what an education! One of our speakers was even a movie star!

I have figured out why so many of us moms w/ multiple kids have this problem. In a lecture I learned that even if you are not born with the addiction gene that makes you susceptible to addiction, your receptors will become the same as an addict if you are deprived of food, sleep and exercise. Hello! Like any new mother, especially if you already have one and the baby is colicky (like mine and others here)! They send us home from the hospital w/ a bottle of vicodin and having just come off morphine (if you had a c-section) or percocets like I had for my cramping. We find out that wow, we feel better when we take the pill! Then we keep taking them and find ways to get more and . . . you know how it goes from there. But it takes 90 days for your receptors to really start healing so that you can feel normal without the drug (some sooner or later), which is why AA and NA say that after detox you need "90 meetings in 90 days." Someone here had explained the receptor thing before, I think, but I never really understood it until I saw the diagrams and the CAT scans, in a lecture by the guy who runs the treatment center. It appears that brain function eventually returns to normal except with Ecstacy use. But it takes time. So by me taking the meds, I have probably just set myself further back. Anyway, it explains why we need to stay away from alcohol, too, even though I really could drink half a beer and then I am full. Also, drinking/drug use before the age of 17 and, even more significantly, before the age of 14, can change the makeup of your receptors as well, perhaps permanently, so that you may be prone to addiction even if you were not born w/ the gene.

I have learned that mentally, there is no way I can stay off without NA and that is absolutely the truth.

There is a refill owing to me from one of my OP's that I am not going to get! They actually called me the other day and asked if I wanted it. I took their number. But I won't get it and have lost the number, anyway. One of the best deterrents is that I had a hidden stash of over $100 worth of really good pills and when I hit my point of surrender in detox, I called dh and told him about it and to throw them away. They were hidden in a really good spot, too--he never ever would have found them (in the bottom of a wardrobe bag holding a pregnancy gown that I wore to a couple of fancy occasions). So that whole act would have been for naught if I just spend that kind of money on more.

BTW, found out yesterday that I passed one of my 2 kidney stones, so that could account for some of the cramping I had. I had to go out and buy a heating pad and everything.

I am so afraid of my husband finding out that I am not really 30 days. But someone told me that you can even make up your clean date as some date past the date you really got clean. So maybe I'll say I am doing that and then when I am more honest, as you have to be in your life to stay sober, and he sees that I am truly better, I could tell him then. Oh well.

I really have to pray every day and have started meditating more too. Working the steps is really important. And it is really just a way of connecting to your spirituality, whatever it is, and being a good person. We will die if we do not stop using or end up in a jail or institution. Also, as one wise lady told me, our kids do not want "supermoms", they just want their mom.

I love you guys so much. I would not have come this far without you. If you have read this far, let me know if you have any questions!

Luv,
rosie

 
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Old 05-12-2004, 04:16 PM   #2
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Re: Rosie's update (long and rambling)

