Good morning michelle, rosie, root, banker, spark, chef, the twins, and everyone else for that matter!!!!
I am having some issues lately , between the pain in BOTH of my wrists now and an infected tooth....not feeling too well lately.
I am still on the vikes, the other day i took like 9 i couldn't believe it when i counted the next morning. It really does get outta control, very quickly. I know this anyways, gosh, i have been on this crazy rollar coaster ride for a couple of years now. Wonder if i will ever get off?!?!
I haven't been to ANY meetings in a couple of weeks now and i can see what happens to me w/out them. My hubby is in one of his "good" moods this weekend so maybe, i will get to one this afternoon. I really feel alone lately. I guess i have isolated myself this time. I also just got some bad news that in September my brother-in -law will be going to Iraq, he has just been activated. It is so sad, his wife is going to be a mess w/out him around. They are trying to get pregnant before he leaves, because they expect him to be gone at least a year, and she is 33 w/ no children yet. And my other brother and sister in law just found out that they are expecting twins!!! Well, she is not pregnant, they are adopting 2- 1 1/2 year old twins...good luck to her!!! She already takes xanax like it is candy, what the heck is she gonna do with two crazy little ones?????They asked me if i would be interested in being their day-care provider....hell no!!!! I can't even handle Justus, my 2yr old, never mind 2 more little hellions!!! Plus i am just not stable, i guess from the outside i appear to be a lot more with it than i really am. So my mother-in-law is considering doing it for them, but she can't even handle Justus on the days she takes him, which is only like once or twice a week and she has a MASSIVE drinking problem. So i don't think i would feel too comfortable with her watching my twins on a daily basis, but hey, that is their problem.
So i sit here, with the same dam problems i have had and battled for the past two years and wonder....when the hell am i gonna get it together?????? I still am really researching suboxone. I would like to find a doctor that would put me on it for LIFE!!! I am sure i will need some type of maintenance drug, i have done some damage to my brain and i really don't see it ever getting back to the "pre-pill" stage ever again!!!
Well i just wanted to touch base with my "family", it has been awile.
Michelle....what the heck???? you got back on the hydros????? i have trying to play catch-up this morning... I am really praying that this appt. w/the addictionologist is the end of the madness for you. Then you can be an inspiration for me
I love you all and miss you terribly. i will be around alot more now. I just can't go on ignoring my problem.
Seems to be a lot of newbies, and Kayleighsmom is getting her baby back???? What GREAT NEWS TO WAKE UP TO....
Well gotta go make some breakfast for my son's, baseball game today at noon!!!!
p.s. WILLOW-----------are you out there lurking??????
Last edited by lisaaahubb; 05-22-2004 at 07:50 AM.
hi lisa don't think we've every posted each other before but justed wanted to say hello and introduce my self michelle and a bunch of others were pretty worried about you i'm glad to see you're back i know we really don't know each other but they had me concerned to sorry you're in so much pain it must be hard for you to type with sore wrists well just wanted to say hello and figured you must be pretty special for everyone to be so concerned good to hear your back luv kelleigh
Lisa - Even tho I know you're not bursting with "happy" news---I'm just so glad that you're letting your friends share some of the burden with you, again. It can get real lonely out there! And you have people who really care about you on this board. So--welcome back! :-)
I'm still in "your neck of the woods", so to speak, tho not 9 a day. More like 4 or 5. But I too am very worried that I rewired my brain and it won't "re-rewire" no matter how long I'm off pills. So...I know just how you feel.
You, though, have had it so tough in your personal life. Not knowing from day to day how your husband is going to respond to you has got to be so emotionally stressful. When my marriage was moving towards its inevitable conclusion (and we rarely ever fought...more like, we played kinda mean mental games with one other), I was a nervous wreck....altho I didn't admit it for a looooong time! And, afterwards, all my friends were like "how could you go on like that for so long!?!?" But at least I didn't have children...and that makes it a lot harder for you to make a break when you need help with the kids.
That story of the twins! Whoa.....Alice and I have heard ALL the gory stories about dealing with the two of us as little kids. Evidentally, we never sat still....everytime you turned around we were about 6 feet off the ground, balancing on some ledge! LOL! My aunts, uncles and most of my older cousins have been gone for some time now....but I still remember each and every harrowing story they used to laugh over, whenever they described the times they took care of us to give my Mom a break. (And my Mom's advice to those who asked about the "fun" of having twins was "yes..twins are lovely....but don't have them as your FIRST...wait til you have a little experience with just one!" :-)
Re. your hands...are you happy with the doctor you are seeing? Maybe you should get a second opinion if the bad hand is still so bad that it's causing the other to be so totally overstressed. And...is this a new tooth problem? Have you had problems with them recently?
That's so sad about your brother-in-law having to go to Iraq. I'm sorry.....but I feel so angry about all those unnecessary deaths there. :-( (And there's nothing "unpatriotic" about wanting to see your country's troops safe and sound, home with their loved ones.) I do hope his stay in Iraq in totally uneventful!! His wife must be so worried. My generation was the Vietnam War....and that war divided the country in two, as well. So sad.
