well, hi twist. Saw you had posted on another thread and just had to ask you how things are going with you.Its been way too long since you have been around.I do think of you from time to time and wonder just how things are going for you these days.please give me an update when you have time, okay? Marcia
Hi Marcia, things are going quite well actually, I took my trip to seattle in April, I have a few pictures in front of laynes condo and kurts bench in front of his house and stuff if you want to see them. Plus the space needle was out of control, I dont know if you've ever been but they have separate rooms in the museum where you can just jam for hours, all professional equipment with FX, it was great. One thing I didnt like was that the restaurant spins!!!!... :uke:: Went to the Red Light district in Vancouver and got lost! someone tried to sell me some dope the second damn day and SOUR!, pencil lead so fate kept me clean and it cost me 100 bucks Other than that w/d symptoms after 6 long months are actually getting bearable, im off methadone for now and in a bit of pain but ive been working out a lot and sitting in the steamer and keeping busy, They have me on Xanax XR and Valium, along with the Remeron, my doctor said to take a break from the Klonopin taper and live for a while, so that's what im doing. Im still devote to working with the younger generation in the future other than on the IT, I mean, im a pharm school drop out and I blow a lot of doctors away as well as the old CADC's The kid's listen to me, im only 25 with 10 years experience and a medical family background as my own so they're kinda pushing me into doing groups. Why not use all this wasted knowledge in this head, right? Other than that, spending time with my daughter, drinking green tea, writing my music, (using the old stuff, lost the creativity with the drugs and booze =( ) moved into a new home, working the IT still (for now) and putting on some weight. I just cant seem to be happy without anyone in my life though. but we'll just see what's to come of that I guess.....
How about you? You've been alright? Sorry I havent been up to date with these boards, tell me how you're doing....
Thanks for the update cade,really did miss having you around.i am so happy that you have decided to 'live your life" for awhile.Sounds like you are doing pretty well considering everything that you had to deal with before.are you still actively using something.I only ask because of what you mentioned about getting burned while in that good old red light district.I you don't want to answer, i understand.
Things are still pretty much the same with me,some things are a little better and some things a little worse.I am currently fighting my way to get disability.God what a joke this has been.i based my case on the severe nerve damage,pain syndromes and neuro deficits that resulted from that hit nerve during the spinal cord surgery and come to find out, they denied me.i was absolutely floored.as with all of the documentation that i have (or thought i had)i figured that it was pretty much a done deal.Well according to them i could go back to work anytime now.my dr loved that one.my left hand is severely neuro and nerve damaged(this is also totally documented by an emg done by my physiatrist,along with his dictation that went with it where he more or less states that it is a severe handicap),has significant muscle wasting,and is currently clawing,yet they said that i could use both of my hands just fine!Now what part of all that didn't they get you know?
What really angered me the most about this whole nighmare is when i requested a copy of my medical file including the op notes(the dictation that a surgeon does after every surgery that explains everthing that was done or used,even down to what kind of thread was used to close me up)and also all clinic notes and just pretty much anything that was generated since I started seeing this NS.well the stuff finally arrived and much to my surprise and horror, there was very little info,just progress notes to my primary doc that never explained much, not even the brown sequard syndrome or the central pain syndrome that he diagnosed me with.And as if that wasn't bad enough(hold on to your hat here)there was not one single word mentioned in the op notes about the fact that they hit the nerve, lost on the monitor(this is also the reason for them having to stop the surgery)and had to leave at least ten % of the cavernoma behind still inside the spinal cord!Can you believe that????I was fully informed before surgery that if they attempted to remove the cavernoma i would definitely suffer some pretty significant neuro damage as the cavernoma was situated near the wall of the spinal cord,which is good, but unfortunetly, in that little space between the ca and the cord wall, there ran the nerves that controlled the fine motor function in my hands and the nerves to my legs,so i knew full well what I was looking at before they even touched me with a scalpel.I had to have it done though as it had already bled into the cord at least once already,causing me pain and some slight neuro deficits.but the neurosurgeon told me that if i did nothing and left it in, the chances of having another really devistating(as in paralyzation from the breast level down)bleed were extremely high.So I could just leave it and hope that it never happened or have it removed iunder more controlled circumstances.I just agonized over the decision for about a month and decided to take the risk as i just would not be able to handle the thought 24/7 that at anytime this thing could just let go and i would hit the ground and never get up again.but i was totally informed of everything before I consented.i knew that there would be damage, my NS just couldn't tell me where or how bad.
