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Old 07-14-2004, 12:42 AM   #1
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ambero HB User
Question methadone -- addicted again? how fast? pleasse help.

I am new here, and I'm not feeling good; so please excuse my spelling etc.

I am a heroin addict, but I've been off the dope for 6 years. I did it through methadone, then eventually got off the methadone too.

After being clean for about a year, my anxiety was overwhelming and made me incapable of working or anything. After trying a million meds, we eventually settled on 20 mgs Lexapro (antidepressant) and 4 mgs Ativan a day.

I abused the Ativan; so in an effort to get off it, we switched to valium (10 mg twice a day) last month. The Valium feels awful -- like it does NOTHING, and I started cuttinging myself and shaking constantly and my anxiety got worse than ever. But when I called my doctor, he was away, and the doc covering didn't want to change anything.

STUPIDLY, I remembered that methadone really helped with anxiety; so I bought two bottles, and I drank them for the last 6 days -- about 35 mgs a day over 6 days.

Am I addicted to the methadone again already? I don't want to buy it again. I don't want to be addicted again. I will deal with the detox, I guess (meanwhile, the Valium seemed to work OK with the meth - surprise surprise.)

I KNOW THIS WAS THE DUMBEST THING I COULD HAVE DONE. I ALREADY FEEL LIKE ***** ABOUT MYSELF.

What I'm asking is can I do this on my own? Stop the methadone? It's gone, and I really don't want to buy another bottle illegally. I don't want back on a program. I just was insane with anxiety, and I wasn't thinking clearly (obviously -- cutting myself was a dreadful idea too, and a throwback to old habits too.)

I don't want to tell my doctor. I want to just stop the methadone and gradually decrease the Valium like we planned. I know I've made it harder on myself -- anyone have a clue about how bad this is gonna be? Can I do it on my own? Will I even have bad withdrawal after such a low dose for a week?

What should I do? Can anyone help? I'm in therapy, but I haven't told my doctor. I really don't want to. Any ideas would be very much appreciated. Even just support without ideas -- I feel like such a fool, and I feel really depressed over how idiotic I was.

Thanks -- sorry to be a downer in first post here. Thanks again -- ambero

 
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Old 07-14-2004, 05:06 AM   #2
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chefob1 HB User
Re: methadone -- addicted again? how fast? pleasse help.

i too was am in your shoes....youve got to rember youll always be an addict..your thinkin like one again...thats why people go to a/a or n/a and you hear they got 20 years clean time...youve made it a yeaqr...the benzos are not helpin...be honest with your doc...be honest with yourself...where your higher power...they dont leave ya..rember that...be tough my friend.....i be near hear if you need me.....chef

 
Old 07-14-2004, 11:03 AM   #3
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Join Date: May 2004
Posts: 263
mernee HB User
Re: methadone -- addicted again? how fast? pleasse help.

I agree with the previous post. Be honest with your Doctor. I can not tell you if you will be addicted again, however I doubt it, if you stop now. Be honest with your therapist. One of the reasons a lot of addicts have a tough time staying clean is they work on only one component of thier addiction, the physical. Addiction is a disease that has physical, and mental components. We need to get healthy physically and then work on getting help for our mental health. We are only as sick as our secrets.

 
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