Read everything on your other thread, but decided to post here as that one was getting long!
Okay, everything User said about your weight is true. That compared to having your "life back" and your children and so many things going for you, your weight is an issue that can be dealt with later. But, as a woman myself, I can totally understand how that is an issue that does take center stage no matter what. Women just tend to worry about their appearance more than men- just a fact. Again, User is right and you do need to be so thankful that you are not abusing and you are taking steps to re-claim your life, but I know the weight issue can contribute to the depression. It has for me before. Even when I was pregnant with my third child, I was gaining more than I did in my last pregnancys and I started to quit eating and I had to remind myself that I was not only hurting myself, but a baby growing inside me. My point is, there are times when we have to put other things ahead of our own worries and right now, your sobriety and ofcourse, your depression need to be the top priorties right now.
I think it is imperative that you get some type of exercise routine going and no matter how much you may hate it at first- MAKE YOURSELF do it! You will feel better, it will help with the depression, and yes, the weight! When I first started walking a few months ago, I literally was crying the whole time I walked. I hated it and I was miserable and I though there was no way in the world that this was helping me. but, it does! And, you'll get to a point where if you miss your routine, you'll feel it and you'll WANT to get out there and get going! It has been raining here for seven or eight days, I swear, and I haven't been able to walk too much and I can tell with my moods. I think that is one reason I have felt so blah this week and have battled with my "choices" regarding how am I going to get and stay clean.
Just hang in there, girl! Things will get better! Start exercising and yes, definately get your meds "in tow" and the weight issue will "fall into place." Since I did that, I have dropped back to my usual 115 lbs and I can credit that only to exercise and to "Special K" for breakfast and lunch- hey, you ought to try that. It is pretty good with a little bananas or strawberries on top!!! Or Walmart sells smoothies that you mix yourself that are only 1.5 grams of fat and they taste JUST LIKE Smoothie King- SO GOOD!!!! And those Weight Watchers "bistro selection" are pretty good!!! Just offering a little womanly weight advice!!!!
I think you and I are alot alike and I know how your feeling and I feel certain things will start looking up- can't you tell I am feeling better today? You will to soon!! Again, just remember you are CLEAN, you have children who love you more than anything, and friends here that feel the same way!!! If I could, I would be "down there" (or is AL "up"??? DUH???) in minute to personally help you in any way I could- that is how much I care about you. Just remember that!
Remember, too, that God has a plan for your life! You are so special and have a certain, specific reason for being on this earth! I love ya and will be here whenever you want to talk. Even if it is, woman to woman, just to *itch a little about weight!! LOL!!!
I was a chubby kid. I had always been 20lbs overweight. But then when I got pregnant, I gained 70lbs. I was well over 200lbs when I had my kid! I thought all that time, it was the baby gaining the weight, but she only weighed 7 lbs! It took me about 3 years to lose that weight, but I never dieted my food, just exercised.
I started to really push my exercise routine when I first got separated from my ex-husband. When he first told me he impregnanted his girlfriend, I was infuriated. I decided to take up boxing and kickboxing. Oh, my ****, it was the best. It was the best stress reliever to hit a bag and kick it as hard as I could while I was imagining that I was hitting my ex-husband's face! That helped me so much that to this day, I cannot give that up because it just helps me so much with stress. Not only that , I feel so powerful. Bascially, the weight just fell off. To this day, I'm too skinny. I don't look anoxeric or anything, but strong and buff. I have no body fat at all on my body. I never thought I would say that I was too thin. I never dieted my food at all. I lost my last 10lbs of body fat obviously through the hydro abuse, but never gained my weight back since becoming hydro free. I eat and eat, but just can't gain weight. I mean I have to eat cheeseburgers everyday now. I never thought I would say , "I hate eating".
My point is, just try to exercise and before you know it, you do it just to feel good . Its not even about looking good. That's one of the benefits of exercising, looking good. Like Michelle, if I don't exercise, I feel crabby and so moody. Just PMS city, everyday! Its awful. Not only that, exercise is great for ADD. It calms you down to a normal person. I don't have all of this excess energy when I exercise.
So hang in there. I know the weight thing so well too.Post if you need anything. Take care.
User - Too sweet! Thank you for thinking of me. Actually, I woke up today and I AM doing better. You are very sweet to let me know that you are thinking about me. It means so much! Thanks!
To all - you guys won't believe it but I ran home for lunch so that I could grab a bowl of Raisin Bran w/a banana... (I've told you all about my little 'problem' that comes w/opiates and of course, that includes Sub so I've GOT to eat Raisin Bran if i want to help myself) (haven't been doing this - by the way) Also, so I could get my work out clothes... I'm going to go to the gym around 4:00 so it will be my first day back working out. You do remember I did it for almost a month a few months ago but I didn't see a tremendous improvement, and the depression kicked back in so I stopped. Anyway, don't have much time but I'm trying really hard not to let this stuff get me down. When it's such a severe chemical/hormonal thing, it's extremely difficult to control. So, the only thing I can think of is that the Welbutrin is possibly starting to kick in - and it maybe it did so at just the right time...
Anyway, you guys are great, and I really am feeling better. I know your prayers had to help. I just hope I don't drop right back down to the bottom of the barrel w/these mood swings. And wish me luck on the treadmill... I'm going to go all out today. I know, start off slow but If I'm not sore, then I don't feel like I did anything.
