If you are a praying person, please pray for me right now. I'm depressed again... got on Wellbutrin about 10 days ago and it seemed to help... but now the crying spells are coming again... I think this could very well be hormonal. It's like the only time I feel normal is the first week of my period. The next three weeks are horrible and it's starting again.
I have an appt. w/a phsyc on 6-7 but that seems like a lifetime away. I started out on 100 mgs of regular Wellbutrin and just increased to 150 XR three days ago.
Just keep me in your prayers. I feel extremely alone and I hate it!
Banker - You know I always have a special prayer tucked away for you! Ten days on Wellbutrin is not very long...and you are not yet at the highest level...where I needed to be for it to be effective. I didn't even notice I had taken it for almost three weeks! So your doctor might want to give it a chance. When it began to help me...it was worth the wait!
The tie-in with your hormones makes it very confusing....and that where you need a psychiatrist specializing in these sorts of medications and their interactions with hormones. Are you phoning the dr's office every day or so to check for cancellations? I'm so sorry you're feeling bad again, and hope this will be straightened out really soon. Just want you to know that you're not alone!! :-) love, lynn xxx
Banker, I am praying for you right now, as you are the one person here I worry about the most. I pray you can find one good doctor who can oversee your addiction recovery, your counseling needs, and analyze and understand the drug and hormonal interactions of all of the various medications you are taking. You deserve to be happy.
Thank you guys. I appreciate it and need it. Lynn, I haven't phoned and checked to see where i am on the cancellation list but I'm going to. In the mean time, I was going to call my regular MD who prescribed the welbutrin to see if I needed to go ahead and increase to 300 mgs... He wanted me to take 100 first, then 150 for two weeks and then 300 but I'm thinking I might need to just go ahead and bump it up. But I'm not going to do it without talking w/him first. And I'm scared that I'm going to have a seizure. I know it's rediculous... This is how I get.... extremely depressed and my anxiety level is always at it's highest. I simply HATE this.
User - thank you for your kind words. But I have to ask - and this is probably coming from the depression and possibly a little paranoia but why do you worry about me the most? As far as the addiction goes, as long as I'm on Suboxone.... I won't slip. It takes away the cravings and I know you would rather me be on nothing as far as maintenance goes for addiction and I respect your opinion and honestly wish I could do it but I just can't... at least night right now. However, as I've stated before, I'm amazed and in awe at your ability to put drugs down and not look back! You are obviously extremely strong willed and because of this, you have saved your life.
Lynn... do you think I should give it more time on the 150 mgs or should I call doc to increase to 300 which is where he uiltimately wants me?
Banker - I think I started at 100 for two weeks, then up another 100 after each week....stopping at 400. Which was just right for me. (My doctor did blood checks.) Plus, I take 4 prozac a day. So, I've got a lot of antidepressants in me, running around with their little shovels and pails, making sure enough of all this stuff gets to the right place! LOL! You can ask your doc about increasing the dosage--see what he thinks.
I am praying for you right now. I go through fits of depression that turn into anger toward myself and others. I think that my anger masks my depression. I hate feeling alone. I am not sure if you are religious or not and I am not trying to push anything on you at all. But I am not sure if you have seen the Passion, when I saw that it effected me in a good way and really took my mind of my depression.
Banker, hi, I am praying for you too. Just a couple thoughts--first of all, the seizure risk is of real concern only if you have already had a seizure, have had an eating disorder, or are discontinuing a benzo (like they say at the end of the commercial on TV). Remember, when I had my one seizure I was not just on wellbutrin, but had had an eating disorder (although it was years before, it increases the risk somehow) and was also discontinuing xanax. And now that I have actually had a seizure I can't take it at all, which I am bummed about. It was probably helping my ADD, though it was undiagnosed at the time. Remember I was taking much more than you and was taking prozac as well and it took trial and error and time to figure out what combination/doseages would help to lift my depression. I was on it for a few years before my seizure.
Can you just leave a message for your doctor or his or her nurse or an assistant to see whether you can up your dose? They could just call the pharmacy for more for you. With my ADD med, when I wanted to increase it last week, I left a message for my shrink on his voicemail and he called me back and said okay and I went to his office just to pick up the script (it takes a special script). My next appointment isn't until June, either. Give that a try. I don't even have a long history with this guy. My old shrink got to know me very well and she let me go as high up as I wanted to, as I knew what effect I was looking for and what side effects to avoid.