so it definitely was not a liability issue to not include that.I have no clue as to just why,something that significant was left out of the op notes.but i am just totally p****d.the NS s office (his secretary) really hasn't been much help so i am wingin it all on my own right now.It did occur to me that the neurophysiatrist whos job it was during the surgery was just to monitor my motor and sensory on a monitor would also have had to make his own op notes so i have spoken with his office and trying to track those down but my god, this is almost becomming a little bit too overwhelming here ya know?i shouldn't have to do this stuff.i am going to get a letter from my NS to disability about just why all of this improtant stuff was not in my medical files anywhere.he owes me at least THAT much don't you think?i wasn't going to use a lawyer for my reconsideration process as they end up taking 25% of your back pay,but right now, i don't feel that I have much choice.
as if things in my life weren't difficult enough, I have to deal with this little nightmare.I did speak with a guy in the U of M,where i had the surgery ,in the med records dept and told him the story and he said he would go through the main medical file and copy everything for me and send it to me.I told him that i need EVERYTHING! i want clinic notes op notes and the other drs op notes and if there is anything else in that file that has my name on it and words, i want it.so who knows.what a flippin mess.My depression,which was starting to get just a little better has really gotten bad again,and my stress levels are through the roof right now,which in turn, increases my pain level and the spasticity level in both of my legs.I also was just Dxed with a bakers cyst behind my r knee that is absolutely excruciating.i went and had another MRI on it and am going to see an ortho surgeon as soon as my primary gets the results.so here we go for yet another surgery.This will make four in just the last three years.YIKES!!
sorry about the ramble there Cade, this is just constantly on my mind and driving me slowly insane(i was alredy headed that way, it is just moving it all along a little more quickly,lol)I;ll bet you are sorry you asked just how i was doin huh?But i am glad that you cared enough to ask.Thanks,i just had a really great catharsis.well, don't be a stranger okay? it is really great that you are back.really did miss our 'conversations"Take care, Marcia
Not insurance, disability.I don't think they even bothered to read most of my file as the left hand damage is just so severe and very well documented that it would be impossible for anyone,even someone that is not a dr to read all of that and think that it is totally useable.Every reason that they gave as to why they denied me is totally contradicted in my files.even the explanations from my drs regarding all of the symptoms and nerve damage and these horrid pain levels are documented by my other drs notes,even without all of the neurosurgeons info, they still could plainly see that it would be virtually immpossible for me to actually hold down a job.My sympathetic nervous system took the biggest hit in all of this and just about every bad thing going on in my body right now,all comes from that damage,You can actually trace a little trail when you follow the way the SNS runs throughout the body in comparrison to an impairment of some sort.
I am just so sick and tired of getting nailed with something everytime i turn around you know?my dr increased my lexapro as when i went to see him,I was just soo bummed and pathetic looking.He actually said that I reminded him of a little lost puppy.lol.We really do have a great dr patient relationship,and he is the only person who has stood by me throughout this whole almost three year nightmare of surgeries and all of the devistation that has occured in my life.I just want my life back you know?is that asking too much?it will never be what it once was,but right after surgery before all of these horrid symptoms started up, i was thinkin,hey i can deal with this,this is doable.but then wham, round one began and it has been one hell of a ride ever since.I am going to stop now as i don't want to depress anyone else,sorry.i should find out the results of the MRI done on my knee within the next couple days, i will keep ya posted,could be another surgery lurking just down the road again!!Thanks for caring michelle,I can always count on you to make me feel a little better about things.Marcia
Hang in there, Marcia! I have a family member going through the exact same issue with Disability- I actually can say I know what your going through and how frustrating it is. My family member may have to go back to court to get some "issues" straightened out- Disability is insisting she can do certain types of work that she can't!
