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Old 05-20-2004, 02:08 PM   #1
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Join Date: Oct 2003
Location: Worcester, MA, USA
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patinz HB User
I need help

Hi,

I feel desperate. My son, who lives 3000 miles away, is addicted to crystal meth. He lies about taking drugs, but I know he does. He is 27 years old, no job, no money, no future. When he first moved to where he is now, he wanted to become a singing star. He held down and job and before you know it, he started to change. His conversation, his personality. He doesn't work and goes from friend to friend, or whoever will take him in. I've begged him to come home, but he says he's ok and not to worry. He calls for money with excuses of why he needs it. I know it's not the truth. I don't know what to do. I have sent him money on several occassions over the last 3 years. Should I just let him go till he asks to come home, or do something else. Right now, I can't even reach him on a telephone, so I have to wait till he calls me. He called this morning with a story about wanting $120 for some rediculas reason. A friend needed it for Disney World etc. etc. Didn't make much sense. I told him I didn't have any. I have no way to reach him and am waiting for him to call back. I am so sick, I just don't know what to do. Should I go to a support group and learn how to deal with this? If anyone out there has any experience with this painful situation, please answer this post.

 
Old 05-20-2004, 09:33 PM   #2
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Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Kansas
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bluejulie5 HB User
Re: I need help

Quote:
Originally Posted by patinz
Hi,

I feel desperate. My son, who lives 3000 miles away, is addicted to crystal meth. He lies about taking drugs, but I know he does. He is 27 years old, no job, no money, no future. When he first moved to where he is now, he wanted to become a singing star. He held down and job and before you know it, he started to change. His conversation, his personality. He doesn't work and goes from friend to friend, or whoever will take him in. I've begged him to come home, but he says he's ok and not to worry. He calls for money with excuses of why he needs it. I know it's not the truth. I don't know what to do. I have sent him money on several occassions over the last 3 years. Should I just let him go till he asks to come home, or do something else. Right now, I can't even reach him on a telephone, so I have to wait till he calls me. He called this morning with a story about wanting $120 for some rediculas reason. A friend needed it for Disney World etc. etc. Didn't make much sense. I told him I didn't have any. I have no way to reach him and am waiting for him to call back. I am so sick, I just don't know what to do. Should I go to a support group and learn how to deal with this? If anyone out there has any experience with this painful situation, please answer this post.

I woulden't give him money anymore because he is just using it to buy drugs.
It must be so hard on you.
Unfortunately, there is nothing that you can do.
It is up to him. He is an adult.
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julie

 
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Old 05-21-2004, 12:02 AM   #3
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Join Date: Apr 2004
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DannDees HB User
Re: I need help

Hi, Oh how I wish I could talk to you on the phone..I am from a big city where crystal meth is everywhere. I know alot of very good people who are lost because of it. I can not tell you what it is about this drug because fromthe outside it looks awful. They don't laugh, sleep , or shower by the looks of them. Out of about 30 people who I know was doing it 10 years ago , I can say only one of them no longer does and he is the one who spent time in jail. All the others have enablers behind them. Watching your son go through it has to be a nightmare. I have lost someone I loved to it but not one that I love as much as my son. I am so sorry for you. I say be there for your son in any way you can except for money wise. If he says he will come home, you buy the ticket. Do not give him money to buy it. If he needs gas in his car to look for a job, you put the gas... NO cash money..And do not let him abuse you or your house. Pray for him and talk to him without lectures, this chases them away. I would not give up on your son. If you give up he will have no chance. This drug is pure evil and invented by an evil man..PRAY PRAY PRAY and put it in gods hands..sorry not much help I know but that is all really you can do..

 
Old 05-21-2004, 04:49 AM   #4
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Banker HB User
Re: I need help

My mother was terribly addicted to drugs... rehab after rehab. Find alanon --- SOON! You have to come to terms with him not changing until HE'S ready... so don't give him money. He has to hit rock bottom before he's ready to get clean. It's a BAD drug... but I guess they all are. Take care and go to alanon as soon as you can. They will help you and you will know how to deal with your son... what to do/not to do. Take care of yourself. I'm sorry you are having to deal with this.