You never know, your general MD might be willing to up it, as they are more liberal about prescribing antidepressants, but might not, because of all the other meds you are on. My OBGYN was ok with prescribing psych meds one at a time, but wanted me to see a shrink for the combos.
BTW, Wellbutrin does have a constipating effect. I actually liked that effect, as I have IBS problems, but it sounds like you may have to watch that with the issues that you have, know what I am trying to say?
I know how you feel- I am blah, too! Have been experiencing the crying spells as well- atleast you are somewhat "stable" with your maintenance. I keep jumping from one thing to another searching for some peace and happiness.
I will offer up a special prayer for you- you can count on that! And you do the same for me, please!
I wish I could talk more, but it is my anniversary and I have to get ready for a BIG DATE. Sad thing is, I really don't want to go. I am in just one of those "moods" where I don't even want to get dressed and have to "put on the happy face." UGH!
Okay- will check back on you. Hang in there and know that you are not alone!
I'm praying for you too. You have done tremondously a lot for people here. IMO, I have a feeling that maybe the Subutex with the combination of all your meds is making you feel extremely depressed. I'm sure the hormonal thing doesn't help also.
Subutex is opiate based, thus excerberating your depression , if you are feeling somewhat depressed. I don't know truly, these are just things that I felt when I was on Subutex. Initially, I felt fine, but after a while...I don't know.There was something in the Subutex that made my brain wig out. Its strange and I just can't pinpoint what it is nor can I intelligiently explain it either. I've never been on anti-depressants, but it doesn't make sense to me if you are already on AD, then why are you still feeling more depressed?
I hate to say this now, but since all of your meds haven't did a thing for your depression, try going to get some exercise. This is the only quick fix that I have to suggest to you. I know that it works. Please, please try to do that. At least do that for your kids. Please.
User - thank you for your kind words. But I have to ask - and this is probably coming from the depression and possibly a little paranoia but why do you worry about me the most?
Banker, there are several reasons. First, I had an experience with a migraine pain treatment clinic several years ago, which resulted in the doctors prescribing several medications at once. Over time, the interactions of these drugs caused side effects, which resulted in more drugs being prescribed to treat side effects of side effects. The cure was worse than the disease, and I have to believe some of this is happening to you, given all the meds you are currently taking, all of which are mind-altering. I've been through this, and it was awful. This is why I think it is important to have one trusted physician who oversees all of the specialist doctors and the medications they prescribe to you, so as to see the big picture.
Second, as an investment banker (different from commercial banking, I know), I can relate to you on a professional basis, particularly working in large organizations, and in dealing with clients. When you described your episodes of depression, particularly in the workplace, I worry about your job security, as well as how you are perceived by your boss, your colleagues, and your clients. People like us on the board can relate, but outsiders do not, but I can relate to you on a professional basis.
Last, like you, I am a parent, and I know how difficult it is to juggle everything necessary to raise a family, deal with the problems of our children, and also deal with our own recovery. There simply isn't enough time in a day to take care of them and take care of yourself. We carry a big burden, don't we.
Of everyone here though, I don't worry about you relapsing, because I know you won't. I do believe sub is not only working for you for your opiate addiction, but is truly the right choice for you. It is, possibly, the other drug interactions, however, that may be contributing to some of the issues you are trying to deal with. I just hope there is one good doctor who can objectively assess your situation, in its entirety. I think most of us here (it included me), don't tell ALL of our doctors (specialists) our entire story. I think we want, subconsciously, to "reserve the right", so to speak, to have an available option to get a drug we know we shouldn't, at some point in the future (look at how many admitted addicts on this board who still have access to narcotics through their own doctors! You and I know this shouldn't be the case. The result is our one, single, primary doctor not having full knowledge of our situation, because we haven't told him the entire story. Hence, medications that shouldn't be mixed are often prescribed. I recognize that none of this may be true in your case, but it is an observation, based on what you have written.
I care about you and want you to get well.
ps: just did prayer number 2 for today
Last edited by User 205000; 05-18-2004 at 06:04 PM.