Rosie..
Wow girl you have alot going on. I am sorry that things are not going as well as you would like, but the fact of the matter is that this is the hardest thing you will ever have to do in your life. It is definitely not a cake walk for me and luckily i just didn't leave a reminant of a pill left in my house or I would have taken it in a second. You have still come a long way. Where you are now versus 1 month ago is already a huge accopmlishment. You obviously recognize your downfalls and now you have to work on those. However, I have to stress that you have to be honest especially with your husband and your sponsor. They will only help you. Right now you need all the support you can get. You are doing so many things right at this point so don't give up or be ashamed of yourself. I don't even go to meetings or know half as much as you do about this disease. On top of all of that you are also dealing with some real pain issues and I know I will face that one day too. If in a month i have my wisdom teeth pulled and need painkillers i am not gonna start from day one all over again. I will just hold myself accountable and make sure my husband has total control of my intake. Have you tried maybe taking an anti-depressant. Don't know if you need it, but it did help me for awhile. I stopped taking them about 1 week ago, but I really think they helped me. You have me really scared about this menstrual cycle thing. I was due a couple days ago, but nothing. You know its funny how you mentioned the addicts who are moms with multiple kids cause you are so right. It was after my c-section with my 10 month old that things got really bad. I literally took these pills for the energy and that is it. I am not trying to harbor any feelings..I have had a great life and have been very fortunate. I just needed the darn energy to do everything that I felt needed to get done. Well you know what we can't do it all. That is just how it goes and if my house is in shambles then owell. My kids are getting old enough they can start cleaning. I have really limited myself right now because I don't want the stress at all right now. I am scared of it. So I am slowly getting back on track, but I will never accomplish everything I did while taking pills and thats ok. Do you mind if I ask where you live?? I live in Sothern california and it just sounds like you do too. However I went out East to redlands for my detox. I wish i could have been on the beach. I can't complain cause I got to do all the acupuncture and meditation, Tai Chi stuff too. It was great and really taught me other methods of handling my discomfort. Well I will quit rambling, but I am thinking of you. Don't be hard on yourself. You have really come along way and you will get past this. Keep up your meetings and stay on this board. You are doing great!!
Jenny

 
Old 05-12-2004, 06:03 PM   #3
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Re: Rosie's update (long and rambling)

Rosie...am only online briefly, tonite, but let me just say THANKS!!!!! for sharing such an incredible story. Your experience and information will be SO important to so many of us. You are a gem! HUGS.....more soonest...........
Alice

 
Old 05-12-2004, 06:53 PM   #4
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Re: Rosie's update (long and rambling)

Rosie - you have been on my mind so much lately. I am glad that you have posted to us. I know I have missed you terribly and have been wondering how things have been going. Even though you haven't been 100% perfect, you are still doing an amazing job. Just continue hitting those meetings and I would recommend that you go ahead and be honest w/your husband. You know they say that if you aren't honest, the guilt can be overwhelming and then you end up using again. Honestly all the way - as much as you can.

I know that's easy for me to say but please try. Accountability, not only to yourself, but your husband and your AA folks plays a big role in staying clean. At least, that's my opinion. AND - when you are so successful at staying clean, the rewards can be endless. Knowing that YOU have been honest to yourself and honest to everyone else and are still staying clean would feel amazing!

Are you telling me that even while on Suboxone, you had really bad 'stomach' problems while in detox? Because Sub makes it where I absolutely cannot go to the bathroom. I'm starting to become obsessed about it because it makes me feel badly, bloated and most importantly, FAT.

Also, please tell me about the strattera? Also, are you on an antidepressant? I believe if I can get stabilized on Welbutrin, then my doc is going to try strattera. He said he would after a month of being stabilized. Right now, I'm taking 100 mgs and I'm in the process of increasing to 300 mgs per day. It makes me feel pretty good. Like today, I didn't even realize that I had not taken my xanax or Sub. Anyway, I'm glad you are going to those meetings. They are the key, as you know... And I really do appreciate you telling me the info about detox and the receptors. I guess this means that when I get off of Suboxone, It will take at minimum 90 days until I can get somewhat normal again... but again, I'm not ready. I don't trust myself. So congrats on doing so well... if you fall, pick yourself back up and be honest with everyone around you. You cannot carry guilt because it will not do you any good. I agree w/you on the Klonopin, maybe you are on of 'the ones' where you can't take such a fast cold turkey. There is nothing wrong w/tapering, Rosie. As long as you are not taking it for an escape or to abuse... then I might speak to your doc about the cold turkey and bring some of the examples out of the Ashton manual and how some people can have bad reactions to not tapering slower. It's just a thought.

K - thank you again, my fellow ADDer and I'm proud of you for doing this. You are doing great and just get through today. Just today and in my opinion, don't worry if you have to nibble on a klonopin to avoid withdrawals. That's just how I feel and everyone knows I WILL tell how I feel. It's a physical withdrawal that you can avoid if you taper appropriately. Just be sure you do it under a doctor's care. Again, take that Ashton stuff to back you up so they will know you are not taking it for fun...