I wrote this on another post, but I'll rewrite here- "The distance from your worst problem to the solution is the distance from your knees to the floor!"
my goodness, is it ssi or ssd from an employer? (you dont have to answer that) if so, if you have one leg and one arm they'll find a reason for you to work. And if lucky, they'll invade your privacy to see what exactly you're doing in your leasure time. If you can pick up your child you're workable, Sad enough they dont want to give you benefits that you've payed into after working for years. When I was on disability it was with the railroad, and railroad retirement was MORE than a pleasure. They take care of their own. Im sorry you have to go through all this BS. My pain is from neuropathy, I had a total of 7 deep scull fractures in the last 7 years but the one that got me was when I landed on the tail bone and got the L7, I remember landing on my butt and feeling it right in the back of my head and actually lost vision for a few seconds. I guess that's what got me into this whole mess, Im still proud of my clean 4 years, So stoked about having a daughter I never even missed it, I was on OxyContin/Methadone and Valium the whole time but never abused, it my last breakup that threw me over the edge, i always say it's better never not to have then to lose something you once had, I lost a lot of things, when you start thinking about the best times in your life from the past and you know you'll never get them back you either want to put a bullet in your head or find another way not to feel those feelings. Im trying my best though and I love a challenge, im 14 days no alcohol, I stopped smoking back in feb, Im fresh off the methadone and so far so good, but I dont know if i could turn it down so I kinda hide from it. It just seems everyone has it all the time. But I have 3 good friends that protect me I hope everything works out well for you, god knows I feel the same for my self, Ill stick around for a while, I pop up from time to time to help people with medical information. You can Always E-Mail me if you want to talk or vent....
Michelle, you're right, a good woman can be quite grand if you find a good one, I always choose the companion, im very bitter though, my last love said she wouldnt have a relationship with a user (when I was sold out by a shared friend), I said fine and checked in that day, but when i got out the house was empty. 2 weeks later I get a call, so happy to here her voice ask me how well is was doing until she asked if I could get her lortabs... :CLICK!
Last edited by Twist Of Fate!; 05-28-2004 at 01:32 AM.
Thanks for the kind words and reassurance.i can ALWAYS use it.It just all seems like sooo much to take sometimes.It is just regular disability that i am trying to get,and has nothing to do with an employer.
you sound sooo good.like everything is finally falling into place for you.i am truely happy for you,I really am.it is nice to hear that someone is having really positive things happen in their life,and gives me a little more hope that one day soon, just maybe,it will finally be my turn.I think i have more than paid my dues.
If you don't mind my asking, just how in gods name did you end up with seven deep skull fractures?and why aren't you suffering brain damage?(not that i want you to,it seems as though someone upstairs is really keepin an eye on you).what ever you did to cause those, for god sakes stop it,lol.you are one lucky guy not to be sitting in a nursing home somewhere right now.Glad you are still around cade.
It sounds like you have some really true friends hangin around and looking out for you.sometimes we don't always make the best decisions and need someone there to slap our hands and say 'no! Bad drug!!
I am glad things are going well for you,take care and thanks for caring.It really does mean soo much to me.Marcia
Hey Michelle,tell your family member that i am hoping that things go good for her,and shes not alone.let me know how things go for her.Marcia
Sounds like you need a woman like myself! LOL! I often have friends who tell me I spoil my husband WAY to much. Dinner is always on the table when he gets home, I always give him his "guy time" when I am the one left home with the babies, and I guess it doesn't hurt that I have maintained by high-school figure after three children, huh? (Sounds like I am bragging, huh?) Well, he never seems to notice these things, so, I guess it doesn't hurt to talk about them to another just for once! Granted, he has stood by me through me addiction- been great or else to busy with his job to worry about it! LOL!
What did you mean when you said she called for her lortabs? Didn't get that one???? (Mind you, I was up ALL night with a vomitting four year old, so, I am a little "foggy" this morning. )
Just a few thoughts on your SSI; I managed to get my wife approved last year on the first try. Didn’t take but 8 months of reviews but we did it. Didn’t really expect approval on the first try but I really did my homework, had everything well documented with an abundant amount of information. One thing I found out in researching SSI was that mental issues are frequently approved. My wife has many problems, cancer x3, lupus, fibromyalgia, and not to mention being bi polar. The main issue for disability was the lupus but we really emphasized the bi polar disorder. Lupus is a hard one to get approved so I changed our strategy a little. She had been seeing a psychiatrist for a few years but I made sure she started seeing a therapist weekly 6 months before I filed. Just one more stack of documentation to verify our claim. They could have cared less about her medical problems but when it came to bi polar disorder we got some major attention. To make a long story short you will need to learn how to play the game with them, find the loopholes use them to your advantage(yes I know that sounds bad but there’s more that one way to achieve your goal). Find out what has a high approval rate, see if you fit the description. It does make a difference based on what you‘re claiming disability for. You know with all your problems depression could be a real issue. May not hurt to take a different approach with the same goal in mind; you can always amend your submittal to SSI during the appeals process.
