At the age of 21, you are very wise to see that alcohol is doing a number on your head. I know people in their 50's and beyond that refuse to admit that drinking is a way to escape pain, whether it be emotional or physical. Problem is...the next day, the pain is still there.
It is not a sign of weakness to admit that you are helpless to refuse when it comes to a substance that helps you forget for the moment. You are human and that is normal. My 17 year old son has a very real problem with other drugs, however he does not admit that he has a problem at all. He believes that his unhappiness and dependence on drugs is the fault of his mother, his father, his brother, the family dog and the fact that it's a full moon. You are different than that, because you are posting to this forum and you are wanting something better out of life.
My thoughts and prayers for you.