Love you bunches, Rosie,

Banker!

 
Old 05-12-2004, 08:25 PM   #5
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Re: Rosie's update (long and rambling)

Hi guys, thanks so much for your support. I'm alone with the girls tonight, so I must be brief.

Banker, I've been thinking alot about you and your grandmother (still trying to catch up on all my reading.) No stomach problems on the suboxone until after my dose was cut to 1mg. 3 days after my highest dose, it hit. Also, I used to do wonderfully on a combo of Wellbutrin and Prozac. Didn't know it at the time, as we were just treating depression, but the Wellbutrin was probably treating my ADD as well. Of course, I can't take it now, as I have had a seizure (in 1998). I really did well on the stuff, on high doses. Strattera seems to have an antidepressant effect as well. The side effects go away pretty quickly, fyi, but you might want to check the ADD board as they have alot to say about the stuff. I can give you more info, too. Maybe the Wellbutrin will be enough? Oh, also, BTW, a friend at detox was doing the sub route as well and had the same nasty w/d after his dose was cut. Thing is the guys don't tell the doctors or nurses about the symptoms because they want to "be a man." And they just figure the women are hysterical. I talked with the Medical Director about these issues, as well as anecdotal reports I have received online. When I previously quit a new med and had w/d (not as bad as benzo or opiate, though), my md said, no, there are no w/d from this. Well people on the net had the exact same symptoms as me, and now it is common medical knowledge. (that was either effexor or paxil--can't remember which--years ago). I told him he should look at sites like this one. The nurses there just did not listen adequately listen to the patients to develop a knowledge of w/d symptoms, and just kept telling me, no it can't be w/d, those are over--it is just your IBS because you are nervous. I was actually prepared for late onset w/d symptoms from what everyone told me, but despite the discomfort was eager to be off w/i a week, due to advice from here. I do know a woman in one of my groups who is taking 24 mg per day of the sub (she took massive amounts of oxycontin) and is still shaking--she has absolutely no plans of coming off anytime soon. But she is alive! Also met a guy in NA whose sponsor told him his clean date started from when he started his outpatient sub, just so you know. Even for me, my clean date would have been 24 hours after my last vicodin, because I was taking the drugs they gave me as prescribed by a doctor.

Jenny, thanx for the hope. Yes, I am already on antidepressants and also treating what may be underlying causes for my depression and even my using (i.e., ADD and polycystic ovarian syndrome). Well, not to mention getting adequate food, rest, exercise. That will be essential to my recovery. BTW, I went to Hoag in NB. I'm actually in south OC, so probably not that far from you (SD, right?) I go to several meetings in San Clemente.

Alice, thanx for your support. Love you so much.

I know that current shrink would not do a valium or any other taper, as he said 1 mg of Klonopin was nothing, that I could go c/t even though I have had a seizure. Well I feel like crap. Dizzy, nauseous, etc., can't eat a thing. I take a chip of the K and it helps tremendously. I do know I must take less and less and try to skip days. When I lost the K, I must admit I partly took the darvocet to ward off the w/d (helped maybe a little, not too much), though I found out yesterday that I was probably passing a kidney stone at the time (used to have 2, but ultrasound yesterday only showed one!). The thing is, I wasn't honest with my sponsor or dh, who should have been in possession of all my meds, doling them out to me as prescribed. The way I did it is just not in line with the program. They certainly don't advocate going through intense pain after surgery or an accident without help, just in a controlled manner, and hopefully w/o your DOC. This shrink I am going to would not be open to my lesson from the Ashton manual. I am going to start therapy (I hope, still need to call) with a guy who is a recovering addict too. In fact, the medical director of my program is recovering as well.

Oh well, so much for brief. The King and I seems to be entertaining the kids for the time being.

