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jason_1981 08-29-2004 09:22 AM

NEW GUYS that needs help
 
hey everyone here my deal i was addicted to percocet for over a year... to the point were i would take up to 15 a day and spend nights at the hospital trying to get more. anyway i decided it was time to quite so i went to my doctor and he gave me pills called NOVO-CLONIDINE 0.1MG i went home and started this pain alone with my family thinking i just got a cold. i took one clonidine soon as he gave it to me and i felt like i was going to pass out and my ears pluged so i went home and slept all night sweating..that was the end of day one. next day i woke up took another pill because i still felt like **** from the withdrawls( hot cold flashes, major goosebumps,really weak, and so on)i slept all day and everytime i went to get up i would get a head rush and feel like i was going to faint. day 3 i had a fever but did not take any off the pilsl that the doc gave me, i tryed to go out for a bit that day but got to weak and tired so i went home. day 4 of course i wake up sweating like everyother day but i dont feel half bad except my arm pits kept sweating. at the end of that day when i went home my legs were killing me so bad to the point i could not sleep so i took the clonidine and boom it knocks me on my *** out cold. day 5 i decided to stay in all day because i was scared my legs would hear again. that day i got the feeling again were i was going to faint and i was weak all over not like the day before, its like i got worse. by the end of that day my legs started hearting and i was so weak. so i took another pill to make me sleep. day 6 thats today, my legs dont heart for now but when i got up i had the same feeling were i was going to faint so i decided not to take a pill. right now my legs dont heart so bad but feel very week and arm pits are starting sweating again but the faint feeling went awayso im thinking the pillls are doing it to me. is that a good thing,

anyway as of now i dont have the really bad withdrawls except for weak so i think i am doing not so bad. oh im board out of my A$$ though lol

my question is this when i take the clonidine it make me want to sleep, my ears get pluged and will hear like a stadic sound, it makes me weak and i feel like i am going to faint when i get up. are these pills not good for me.
and should i just walk around normal and deal with the pain at night.
what do i do now..

oh and can anyone lell me i am almost done this

thanks in advance.
sry or the rush post i just feel so weak..will be more then happy to post the whole stoys when done...oh and im 22 if that makes a diffrence.

Banker 08-29-2004 12:19 PM

Re: NEW GUYS that needs help
 
Hi! Yes, it makes perfect sense. The clonodine you are taking is actually a blood pressure medicine that helps with opiate withdrawals. It will make you extremely sleepy... I'm assuming it's hitting you pretty hard. The reason you feel faint is because when you get up... your blood pressure is so low, it takes a minute to get blood up to your brain... SO... I would call the doc that gave you the clonodine and ask him if you can half it or whatever. Tell him that you can't function while taking them. Also... you are over the worst part of withdrawing so you may just take some advil, take hot baths (for the legs) and If you are not going to take the clonodine... then I know this sounds crazy but get out and walk... remember, the sweating is good. You are getting rid of the toxins in your body and I always think of it as a good thing. Now ---- to a much more serious topic...

You have to understand that the actual withdrawals are NOTHING compared to the emotional withdrawals you will have once you've forgotten all of this pain you've been through, which for most people can take a week or two or another month or two.... Bottom line is, you have GOT to get to either AA meetings or NA meetings so that you can develop a plan of how you are going to handle the cravings that are going to hit you hard really soon!!! Have you discussed a 'plan to stay clean' once your withdrawals are over? Oh, and you may need to go in to see him to get some tests done... it sounds like your pressure is going almost too low and you need to lower your dose. I know it makes people sleep (which is good) but it sounds like you cannot even function. What about work? What do they think is going on?

jason_1981 08-29-2004 01:00 PM

Re: NEW GUYS that needs help
 
thanks so much for the info i was going nuts trying to figure out what to do. i tryed calling my doc but hes now on vacation! so im just not going to take any at all, i havent today and the head rush is just starting to go away now, do i feel weak because the clonidine
i am going to take your advice and go out, at 6 i will go pick my girl up from work and go for a drive and a walk. i am not working right now because im a collage student so im on brake from my summer job and school, thats y i chose to do this now.
i tryed takeing advil but it did not seem to take away the leg pains before, but who knows i might be though that..i hope.
i dont think i will need meetings because i have my girl helping me though this all the way.

RebeccaW62 08-30-2004 12:46 PM

Re: NEW GUYS that needs help
 
Don't rely on just your girl to help you.. That is a lot of pressure to put on one person. Most people it takes a group to help. Plus you will need a sponsor. A sponser who has an addiction, who has worked the steps, and can help you work the steps. Has your girl done all this? Then, men get men sponsors and women get women sponsors for obvious reasons. (Sorry, I had originally posted that reversed)

Your girl may not realize it but you are dumping a lot of unfair responsibility onto her. Most people need the group. You are so special you only need one person. Maybe you can bottle your sweat and sell it on ebay as the only person who only needed himself to keep himself clean.