Hey Banker Im so sorry to hear you are not feeling good today.Makes me glad im not a woman and I did pray for you this morning you were in my prayer as like everyday and remember no matter how bad you feel my dear dont need any hydro and how much inspiration you have been to so many people including myself you the one who helped me get off the hydro and now on day 2 of only 2 subs and feel fine infact great Doc said to take 3 so im tapering my own before my next appt.So you put a smile on that face and know that god loves you and be thankful for all the wonderful things he gives to all of us each day.I hope your day gets better and I did say another prayer for you.talk to you later im at work till 10pm cst.so if you wanna talk im here.........Dan
Thanks, everyone. I appreciate it. I think the prayers worked this afternoon as I actually felt a little better for a few hours.
Michelle - I'm praying for you too. However, I would definitely say I'm NOT stable... I mean, I'm not abusing pills, but I'm all over the place w/my mood swings.
User ---- My Sub doc is the one that gave me Welbutrin about two months ago but it interacted w/the lexepro I was taking. He gave it to me because he said he thought it would help me w/my weight gain. (which is just absurd to me to take an AD for weight gain) but anyway... couldn't do it. So... I got off of lexepro myself, then realized it was the cause for my overwhelming drowsiness. The reason I got off of it was so that I could take an AD that would not cause weight gain. However, the depression was kicking up big time way before I decided to do this. So, the lexepro just wasn't working anymore.
Anyway, the bottom line is that there is one doc that really does know everything I'm taking. The prob is that he is an idiot... And he doesn't know I stopped the lexepro. It's just that my GP gave me a new prescription for Welbutrin because I never got the one filled from my Sub doc.
Can you tell I'm a little defensive? I've been having a difficult time particularly with being defensive and just somewhat an overall feeling of self loathe... It's pretty bad.
I've been actually a little more productive over the last two weeks... but still emotional and you're right, I've been worried as well about work. However, I do not work w/clients so that is a GOOD thing. I'm going to talk to the pshyc about getting on FMLA for depression. This way, they cannot fire me for missing too much work or anything. Also, I have a personal relationship w/my manager's manager and have for years. She's been really supportive of me and refers to me as 'her daughter'. I've also done ALOT for the bank so they have been good to me too. But I realize that will only go so far... that's why I'm trying to get my sh*& together so I can just simply be happy. And you're right... I didn't realize how we do have a lot in common...
I'll exercise. I've been trying but haven't even been able to take a lunch at work because I've been so busy. Each day so far this week I've attempted to pack clothes and work out at lunch but just haven't done it. I will try to in the a.m. so I can work out at lunch....
My weight gain has been extremely depressing. I obviously have always put a lot into being somewhat attractive and now that I've lost that part of me, I'm not sure what I have inside. It's just depressing.
Anyway, thank you guys and please just don't forget about me. I know your prayers worked today... Thanks!
Banker, being defensive is natural and certainly understandable. When my idiot migraine doctor had me on a massive drug cocktail, I lost quite a bit of weight (and I thin to begin with), and my personal appearance was shocking to me, and I obsessed over it. But you know what? Think of what you have accomplished by getting off of hydros...this is huge! You probably saved your life, and, as you probably know, the percentage of abusers that actually do this is miniscule. So you've gained a few pounds...so what? YOU ARE ALIVE! YOU HAVE YOUR CHILDREN! I am sure you are as attractive as you have always been, so deal with weight gain later. Give yourself some credit; you certainly deserve it. Not only that, but look at what you have done to inspire and support others here, including me. You have that gift of caring, and your example is helping me to be more open minded and sensitive to others' feelings. Please don't loathe yourself...be proud of yourself and allow yourself to take some credit for what you have accomplished. Take care.
ps: I continue to think that joining that band and singing would really cheer you up. Think about it.
Thank you User... I actually told the 'band guy' the other day that I wanted to talk with him... this was just in passing. And there is no doubt that if I did that, and we actually got to play in bars and people enjoyed us... It would be absolutely a dream come true! Got to get skinny first though. Who wants a fat lead singer? lol
But you're right --- I need and crave positive attention and what would give me that better than being literally ON STAGE? I've been thinking about it HARD! Thanks again!