They are calling to me now! Love you guys soooo much,
rosie

 
Old 05-12-2004, 09:08 PM   #6
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Re: Rosie's update (long and rambling)

Thank you Rosie - please take care of yourself and stay in touch, no matter what. I cannot believe the guy said that about being clean on Sub?? That actually makes me feel pretty good!!! It has helped, no doubt about it. K - funny you should say that about the Welbutrin... today is about day 5 for me being on it and I actually started getting work done today at work. It was the weirdest thing. Things I've put off forever I actually did today - AND I'm sick, strep throat and I still did those awful, dreadful, meaningless tasks that we all hate. I even made a comment about how productive I was today - despite the fact that I am sick. Weird... Thanks again, Rosie!

 
Old 05-12-2004, 09:33 PM   #7
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Re: Rosie's update (long and rambling)

Hey, Banker, no problem--I have missed talking to you to so much. My sponsor said too that I was clean even though I was taking the phenobarb and the sub, as it was under a doctor. But it probably varies as to how diehard the person is. Thing is my sponsor does not believe in taking narcotics for headaches. She has migraines nearly every day and is on every experimental drug they come up with. Her view is that we have used our fair share of pills and are no longer privileged to do so. However, she also believes if I have my surgery or if someone is in an accident, you have someone dole out your darvocet and it does not cut into your clean time. There is another group I went to (it's kind of new and started out here in So Cal) called Pills Anonymous, though and they are very diehard. Anyone that might discourage antidepressant use, I stay away from, though, and I think you know my story on that one. It saves lives, and could have saved my late husband.

Anyway! As to the klonopin, the detox doctor wasn't in favor of going back on to taper because it would stimulate my pleasure centers and have "potato chip effect", i.e., causing cravings for more and cause me to relapse. The days I don't take my pittance of klonopin I take a small amount of the antiseizure med he prescribed. Can't abruptly go way up and down on that stuff, though, either, because that could trigger a seizure in and of itself.

I am also being very bad in that my shrink treating my ADD does not know about my addiction. But I so so want to get better and change my life! And I think I told you about the first guy (with whom I was totally honest) I went to who basically hustled me out of his office and sent a letter confirming that I was not his patient.

Anyway! If your doctor knows about your addiction problems, he may not let you try anything beyond the Straterra and the Wellbutrin. I am learning alot about the disorder, so let me know if I can answer any questions.

Love,
rosie

 
Old 05-13-2004, 05:01 AM   #8
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Re: Rosie's update (long and rambling)

You can answer why we get it and what is the difference between being 'lazy' and being ADD? I know I have it... My worst problem (other than keeping house clean and being on top of the ongoing, boring tasks) is talking to someone that I have a lot to tell something to. In other words.. I'll be talking to a friend and have 5 different conversations going but never finish any of them. I or THEM have to say 'o.k... back to the first story, we never finished that one'... It's like I just get overwhelmed in my mind when I'm tring to communicate, not to mention just having a normal thought process. My mind is constantly going 90 miles an hour. What is it that Strettara (or other meds) does to assist in getting us back on track?

I'm driving myself crazy with constantly being unorganzied, forgetting special events (even childrens' special school events)... things like that. I am relying on my oldest child to help us get out of the door in the a.m. becuase I get so distracted I find 10 things to do to avoid leaving on time. I have just told him that I have a difficult time being 'on time' and that if he could just get the baby and head to the car... this would force me to leave the house. I should NOT have to have my child do this but it's the only thing that will allow me to get them to school on time, forget about me getting to work on time. It's pretty bad but I will start posting/reading on the ADD board.

Again, you are doing great - keep up the amazing work and hit those meetings. I know they have been a life saver for you and will for me when I get off of Sub. There will be no other option for me to try and stay clean other than meetings.

Have a great and organized day!

 
Old 05-13-2004, 07:57 AM   #9
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Re: Rosie's update (long and rambling)

Rosie!!