Thanks again and take care! User --- hope you sell lots of good investments today!! Aren't you scared you're going to give the wrong advice and someone is going to come in and go nuts because of a tremendous loss? Do you mostly sell annuities or something that is somewhat more stable than just plain ole stocks? Just curious... We'll talk soon!
Banker, I am an investment banker, not an investment broker. I raise capital for companies (private equity, debt deals, M&A, advisory, etc.). I can tell you at the height of my hydro abuse, I became very concerned about providing advice while under the influence. I was putting all of my securities licenses at risk, not to mention potential lawsuits. So your point about wrong advise certainly applies in my business. Hope today went well for you. Talk to you soon.
I too was thinking about you this morning when I was at the gym and very happy that you decided to go. Now that you have done that the next important part of it is keep going it takes time how do think gym,s make their money every new years the resolutions come out and tons of people join the place is crowded for about 3 weeks then back to normal so stay with it.And I also did say a prayer for you this morning and just for you. The other thing you talked about that the hydro-Sub causes (RAISIN BRAN) for me went away now after olmost 3 weeks but just have to eat some fruit and drink lots of water.That alone makes me grumpy having that issue for what that is worth.well I am so glad you sound better today.see ya
I didn't make it to the gym. My meeting at work at 3:30 that was supposed to be over at 4:00... just in time for me to go work out until around 5:00ish... then RUSH to the daycare and get kiddos. Well, my meeting lasted until 4:40 so I couldn't do it. But my bag is already packed for tomorrow so I'll give it another shot then. Wish me luck!
Depression was under control again today... Thank Goodness and thanks to you guys for praying and checking in on me. It means the world. So, lots of fruit and water? How much Sub are you taking?
The Doc has me down to 3 8mg tabs a day but I am only taking 2 and feel fine going to wait a few more days and try 1.5 and ahve to see him next week.Its ok about the gym I fully understand is there anyway you can fit it in any other time of your day and then slowly just make it part of your routine.Well I am also glad you feel some what ok today and will continue to pray for you.
And also I too like USER was very worried when I was on hydro dealing with a the my responsabilities for what I am in charge of I cant even say it would scare you,thank god today I dont feel like that.keep that smile on . Everthing my daughter does makes me smile so remember those little things they do and it will bring you joy.it does me.My daughter is 6.5
Banker, I have been an athlete all of my life, but could never stand going to the gym. I need to play a sport or game. Don't make yourself nuts about trying to get to the gym, only to feel guilty if your schedule doesn't permit it. If you can just take a walk or bike ride with your kids, or some activity just to get you out, that's fine.
That's next to impossible... If you knew my children, you would understand. I actually enjoyed going when I went before. If I could get my ADD under control, and get more organized and on top of things, then there should be no excuse for me not being able to go on lunch every day. I mean, unless there is something critical but otherwise, if I could just stay on top of things and not procrastinate so badly, then I could go at lunch. I just have to do it tomorrow. But thx... I do LOVE tennis... but have nobody to play with and nobody to watch children when I do play. It's tough! My only option is to go at lunch or spend tons of money on equipment for my apartment, of which I would have no place to put it. Seriously, I CAN do this.. there is no excse. Well, exept for today's, or course. VERY tired tonight. Going to bed but thanks again and we'll write soon!
By the way.... I was recently involved in a Securitization project within our bank... sounds like that is close to what you do?
B, I understand. My point is to find something you enjoy, so it doesn't feel like a chore, and if you do enjoy the gym, then great! And yes, I have done asset securitization deals. I hope it was an interesting and educational project for you. I'd love to hear more about it sometime. Have a good night.
Just checking on you today, Banker! I feel a little "caught in the middle today." One minute, I am feeling blah and am debating on whether or not to try and obtain some hydros or pinch off the sub here and there (until my appointment next week) and the next minute, I'll have a surge of "you can do this...stay strong...think of all you have to lose..."
I tell ya, it is a constant battle. I think I am going to be one of those that is going to have to have some "support" (meetings, counseling, something...) to keep me clean atleast until my body begins to feel somewhat normal.
I am so angry at myself for allowing this to happen though- what in the devil was I thinking as I began to take more and more of those pills?
I guess we could ask ourselves that all the time and it isn't going to fix anything, huh?
I do hope you have a good day and can possibly get some type of exercise in- I know I need to today!
Hello, to you, too User. Interesting conversation b/t you and Grey! I think you may have been just physically dependant.....I guess the most important thing is that you are not taking 30 HYDROS a day!
I know this is Banker's thread (hi, honey, how are you today? remember if nothing else, try for the 10 minute walk--anyone can do that and it will probably turn out to be longer--yoga is a huge help if you can get a tape).
But Michelle, I wanted to say to you I have been feeling similarly. I skipped my meeting Tuesday night for my out-of-town family's visit and really felt the difference yesterday. Went to a late 1-hour candlelight meeting last night and turned my butt around. One woman had just lost her ex-husband to this addiction. Lots of talk of love and support and other people skipping meetings who called their connection "just to see if she was still there" and knew that had to get back. I think I told you my sponsor says they last 12-24 hours.
I'm not saying I am not tempted, but at least I can tell myself that just for today I am not going to get more pills. Tomorrow I will worry about tomorrow. And I should be okay because I have my meeting tonight to go to. Everyone there loves, I mean loves their drugs. But they know they just can't take them because they don't want to lose everything they have and/or die.