You, we, can't do it alone!

Sarandipity 08-30-2004 01:05 PM

Re: NEW GUYS that needs help
 
I am going to have to agree with Rebecca. It is selfish to think one person would be able to help you through everything. I liked the ebay idea better.

-Sara

RebeccaW62 08-30-2004 05:25 PM

Re: NEW GUYS that needs help
 
Sorry. Sometimes I reread my posts and they sound so sarcastic. I mean well, but I don't think I have to be mean about it. Sorry about the ebay comment.

Seriously, you will have a hard time or lets say a harder time doing it by yourself or with just your girl. I bet I can guess what you think about going to these meetings. There is so much you will learn there that I can't even begin.

A girlfriend can be a great support but she alone won't be able to carry you. Take her to meetings with you. Find out which ones are "open" meetings which means anyone can attend. "Closed" meetings are where only addicts attend. Most here are all open meetings. It will be good for her to hear what others are going through. She should also try Alanon meetings. That is where the other half of the addicted couple goes. She will learn about codependency and enabling issues.

I hope this helps. Please excuse my first post.

RebeccaW62 08-30-2004 06:03 PM

Re: NEW GUYS that needs help
 
Also, you are 22 and have your whole life ahead. Banker was right talking about the mental cravings. The physical withdrawals will go away but then you are left with the mental ones. The mental ones brought me back to using everytime.

I suggest you keep a diary of your detox. Next time you want to take a percocet, read your diary and realize you will have to detox all over again. For an addict, one pill is too many and a thousand never enough. That statement makes so much sense to me as an addiction is an obsessive/compulsive disorder. We obsess about the pills so much and when we finally take one, we can't stop. That is the compulsive side to it.

Usually, there is some reason we get addicted. Mostly we take the pills for pain at first then we take them even when the pain is gone. We take them for fun. Then they quit making us high, we have to take them just to feel "normal". Then we start going crazy protecting our stashes, always counting them to make sure we have enough, calling doctors offices, going to ER's, etc. You know the drill. When we don't have them, our bodies go into detox. I would do anything to get a pill to stop the withdrawals. I got to where my body would be in the first stages of detox every morning. I would have to crawl to the bathroom first thing, swallow a few, then lie on the floor waiting for them to kick in so I could get up.

I was taking 30 to 40 Lorcet 10's a day. I became a slave to those pills. I lost a lot of material things as well as friends.

Then one day, I got busted for forging a prescription (Don't ever do this). When I went to pick the rx up, the DEA was there to pick me up. Actually, I was relieved because I thought that this merry go 'round could finally stop. I couldn't stop on my own and I had a feeling I was going to be forced to stop. I went to rehab and quit for awhile. But that thing, that thing that made me keep taking them, the emotional pain I didn't want to feel crept back inside, and I started using again. I went on and met the DEA agent two more times before I finally quit (forging anyway)

You see, when we just stop taking our Drug of Choice (DOC) and we don't fill up that hole in our guts, we are what you call a "Dry Drunk" A "Dry Junkie". When we crave so bad and don't use that is called "White Knuckling" it. That is what happens when we do it by ourselves. When you work the steps and get those feelings out and above all things don't put any drugs in, we become "sober" or "clean". There is a diffference between a drunk and an alcoholic. An alcoholic goes to meetings.

The great thing about these meetings is that you will hear your story told over and over. Different person, same basic story. We are all so much alike it is scary. I was scared to death to go to my first meeting. I cried and cried. But the greatest thing happened. I woman came over and sat with me. After the meeting we talked a few minutes. We exchanged phone numbers and over the years, she became my best friend. She was a recovering crack addict. She has 15 years clean now. I have only 90 days (in a row) but I have been in and out of the program since 1997. Like I said, those mental cravings would get me.

You don't even have to think you can do it. The group can carry you at first, just as long as you don't put no dope in.

Good luck to you and your girlfriend. Let me know if you go to a meeting and what you think. Also, if you are an addict - go to N.A. meetings (Narcotics Anonymous). If you are an alcoholic - go to A.A. (Alcoholic Anonymous) Most A.A. groups here don't like us junkies talking about pills. They carry the message of alcohol and prefer you keep your discussion to alcohol abuse. From what I hear, most bigger city A.A. groups are okay about discussing drugs but see how the group you attend feels about this.