I am awarding you a Ph.D. in 'Understanding Your Body'!!! First of all, you have so many tough medical conditions to deal with...and not only have you thoroughly educated yourself about them...but you can REMEMBER all the details of ech one. No way would I be able to keep them straight in my head like you do!! I would be so confused and overwhelmed just keeping on top of so many conditions and medications, that I would probably start mixing up the medication with the wrong illness!! Like.....accidentally testing the antidepressants as suppositories!! LOL!

You are brave and wonderful. A real fighter! And so is Banker! The two of you have worked so hard towards your goals..AND with the weighty anchor of ADD dragging you down. So....whenever either of you talks about any "mistakes" you may have made along the way...all I can say is that they just make you both so much more "human" and real to me!!!

xxx with lotsa, lotsa love, Lynn xxx

 
Old 05-13-2004, 09:07 AM   #10
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Re: Rosie's update (long and rambling)

Rosie..
Hoag is a great hospital..I went to Loma Linda. Didn't really have much of a choice, but that too is a great hospital. Just a rough crowd for a tiny little stay at home softball mom. I guess I am glad I had a horrible experience cause if I would have liked it I probably would have beenmore tempted to relapse. What keeps me going is that fact that i never wanna go back there. I had horrible roomates and almost got my butt kicked in group by this enormous lady. Anyway..I am thinking of you. I live in Temecula so not too far from you. I really think that I felt so lousy after detox for a good two weeks because of all the valium and muscle relaxers they gave me. I made them taper me fast and even refused meds at times cause I wanted out so bad. On my 5th day after another altercation with my roomate who did the deed on my bathroom sink with her boyfriend i was ready to leave AMA. Thank goodness they let me change rooms or I wouldn't have stayed. You are doing a great job Rosie and I can feel how bad you want your sobriety and that is the most important. Keep it up!!
Jenny

 
Old 05-13-2004, 09:22 AM   #11
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Re: Rosie's update (long and rambling)

Jenny, you poor thing, you would have fit right in at Hoag. I know Temecula! My fil lives in Lake Elsinore and when we moved back down here from our stint in Northern California we actually lived with him for several months. My husband has a sister and a brother in Riverside County, too. I would have thought Loma Linda would have been a little more upper crust? It has such a wonderful reputation. I don't know--I guess there is a little rougher crowd out that way? Thank you so much for the encouragement and not jumping on me for my relapse, though I know I deserve it. Who knows, my Monday night lawyer meeting thought it might not even be considered a relapse, as far as the darvocets go, because I did take them as directed. However, my doctor did tell me to throw the K's away, so I guess that would be one? Still haven't talked face to face to my sponsor about it.

Banker, I do not fully understand all the biomechanics behind ADD and I think alot of it is trial and error, just like with my hormonal condition. I have seen Jennita (hi, Jennita) pop her head on that board a few times to decry the overuse of stimulants to treat it. I don't disagree with that at all. I am sure I was ADD as a child, but I managed to get by. Maybe glad I did it w/o drugs, although it might be why I turned to other drugs later. But at 40 years old there is alot more to accomplish and it is hard for a family to understand that you really do care, you are just incapable of doing all they wish you could. But I'm working on it!

Also, Banker, BTW, I know several people at meetings who are on suboxone. And though I did things a little backwards than many (starting NA before I was clean or went to detox) I feel very fortunate that I already had that support system and schedule in place before I left the hospital. It is a lot easier to stay clean while you are in there. So I would recommend going as soon as you can. You know my first experience was awful, but I really love my meetings now.

Hubby is packing now, with kids running amuk. He got in at 1:30 a.m. and was supposed to leave at 5, but thank goodness, it's been switched to 10 a.m. I plan to take the kids w/ me to NA tonight and then my dad and his wife will be at their hotel (my dad can't stay the night here because he's allergic to cats and I have one) and if all are up to it we will do a visit then and then have them come up tomorrow.