 
Old 05-21-2004, 05:45 AM   #5
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Join Date: May 2004
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Posts: 667
windysan HB User
Re: I need help

Don't give him any money. Go find an Al-Anon group. Only he can make the decision to get clean. Meth is a tough addiction to break....especially if he's smoking it or shooting it. When he asks to come home tell him that he goes to a long-term treatment facility then he can come home. Good luck to you.

W

 
Old 05-21-2004, 08:56 AM   #6
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Location: Worcester, MA, USA
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patinz HB User
Re: I need help

Thank you so much everyone for answering me. I was up all last night sick and crying and today I feel a little better knowing that doing nothing is the right thing. I feel like I should be doing something, but, I guess I just have to suffer through this. Isn't Alanon for alcoholics? I am trying to find a support group for myself as I am very upset, but I don't know which one deals with support for one who is not taking drugs.

 
Old 05-21-2004, 09:15 AM   #7
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lane71501 HB User
Re: I need help

alanon/naranon is for families and friends of alcoholics/addicts. aa/na is for the addicted person. i am an alcoholic so i go to aa. my husband is a recovering pill addict so for me to deal with his addiction i also went to alanon. they are both 12 step programs. alanon helped me to understand that his stuff is his stuff. my codependant behavior and attempts to control him were not going to help him or me for that matter. sadly, you can't love anyone sober. they have to want it for themselves. by the same token, by miring yourself in the "i need to fix them" mindset, you only set yourself up for misery when they fail to live up to YOUR expectations. for me this threatens my sobriety which after struggling for over a year i have finally put together eight months which i am not willing to throw away. it sucks and it's hard to watch someone you love slowly kill themselves. ultimately, you can drive yourself nuts if you enable their actions (giving $, accepting their excuses and behavior, etc). i hope your son eventually recognizes what's going on with him and reaches out for help. all you can do is tell him you love him but won't participate in his self destruction. there is hope for both of you. all you have to do is ask.

 
Old 05-21-2004, 09:31 AM   #8
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Location: Worcester, MA, USA
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patinz HB User
Re: I need help

I have tried to find a naranon here in Massachusetts and so far, no luck. Do you know how I can find one? Thank you so much for your words.

 
Old 05-21-2004, 09:36 AM   #9
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Join Date: Mar 2003
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lane71501 HB User
Re: I need help

do a google search for narcotics anonymous main website, it should have links to naranon and alanon. as far as i know, both use generally the same program so either would work for you. check the in the business section of your phone book and call them-who ever is on duty can give you meeting times and places.

 
Old 05-21-2004, 09:36 AM   #10
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JCK7475 HB User
Re: I need help

Hi, I Will Have Three Months Clean In 4 Days. I Was Addicted To Morphine, And Cocaine. I Am Now On Suboxone. Have Been Since December, But I Did Not Quit The Cocoaine Till Feb When My Mom Called My Employer Which Is A Family Business She Partly Owns And Told Them To Drug Test Me And Fire Me If I Messed Up Again, Or Did Not Go To Treatment. My Mom Gave Me Money Last Year When I Was Clean For A Short Time To Get Bills Caught Up. I Started Using Again. At Chrismas She Gave All My Sisters 5000, But Would Not Give Me Cash She Paid Bills For Me. But If It Was Not For My Mom Callling My Employer I Would Probably Not Have Cleaned Up Like I Have. I Did Not Ask Her For Money Ofter, But I Have A Good Job And She Got At Me Through That. I Was Mad At Her, But It Was For My Own Good. She Called Alnoon And Got Advice From Them. I Have A Resentment Towards Them, But Like I Said Everthing Turned Out Great. I Am 28 Have Been Using For 14 Years And This Is The First Time I Have Ever Been Able To Stay Clean. You Don't Have The Power My Mom Had, But You Have To Quit Giving Him Money. If He Has To Move Home Then You Will Have More Control Over Him. Not That You Can Control Anything, But You Have To Let Go Off Him. He Has To Make Up His Mind, And I Did Not Change My Mind Till The Pain Of Using Was Greater Than The Satisfaction Of Using. And It Took A Lot. 3 Treatments, Police Being Called 3 Times To My House Since Last Year. 4 Dui's. Fights With Wive. Being Broke Unable To Pay Bills And Give My Children And Family What They Wanted And Needed Even Though I Make Dam Good Money. I Wish You The Best

 
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