I had also decided that if we were denied the first round I was going to get an attorney to handle the appeal, 75% of your back pay is better than nothing. If /when approved you will be lucky to get 6 months in back pay so you’re not talking about a lot of money. Between my wife and my daughter she gets around $1100 a month from SSI; based on 6 months you’re only looking at +/- $1600 for the attorney with around $5000 for yourself on the back pay. Just a thought, good luck with it.
Marcia, I do have brain damage Although my hair covers them quite well, im very accident prone, The one that really put me out of commission was at my old apartment, as funny as it sounds, I was in a bit of a stupor and fell alseep walking up the stairs, yes up the stairs, that actually should have killed me, the stairs were stoned concrete and I landed on the back of my neck, when I tried to stand up, that's when I fell back down and hit my tailbone. The doctor left me with 60 40mg OxyContin and 180 10mg Percocet, Man those went by fast.... I really do have an angel over my shoulder, I always say im sticking around to for fill someone elses fate. Bitter much.... Things arent really that great for me though, they're just better than they were
Mechelle, Ouch, I hope your (daughter/son?), is feeling better. As far as woman issues, Im not your typical male, yeah im a beer drinker But I could care less about my guy time, My last fiance I was with for 6 years, she didnt have all that much, I gave her a nice home to live in, I always worked at home so I was the cook, im very OCD so the house was Immaculate, AND SHE WAS A SLOB!, We've been apart for 2 years now and she's still driving around in a car in my name, I was 19 when our daughter was born and I potty trained her fully by the time she was a year old, took that bottle out of her mouth at 6 months, Dont let me see her with a binky in her mouth! (she has beautiful teeth) She takes showers on her own (it's weird when youre a single dad giving your daughter a bath eek!) She starts kindergarden next month and she can read and write like a champ, She did nothing to contribute! One thing i couldnt resist, that girl slept in my arms until she was like 3 years old that was 3 years of me sleeping sitting up! (Im sure that has a lot to do with my back and neck pain also) This woman did nothing, and she actually wants custody of her, NOT!
But with the lortab thing, this was the girl I was dating after I broke up with miss piggy, We were friends for almost 8 years, I always supported her when she had a problems, she couldn't pay her student loan i'd help her out, she was fighting with her boyfriend and i'd let her vent. We had such a strong friendship (and I know this sounds funny) that we'd actually sleep and hold eachother and not "do anything". Well that came to a hault! My parents retired so I had a baby sitter and had more "me" time, We were dating so she kinda stayed with me for a few days at a time and then went back home for a few days, I stated noding off a lot, we'd be at a movie and i'd be fast alseep on her shoulder, I'd be driving and well... I'd be fast asleep on her shoulder. She just called me one day and said, ya know with school and all, and you having a daughter, i dont think we should get too close. I was like B*LLSHIT what's your issue? She just came straight foward, (she was snooping) She told me that I never talk about "my-self" (isnt that what women want?), you're way too nice to me (isnt that what women want?) and why the HELL do you have BOXES full of morphine and insulin syringes in your closet? (wow, i gues they dont like that) She knew about my past, we talked and I made a deal with her, I said, right now it's 11:00pm, I will leave right now and check into a detox, You have the key to my apartment, ill check into fountain ridge recover right now and you can throw anything you want in the dumpster. She said, pick me up and ill go with you, 7 grand up front, 5 days of hell and I can use the phone now, no one answers, 6, 7, 8, 9 days nothing, did my detox, and I left went home, my truck was parked there, and the ***** was still in my closet, didnt here from her, a few weeks later she started to call me, I didnt answer and she left me messages saying she was thinking about me, blah blah, final one night I was drinking a lot (and i'd been using at a record high) I pick up the phone and we talked for an hour, things were going kinda good and she just blurred out, "can you get Lortabs" I didnt think i heard her right the first time and I was like what? She said "I didnt think you would give them to me anyway"
Was that some crap or what? I hung up on her and never answered a call since. Well, I know somewhere, someplace right now she probably got sucked into that same hole I did... best of luck to her.....
Last edited by Twist Of Fate!; 05-28-2004 at 05:40 PM.