I love you guys!!! Talk to you later!

luv,
rosie

 
Old 05-13-2004, 10:02 AM   #12
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Re: Rosie's update (long and rambling)

Lynn - I swear... being sick and all I screamed laughing about the mixing of the meds. I feel that way too sometimes. Seriously, today I've taken Suboxone, Xanax, Welbutrin, Z-pack (antibiotic), Zelnorm (IBS w/constipation), a strong B vitamin, Advil, Tylenol...Oh, and 1,000 mgs of vitamin C. That's horrible! OMG - if you actually write down your meds... that sucks! 9 different types of meds today. Now, if I wasn't sick... how many would I have taken? Scratch out the vitamin c (possibly - I take a lot 'cause I smoke and smoking EATS UP your vitamin c), scratch the advil and tylenol and the antibiotic so I guess that would leave me with 5, right? I don't always take the IBS meds... only when I look pregnant because I can't go to the bathroom. The Suboxone is so bad with the bathroom thing. It makes me feel bad... Anyway, the zelnorm helps but I don't always take it... In fact, I have had my script for a while now and just started it again yesterday and haven't had any in about 3 months.

Anyway, now that I've freaked myself out by taking so many pills... How are YOU doing? Are you still stuck on that same amount of hydros? I know it's hard... Aren't you terrified of the day when your cousin 'runs out'? However, because you are taking such a low amount... your wds will not be that bad. I hope you do realize that!

Also, I did want to tell you (again) that this welbutrin has really helped me come out of that horrible place I was in. I know you said it helped you years ago and it has helped me tremendously. And I'm still only taking 100 mgs. My doc wants me to get up to 300mgs? What do you think? How many are you on? Even w/the Sub and xanax, I'm still pretty awake at night and during the day because of the med. Which is great because I feel like I've been sleeping for the last 6 months being on lexepro. That just did NOT work for me... I feel so stupid for thinking it was the Sub making me so damn tired. What an idiot! How much I could have avoided if I would have just known... including my little fender bender I had.

Jenny... can't believe your experience in rehab... didn't read about that prior to this post. I'm very proud of you for doing so well. I'm glad you have done this without the use of a maintenance drug - actually both you and Rosie. You guys don't know how sometimes I feel so trapped by Sub because I can't just stop taking it. But, that's the way things are right now... maybe in a while they won't be that way. It's so funny because every week (basically... now) I fuss and moan about Suboxone and she just won't even entertain me getting off of it. She just stops me dead in my tracks when I start talking about the weight gain or whatever... She will NOT let me get off of it. She knows me better than I know myself and she KNOWS I will relapse and I believe she is right. But today, I just had to laugh at her when she cut me off and started talking about how it has helped me so much. I literally said 'you just aren't going to hear of it are you?'... she said 'you are NOT getting off of Sub... not yet'. She's right!

Take care... I'm going to check out the ADD place and see what I can find. Love you guys! And where is Michelle? I miss her!

 
Old 05-13-2004, 10:21 AM   #13
Senior Veteran
 
Join Date: Dec 2003
Location: California
Posts: 516
rosietee HB User
Re: Rosie's update (long and rambling)

OH, Lynn, I had missed your post first time around. lol lol!!! I am always able to answer any medication questions anyone might have at a meeting. I read voraciously about any little pill I take.

Banker, at one point I got up to 500 mg of Wellbutrin and was taking 80 mg of prozac at the same time. I was so depressed at that time that I couldn't eat, but that got me out of the fog, along with exercise.

they are yelling for me downstairs, so off I go . . .

luv,
rosie

 
Old 05-14-2004, 08:00 AM   #14
Inactive
 
Join Date: Oct 2003
Location: MS, USA
Posts: 1,578
John 808 HB User
Re: Rosie's update (long and rambling)

Good moring, Rosie!

Well, I finally got to read your "minute by minute" rehab experience- LOL! Doesn't sound quite so bad! I am terribly sorry you have been going through so much- hang in there!

Have to run right now- the baby is screaming her lungs out (imagine that- whenever I get on the computer or phone.... )!

Will talk later- K?
Michelle

 
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