Sarandipity 08-30-2004 07:25 PM

Re: NEW GUYS that needs help
 
Im sorry that I agreed w/ her ebay message- the post by Jason seemed so bad re:"my girl is going to do that" Who Im I to judge. Im so sorry Jason and Rebecca. Im having an aweful day- and shouldn't have taken it out on anyone. :nono:

Peace and Love,
Sara

jason_1981 08-30-2004 08:32 PM

Re: NEW GUYS that needs help
 
well i took your advice and did not take the pill and stayed out the whole day and now tonight i feel good.

thanks for all the info but u got it twisted... my girlfriend is to do nothing but make sure i dont get them meaning she has to do nothing because i wont.
see the diffrence is i am not getting off them because i have to, im getting off them because i want to and thats what makes the diffrence. when i decided to quite i dumped 50 down the toilet went strate to my doctor and then home to bed. as each day passed and i got better i got more happy because i dont go through withdrawls/need them to live. right now i am so proud and happy for my self theres just no way i would take them again plus i never want to go through this again.
but if the craveings do get bad then i will take your advice and go to a meeting. there is a couple people that did it on there own with no help at all.. BELOW IS A LETTER FROM HER.


After seeing an article about Percocet addiction, I decided to search the internet for forums on this subject. I too, was addicted to Percocets. I had an endless (seemed that way at the time) supply of the #5's and #10's for a little over a year-taking up to 15 closer to the end of the "bender". A trip to the emergency room at 3 am, because of an abscess tooth, is what introduced me to these unbelievably addictive pills. I had the toothache of a lifetime!! I guess the Dr. knew it, so he gave me 4 pack of Perc's and a script of 30 Endocets to be filled the next day...and from there the nastiest habit of a lifetime was born. During the whole time that I was taking these, besides when I was sleeping, there was only about 5 hours that I went without (connections weren't home) and it scared the h*ll out of me because my body ached, I was very sick and I felt like I was going to skitz out...considering the most I ever "craved" was a cigarette. But as soon as I could, I got more and kind of blew off the fact that I was not only mentally, but PHYSICALLY addicted to them. A few month's later I sat down and cried and asked for help from above because I kept thinking back to how I felt that day and my inability to function without them, not to mention all the money that went towards that nasty habit. But my life kept revolving around them until one day the one person I got Perc's off of was cut off by his doctor, two days later my other source ran out and tried his darnedest for me, but could not get anymore. For the next couple of days I went through the most awful period in my life. I was that sick, I could not even get out of bed, yet I could not sleep. My skin was crawling, I had hot/cold flashes and had to miss 2 days of work-thank goodness it was a Thurs and Fri and that I had the weekend also to recover. But, after it was all said and done for, I felt great....I felt alert and down to earth again. I was so grateful to have my life back plus a noticeably larger amount of $$$! I also noticed how much healthier and younger I looked. What I think discourages addicts from attempting to quit are the awful recovery stories, that are plastered everywhere, about suffering and craving for months/years afterwards ....their enough to scare you right back to the supplier!! Trust me, all that garbage is B.S.! I did suffer for three days (the worst) and then still craved more for about a week and a half afterwards, but it honestly diminishes and as of now (8 mo's after quitting) it does even faze me...as a matter of fact, 2 mo.'s after quitting, I ran into the guy I used to get from and he asked me if I wanted some because he finally hooked up. I said "no thanks and please don't ask me anymore, I quit". I didn't regret doing that one bit, not then, not now....not ever. I'm not one of those holy rollers that go around preaching the bible, but I do believe that the sudden "cut off" of my supply was a blessing sent from above and I hope that same blessing is passed on to those in need it. Please pass this story to anyone who needs a positive outlook during their road to recovery. Just remember, in life, anything is possible if it's what you want or know you need...When I quit, I didn't wean myself or take another drug to ease the withdrawal, I didn't go to rehab, nor did I seek help from anyone. I set my mind and my heart to it and believed that after the physical withdrawal was over, so would be the addiction...and for once in my life, I was right.



oh and i did make a jurnal lol......oh and dont take this the wrong way but there is people out there that are strong and dont need help.

Christin 08-31-2004 06:43 AM

Re: NEW GUYS that needs help
 
If you can have a content and meaningful life post-drug-abuse without rehab and/or meetings, then you are truly lucky. There was a time in my life that it could have been me writing those words that you just posted...8 months clean, did it on my own, worked around the drugs every day and was never even tempted. Then I began having severe dental pain and couldn't afford to have the surgery (needed 2 wisdom teeth extracted). Thought I could handle the narcs, taking as prescribed, what choice did I have? I was in unbareable pain and spent several months working up to taking 1600mg of ibuprofen 4-5 times a day. Couldn't continue THAT, that would ruin my kidneys/liver/stomach. So I had it all figured out how I was going to control the use of narcotics for just a month or two until I could afford the surgery. After the he** I went through detoxing before, no way would I be stupid or careless enough to end up back in THAT boat. :rolleyes:

That's just a short version of one of my stories...we all have different circumstances that lead to relapse, but they all have a common theme: we were certain it wouldn't happen again. The mind of an addict is tricky...SO TRICKY...just because we don't crave today or next week or next year, does NOT mean that we are "cured"...the addiction will lay silent forever, but eventually the "right" mix of circumstances and reasoning and timing will convene, and without a strong support system or "program", we will find ourselves right back at square one without a clue as to how we could possibly have let this happen AGAIN.

