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Old 05-17-2004, 07:27 AM   #1
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timsworld73 HB User
It has been a while, but got myself in trouble

Hey guys, alot...or most of you I dont know since I have not been around in a while. I got off Lortabs/Ultram almost a year ago. Well in December my 49 year old mother was found to have liver cancer. If you read when I was detoxing from my last threads you know there is only one person that I was doing it for...my mother(Besides myself). She helped detox...rubbing my legs, trying to make me eat. Washing towls since I was in hot showers for about 3 days. And would stay up with me because I could not sleep. I have no wife...my mother and I are co-dependant to a fault. We learned of her liver cancer when they took out her gallbladder that was cancereous and had spread to her liver. Needless to say an old enemy was trying to rear its ugly head. I took a couple Xanax at the hospital the night we learned. Well to make the long story short Ultram has now became my enemy again. I am addicted to it. Not a little like 3 or 4, but 30. I know, I know...seizures, but I did not look at that. I want off the stuff so bad, but now my mothers cancer has moved to her bones(her hips) and is now doing radiation. Until the radiation kills the cancer and thus relieves the pain, there is a golden trophy of medication hid somewhere in my house. 400 Percocet 10mg. 200 Norco. Duragesic suckers. I am not interested in those, they dont do what the Ultram does whatever that is, but my mind is playing with me. I tell myself...take a couple of those Percocet and wean yourself off the Ultram with them. Just take a half a Percocet when the withdrawls. I am trying to figure out what to do. Pray for me.

 
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Old 05-17-2004, 07:59 AM   #2
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jenny1973 HB User
Re: It has been a while, but got myself in trouble

First off i am so sorry about your mother. I realize you must be going thru alot right now. Cancer is an ugly disease to watch. I think you already know that you are taking way too many ultram and that you are risking your own life. Don't mess around with these pills. I was addicted to them and I know the hold they have over you. I honestly think these were harder to get off for me then vicodin. You have to wean yourself off or get into detox. I had to admit myself and only had to stay for 1 week. I came out feeling like crap for another two weeks, but it was managable and I have 3 small kids to take care of. I think everybody trying to get clean has there loads of responsibilty and/or heartache but it can be done. I don't know your history, but it sounds as if you have been down this road before. You know what works for you so get busy and get clean. However you have to do it I am sure you can make it work. My thoughts and prayers are with you and your mother!!!
Jenny

 
Old 05-17-2004, 08:16 AM   #3
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Location: massachusetts
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no patience HB User
Re: It has been a while, but got myself in trouble

i am so sorry about you're mother that is awful i cried reading your post i completly understand why you relapsed but i hope you can taper your self off i've never had an ultram addiction but i've heard it's pretty awful i give you all the support you need in beating this addiction i know it's hard it was for me to kick methadone but you know it is possible my heart really aches for your situation and my prayers are with you and your mother please don't let these pills win ok keep us posted (((((((big hugs)))))))) kelleigh ps stay strong you can do this

Last edited by no patience; 05-17-2004 at 08:17 AM.

 
Old 05-17-2004, 08:59 AM   #4
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NeverAgain HB User
Re: It has been a while, but got myself in trouble

That is a very large amount of Ultram to be taking, you know what a risk you are taking(seizures etc.) One thing you may need to think about. Your mother is in a horrible fight right now. One I believe she will win. However, it seems like you and her have a special bond and I'm not sure she could make it if something happened to you. I will be praying for you and your mother.

B

 
Old 05-17-2004, 12:51 PM   #5
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User 205000 HB User
Re: It has been a while, but got myself in trouble

Quote:
Originally Posted by timsworld73
I got off Lortabs/Ultram almost a year ago.

She helped detox...rubbing my legs, trying to make me eat. Washing towls since I was in hot showers for about 3 days. And would stay up with me because I could not sleep.

I am trying to figure out what to do. Pray for me.
Tim, first of all, I am very sorry to hear about your mother. She sounds like a remarkable, loving and caring person, especially when she was there for you a year ago. On that note, I would hope you would simply quit the Ultram and not take anything else, not only for yourself, but also out of respect for your mother, who was there when you needed her a year ago. She would not want you to go back to the way things were a year ago.

 
Old 05-18-2004, 04:23 AM   #6
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sadsister HB User
Re: It has been a while, but got myself in trouble

Tim-
I really sorry to hear of your moms cancer-you/mom-kind of remind me of the relationship i have w/ my son-very close friends/yet family..rarity nowadays.
I can understand your relapse-these are our coping "skills"-as addicts-when somethings goes wrong-we turn to our comfort..drugs..
No judgement here-i was a severe dope addict-so i understand the pull of opiates-im not familiar w/ ultram-i was under the impression its not an opiate-but so many are addicted-can you clarify what it is/does for you?
I am on the suboxone maitainence-now on a low dose preparing to wean in the coming months.Would this treatment be helpful for you?If its an opiate-all i can say-im an advocate for this therapy-since i thought i was hopeless.
I agree w/ the previous poster who suggested your mom really needs YOU-now more than ever-and it would be in her honor to attempt to get off this-and of course-for you.Since this is life-threatening.
I hope you find the help you need-either w/ a dr. or AA-so you can get off this cycle.
I myself am so afraid of the day-im finally off the sub-due to my history w/ opiates-so i understand completely-the lure of this stuff.
Im in weekly therapy-praying that when i do come off-ill be prepared mentally.
I am sending you prayers-for you and your mom-i hope everything goes well-and she will be cancer-free-
prayers-
heather

 
Old 05-18-2004, 05:21 AM   #7
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Join Date: Sep 2003
Location: Las Vegas, NV, US
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LVgal HB User
Re: It has been a while, but got myself in trouble

I hear you loud and clear. I have been on Ultrams for about 4 years.I take about 5-6 a day.I'm supposed to take 1-2 every 4 hours as needed.I think the way its written out is too many for me. Please be very careful about the amount your taking, you should be constantly sweating. At least that what they do to me when I take more than I should.
Plus I take Zoloft once a day, that with the Ultram is another deadly combo.

Your Mom needs YOU right now!!!!! Try to think about what your doing and how your body is feeling the next time you take a pill.

You CAN do this!

With Prayers :

 
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