I really sorry to hear of your moms cancer-you/mom-kind of remind me of the relationship i have w/ my son-very close friends/yet family..rarity nowadays.
I can understand your relapse-these are our coping "skills"-as addicts-when somethings goes wrong-we turn to our comfort..drugs..
No judgement here-i was a severe dope addict-so i understand the pull of opiates-im not familiar w/ ultram-i was under the impression its not an opiate-but so many are addicted-can you clarify what it is/does for you?
I am on the suboxone maitainence-now on a low dose preparing to wean in the coming months.Would this treatment be helpful for you?If its an opiate-all i can say-im an advocate for this therapy-since i thought i was hopeless.
I agree w/ the previous poster who suggested your mom really needs YOU-now more than ever-and it would be in her honor to attempt to get off this-and of course-for you.Since this is life-threatening.
I hope you find the help you need-either w/ a dr. or AA-so you can get off this cycle.
I myself am so afraid of the day-im finally off the sub-due to my history w/ opiates-so i understand completely-the lure of this stuff.
Im in weekly therapy-praying that when i do come off-ill be prepared mentally.
I am sending you prayers-for you and your mom-i hope everything goes well-and she will be cancer-free-