Please, don't EVER take your sobriety for granted. If you cannot be convinced to go to meetings, then do everything else you can to protect yourself from relapse, even though you currently believe that you can't possibly go down that road ever again. Admit the POSSIBILITY that it could happen, and take steps to ensure that it doesn't. Keep journaling. Every thought you have about any drugs, post it here! What appears to be absolutely rational or inconsequential to you can be a big flashing siren to other addicts and it is essential to have this kind of "sounding board" to help differentiate between actual logic and "addict" logic. And beware of taking ANY chemical into your body, even if it's not your DOC...many a relapse has started long before the ACTUAL relapse because of the introduction of a different chemical that we didn't think we had any reason to fear.

Take care of each other, I wish you all the happiness in the world :)

fisherpard 08-31-2004 07:54 AM

Re: NEW GUYS that needs help
 
Dear Christin,

I am on day 13 opiate free and am trying to build a gameplan. I have considered meetings but they can not be a reality because of location and chances of losing my job.

I don't want this to be a religion thread, however, I once was a very religious man. I drew srenght thru my Church family. I was clean for over 10 years.
Do you think the Church be a aide for recovery? If I only had the faith I used to have, I believe I would be much stronger.

just wondering the reaction,
fisherman

Christin 08-31-2004 08:56 AM

Re: NEW GUYS that needs help
 
Dear Fisherman,
I could go on and on and ON about my feelings on religion...I have really been all over the map and it's hard to describe the role "religion" plays in my life today. I've shared this before I think, but I once heard someone in AA describe AA as "the new testament for drunks". I suppose that might offend some, but I really think there is some truth in that. :)

I would never have said this just 6 months ago, but today, I believe VERY STRONGLY that spirituality can play a hugely important role in recovery. Not religion per se, but spirituality. I could blabber on forever about the realizations I have come to in recovery regarding this area...

What type of church did you belong to? Were you involved in ministry? Please forgive me if I am asking something that you don't want to share...just ignore the questions if you wish...I am just wondering.

Fisherman, I haven't read all of your posts, but I read about the incomprehensible number of tragedies you have survived over your life. I don't know how to respond...I am so deeply sad for you, and I can certainly understand how you would come to question your faith. And I also understand not wanting to spend years of your life in therapy rehashing all of it. But my ****, man, you are ENTITLED to some kind of help...you DESERVE some kind of break...I'm sorry I'm not making any sense...I just can't describe the empathy I am feeling for the injustice that one person should be expected to survive so much.

I'll shut up now, except to say WAY TO GO on THIRTEEN DAYS!!! And one last thing I was wondering, how are you coping with your true pain? It sounded like you have legit medical pain, how are you dealing?

Ok Ok, one more thing...I'm sure I have become real annoying to some with my liberal use of catch phrases and the like, but some of them just really do speak to me these days. So, here is one of my favorites, from a Winnie the Pooh movie: "You are STRONGER than you seem, BRAVER than you believe, and SMARTER than you think". I know, it's corny, but I like it :)

fisherpard 08-31-2004 01:32 PM

Re: NEW GUYS that needs help
 
Thanks for your response, Christin

I was a member of the Lord's Church. The one he died for. To me there never was any thing denominational about being a Christian. But like I said I did not want to start any kind of debate on religion, because I believe also in our rights to believe anything we want to. I was raised Southern Baptist as most of my family but later in life did not feel like it was my right to "join" a church.
I felt like God added me to his Church. It was by his grace not any creed of men.

I have been walking in darkness for several years now. I was once called Barnabus by many and now I get leaders from brothers and sisters in Christ worried about my soul.

I played any role asked of me when I once felt I was a good man with a honest heart. My heart has hardened and I am not even a "babe in Christ" right now.

This all started so simple. I started taking drugs for pain and just plain liked the feeling. At first I felt guilt and then I would justify it by some means. Then I started running with old party friends on ocasion and as Demas
"I left my faith and returned to the world".

I am going to stop the religion part there because I don't want to offend anyone with my beliefs or use to's.

I handle my pain with gritting my teeth and tylonol, advil, motrin but I tend to have bleeding ulsers if I take too many.

I have been through alot since I was 15. My life completely came to a halt. I should have had help but I was way to "tough" and the times did not really accept it then. No sense crying my hard times. There are others that had it lot's worse than me.

Thank you for making me think about my spiritual life. It was important to me. If I could only walk in the light again..............................

hope no one is offended by this post

fisherman


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