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Old 05-15-2004, 12:44 AM   #1
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Chadstlouis HB User
Unhappy Dad is alcoholic..just thinking about it brings tears to my eyes..advice needed

I am 23. My dad has was the greatest Dad and person growing up.

He has had medical problems in the past, polio as a kid and major back surgery.

When I was in High School he would drink Beer. Then it turned into scotch.

Now things are bad and I am worried he is going to die, but he is so depressed I don't know that he cares.

He has tried 3 different treatment centers with no luck..always relapse.

He hasn't gone more than a 3 day stretch without drinking. He drinks morning, day, and night. Most of the day he is sleeping or pasted out from drinking and risk losing his business, house, family and his life.

Anyone that feels they have advice that can help..please do!!!

He is taking me down with him if that makes any sense?
I would like to move on, but I can't!!

 
Old 05-15-2004, 04:42 AM   #2
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windysan HB User
Re: Dad is alcoholic..just thinking about it brings tears to my eyes..advice needed

Booze is a tough one. If he's done treatment 3 times then he was given the tools. It is up to him to use those tools. All you can do is encourage him to go to some AA meetings. Do this when he is sober/hungover. He'll need to detox again if he wants to try quitting again. There is not much you can do...he has to make the decision. Don't let it get to you(easier said than done)....it isn't your fault. Just know that you could have the gene...so avoid booze. Go to your local AA and buy the Big Book. Leave it on the table where he hangs out. That's all you can do.

 
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Old 05-15-2004, 09:15 AM   #3
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flygirrll HB User
Re: Dad is alcoholic..just thinking about it brings tears to my eyes..advice needed

Sorry to hear about your dad...that is really tough. You can't change him or fix him, he has to want to change for himself. All you can do is be there for him and encourage him to go back to AA. Have you gone to any Al-Anon meetings? Al-Anon is for family members and friends of alcoholics, you will get alot of support there and tools for living with an alcoholic in your life. You can do a google search for more information by typing in Al-Anon (spelled exactly like that) and the first link is their homepage.
Good luck sweetie

 
Old 05-15-2004, 09:28 PM   #4
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Chadstlouis HB User
Re: Dad is alcoholic..just thinking about it brings tears to my eyes..advice needed

Thanks for the replys.

Well, hopefully he can find it within himself to quit. I know that I didn't cause problem, but it is hard to not feel like something could have been done differently?

I have heard of these meetings and I really do not feel comfortable talking in front of large groups of people, let alone about something that makes me so upset.

Has it been proven that alcoholism is gene related? I really don't feel like I would ever have a drinking problem. But I do have a tendency to overdrink, I can't really social drink like alot of my friends do. Anyway, I have thought about it before, and tend to just drink on the weekends unlike many of my friends that like to drink pretty often.

Thanks for the replys!

 
Old 05-17-2004, 01:43 PM   #5
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#1Texan HB User
Re: Dad is alcoholic..just thinking about it brings tears to my eyes..advice needed

Hi Chad
I lived with an alcoholic father and husband, I was 36 when i decided i could no longer take it. I made a choice to move on with my life, you should consider the same. Your dad has made his choices.

Do not let it bring you down, you are an individual, saying that... know that you have choices of your own to make.

Tex

 
Old 05-17-2004, 03:08 PM   #6
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doggreensector HB User
Re: Dad is alcoholic..just thinking about it brings tears to my eyes..advice needed

Hi Chad the booze is really a tough one as you have been told, I grew up in a family of alcoholics, my sister, my father, my mother, stepbrothers and stepsisters too. I myself hit the bottle for about 8 years myself and I was an ugly drunk. I tried AA many times and I like you did not like it at all. It was not for me.

I finally quit when I had lost my job, friends, family members were disgusted with me and I got into trouble with the law time and time again.

I have read everything I can about alcohol abuse. I finally called one of the few friends that I had left in the world and asked him if I could stay with him and his wife while I was dealing with my legal problems (I had no place to live). Him and his wife had been partiers big time but had quit drinking and smoking pot. He said that I could stay with him but that I was not allowed to drink or get drunk. I agreed and began attending church with them.

Shortly thereafter the spirituality of the church and people who attended began to effect me in a postive way and I quit drinking, that was years ago.

I don't know if my brief story will help you, but I can say one thing, is that until I was ready to quit nobody could help me, I simply was too depressed or simply didn't care.

In answer to your question about whether alcohol is genetic goes, there is much debate on that and the original researcher Jelnick who theorized that alcohol may have a genetic component concluded that his research was inconclusive. In otherwords there is no silver bullet theory. Alcohol abuse for me was the result of a series of choices that I made over a long period of time to get where I got. Realizing that my alcohol abuse was to some extent a moral dillema and that I do have some control over what I put in my mouth helped me get free of the booze battle.

As for you this is a heart breaking situation and you have to decide how long you want to hang in there because it will start effecting you. If it hasn't done so already. You may want to talk with a counselor yourself.

You need to take care of yourself.


Keith

 
Old 05-17-2004, 07:41 PM   #7
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Re: Dad is alcoholic..just thinking about it brings tears to my eyes..advice needed

Quote:
Originally Posted by doggreensector

Realizing that my alcohol abuse was to some extent a moral dillema and that I do have some control over what I put in my mouth helped me get free of the booze battle.

Keith
Keith, good post. I think what you said above equally applies to addictive drugs. We are responsible for the choices we make. When I acknowledged this reality, I found the motivation to quit.

 
Old 05-17-2004, 10:25 PM   #8
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Jerri1 HB User
Re: Dad is alcoholic..just thinking about it brings tears to my eyes..advice needed

Chad,Dont fool around with the I only drink on the week-ends!I too only drank on the week-ends at first.My Dad was an alcoholic all my life.I never even started really drinking until like 1989.Only on the week-ends.Within a year I was as a full fleadged alcoholic!A case of beer a night at least!At first I was a so called happy drunk!Then I turned into a very mean drunk!Well I went to in-house treatment for 29 days in 1999 and havent drank since!BUT(Theres always a BUT)I traded beer for the pills!I'm proud to say that I'm clean again from everything but my cigs!There next!!But dont drink sweetie especially if you do it in excese when you do!It only leads one way and thats down hill!And please dont ever blame yourself for your fathers drinking cause him and only him can get himself sober!You can only support him if he tries!I like you dont feel comfortable talking in front of people but it does help to just go and listen at the meeting and to know there are alot of people out there with the same problems! Take care my friend and I'll be praying for you and your dad! Love ya.. I forgot to say I'm 49!So I was a non drinker until I was in my 30s!
__________________
jerri

Last edited by Jerri1; 05-18-2004 at 09:53 PM.

 
Old 05-18-2004, 12:09 PM   #9
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northernlights2 HB User
Re: Dad is alcoholic..just thinking about it brings tears to my eyes..advice needed

chad...i know exactly what you're going through. your question "could i have done anything differently?" got me. the answer is , honestly,...ya, you could have done EVERYTHING differently and it wouldn't have changed a thing. you are no more responsible for your dad's drinking than you are responsible for the color of your eyes. and you are no more in charge of it. he is. please heed jerri's post however, and tell yourself daily that your dad probably started his drinking just like you are drinking now. while you aren't responsible for HIS mistakes, you do have some responsibility for not repeating them yourself. don't mean to scare ya..just been where you are....take care of you...

 
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