I do think the Sub might be a good thing for you to consider, after reading so many of the posts that others, here, have written about it. Have you ever spoken to a sub doctor? At this point, talk of "trading one drug for another" gets less and less valid as a reason for people to stay off it, when, you reaize that many of those scared off from taking Sub are just getting more and more addicted to the opiate drugs. It may be worth at least talking to a doctor you respect and getting an opinion.
Do you have problems getting your hydros...or are your doctors still prescribing them for all your pain? That's another thing so horrible about addiction...having to continually think about GETTING the stuff. Ugh! I "withdrew" all thru my ski vacation last winter. What a joke! (Actually...it would make a pretty funny story....I think I'll call it "No Scoring on Skis"! LOLOL!!) I don't mean to make light of our problems...but sometimes I think this is when we most need a sense of humor....I can see lots of total absurdity in my own situation, at times!!!
Anyway, I am just very, very happy to see you back here with "the gang"-- where you can get both consolation--and motivation! xxx love, lynn xx
Hi, honey, so good to hear from you. You hang in there. Try to get to a meeting, too, but talking to us is always good. Isolation is just part of the disease, at least for me. I am a master at it. And I can certainly relate to the challenges of raising toddlers. Someone I really admire, though, put it so well when she said our kids don't want "supermoms", they just want us, their plain old moms w/o the drugs. It is still very hard for me, as I still want the pills, though I have so many people at meetings who show me life is better without them and that so many people die if they don't stop.
I am so glad you shared!! Sorry to hear about your bil, though. Keep on talking. I gotta go, the little ones are calling me!
Well, if it will make you feel any better, Lisa, I am sitting right in front of you on that roller coaster! I am ready to get off as I decided I hate roller coasters- all they do is make you dizzy and feel you like you are going to vomit! LOL!! Actually, I am on the sub now! This is like the third time I have gone from one to another- NOT GOOD! Just trying to hold on until Wednesday!!
Sub for you, huh? Have you talked to any doctors yet or just "playing with the idea?" I am sure your situation is worse than mine in that you are in true pain but atleast you weren't up to 25 a day!
I am so sorry for your family as your brother in law has to "ship off." I have had several friends to have to go and even though I support Bush whole-heartedly, I, too, will be glad when this is over and EVERYONE is home with their loved ones. This is a sad and uncertain time right now! God be with him!
I am glad you decided to check in with us more often- I have missed you! Have you talked to Willow? Just curious-
Gotta run now- kids activites await! Talk soon- K?
Take care and God bless,
Lisa - we've missed you. I just wrote the longest post and then hit the wrong button and it was gone.
Bottom line - go to a Sub doctor and don't think twice about it... call Monday and when you find the docs... call them and see if they have reached their 30 patient max... If they have, call docs in the surrounding areas. Find one and go! You will not regret it. Look at how many new posts you have read about where addicts start on Sub and it saved their lives just like mine. It allows you to feel.... when you start doing that, you will make the right choices to get your life in order and you in a position to where you can be happy again. Lisa, it's so much better than what you are doing. I AM proud of hte fact that you have not increased more than just 9 a day. I mean, I know that's more than prescribed... but i would have been at 20 or 30 by now if I wasn't taking Sub.
Just think HARD about it. We love you I want you to be happy. The Sub is just the first step to getting your addiction under control.... the rest will fall into place once you aren't dying for pills every day.
try to make that 9 a six and then a five and then a two and then a one/one/placebo/one/placebo abd youll be off those darn things....they hurt your quality of life and spend the money on something worthy of spending it on and then help as many folks as you can that are in our predicament.......bless ya chef
Lisa Just a quick thank you for comming back every one was so worried I have never seen so much love not even in the real world next time tell us so we don't worrie to much don't worrie we will still worrie but at least we will know. Glad to have you home
Lisa I have to add to what evry one says and how good it is to have you back. I don't care what any one says I don't beleve we rewire our brain or what ever it is they say. Lisa I am now I think 5 weeks clean and I never felt beter. All I am taking is Celbrex for pain and Lexapro and Zyprexa for the blahs. I feel like I never took a hydro in my life and I was up to 500 mg hydro each day. I go to meetings 4 nights each week and I talk with only recovring people right now. I know you have a lot more to do with babys but it can be done. No mater what, it is so good to see you again.
Hey girl, I have been posting to ya for like two years now and I would love to see you go and see the sub. doc. soon.You and I both know there will always be an excuse to stay on the pain pills. Also I hope you make some hard desicions about your husband sice you are always saying how bad he treats you. You deserve to be treated with respect, like a lady, not a dog or child!! I have not been on these boards for months now and today was my first day back and you are posting with the same problems that you did two years ago? I really hope you can go see the sub. doc. very soon. You will be in my prayers.