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Old 09-02-2004, 08:28 PM   #1
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MethadoneSlave HB User
Unhappy Does it ever end?!Methadone W/D's! I'm so tired and want it to end so bad!

\
I did 10-25 10mg Lortabs a day for about 2 years. Then got on OXY, doing 2 80mg OC's IV about 3 three times a day at the worst. I did the OC's for about 4 or 5 years, trying to quit many times and ways without any luck. Then I started Methadone and could get by on 1 40mg waffer a day. After 2-3 months of doing the Meth I went to a MMP and they got me stable at 130mg of the liquid a day. I got 6 takeouts a week after 30 days cause it was a 4 1/2hr trip there and back. I staied at 130mg for a year and a half. Well last Thursday they called me for a suprise check. And I could not leave cause of my job(I'm a boat captain). If I left it would have shut down the whole company and I would have lost my job, so I didn't go. Therefore I lost my takehomes and would have to come every day again for 30 days. If I did that I'd lose my job too. So I thought maybe I could just quit(since I had not felt W/D's for about 2 years I'D FORGOT THEM). I had been 2-3 days without before and was fine. But god was I WRONG on the 5th day I got my *** kicked. I mean it came on slow at first that morning then by noon I was praying to god for death. I still had 90mg of Meth left and around three that eveing I took it. 30-45mins lator I got back alright. I knew if I didn't I would'nt be able to go to work the next day. So now I'm taking 1 40mg waffer a day(which I have to pay $30 a piece for on the street) and am making it but just making it. Dont know what i'm going to do now. I've been tring to find a doctor to bring me off 5mgs every 1-2 months from 40mg which I would like to take for 2 months cause it real rough at 40mg now. But I've had no luck. I only found one doctor here that does that and was told if I got down to 30mg to come back in 1 month and they would reconcider. The Meth has got hard to come by here and I'm afarid i'll get back on the OC's to avoid W/D's. If I get on the OC's I caint controll them like the Meth, you just lose your torlerse to them so fast. I've fought this fight so long and so many times that it has wore me down to where I'm real tired, REAL TIRED. At this point I just want it to stop.I really don't think I will make it through the W/D's again. It was different before when I had nothing to lose but I had a glimpse of real life with the Meth even though it may have been a false glimpse cause the Meth really had me worse than the OXY's or Hydro's ever did. Hell it was 5 days before the W/D's started With the OC's I would have nearly been through the worst of it. Really, really tired and wanting help but just keep coming up with one way out,and I want it so bad. Bad thing, me being the weak junkey that I am I just don't have the balls to stop this pain and downward trip I'm on. God I pray for a end soon.

P.S. Anyone that could tell me how long before it took for them to get W/D's from Meth and how long they lasted, please do. Any advice about quitting Meth would be nice too.

Last edited by MethadoneSlave; 09-02-2004 at 08:53 PM. Reason: Added Methadone in title in hope of some replys from Meth people.

 
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Old 09-02-2004, 11:32 PM   #2
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OneWayOut HB User
Re: Does it ever end? I'm so tired and want it to end so bad!

Heres a little encouragement because you need to just break the cylce you are on or else itll seem endless~

Ive never been through meth w/ds myself (but ive been through numerous other painkiller addictions, You are lucky that you still have the opportunity and enough sense to get out NOW. You say already that you don't have the balls to stop your pain downward trip, so you obviously know that the deeper you get, the more balls its going to take. Make it easy on yourself and just get out now because its only going to get harder and harder the longer you wait. You pray to God for an end, yet there is no need to because its up to YOU to make the change...and only you. Once you are over the hard part and see how good it feels to be clean again, youll wonder how you would ever let yourself live like you are now. I wish you the best of luck! Its so possible~

Last edited by OneWayOut; 09-02-2004 at 11:35 PM.

 
Old 09-03-2004, 01:05 AM   #3
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koffree HB User
Re: Does it ever end? I'm so tired and want it to end so bad!

well, i know you're in a tough situation. i had to STOP working for a few weeks, go into massive debt, and take a chance with so many things to kick the OC. i'm still on suboxone so i have more to go, but the point is i will do whatever it takes to get completely free of the subs as well. i mean WHATEVER it takes. because that's the only way.
my point is that there are a lot of details in your post. i apologize if i'm not totally understanding your situation, but my point is that getting clean is not about details and balancing various parts of our lives, it's about focusing on getting clean. i don't want to sound preachy or tell you what to do but you may need to bite the bullet and make some sacrifices you now think are not options for you.

when you're clean you can catch up to the time you lost getting there. and when you look back on it you won't remember the 'details' - you will remember winning this battle and doing whatever it took to own this victory. and with that patch on your sleeve you will attract new opportunities.

this is just what i believe and i don't know if it helps, but in the very least by posting here you can know there are others praying for you.

good luck, captain.
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koffree

 
Old 09-03-2004, 10:44 AM   #4
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MethadoneSlave HB User
Re: Does it ever end? I'm so tired and want it to end so bad!

Theres just noway that I'm going to quit work and lose house, cars and ect.! Damn you'd think that there would be more places that'd help ones that really want it. But I guess they think if your on dope your not worth it. Just don't know what I'm going to do yet, but I'm still tring. If I end back on the OC's I want go through that again, I'll die first.

 
Old 09-03-2004, 12:25 PM   #5
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fisherpard HB User
Re: Does it ever end? I'm so tired and want it to end so bad!

Methadoneslave,

Your post concerns me very much. I may be reading between the lines and you are talking about rather die. I know the feeling all to well. I am almost on day 18 of w/d's of Suboxone. It is still rough. I am not going to lie to you, however, it is tons better than day 5. That day I will never quit.

Why not consider Suboxone? After the first week if your doctor trusts you enough , they will probably give you a month's supply at a time. It is a little pricey but not anything near what you are paying on the street. Once I hit maintnance dose I completely quit craving opiates. I was able to get my life back. The w/d's are a little tougher than just opiates but they can be done.

Finally, I will end with what I really think you need to do. You need to find a good doctor and a treatment center and get so help fast. You are at a very critical point right now. What is your house, car , job etc worth if you are dead? Please get some help because I had so much more support than you and I did a taper. I am praying for you.

fisherman

 
Old 09-03-2004, 01:04 PM   #6
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Banker HB User
Re: Does it ever end? I'm so tired and want it to end so bad!

I agree with Fisherman.... My doctor actually gives me two refills along w/my prescription I get in his office, so I see him every quarter. They want you to be down to 30 mgs of Meth before you switch over but in your case, I don't see what other choice you have other than to taper on the forties, or cold turkey which is absolutely the last thing I would do on Meth. You just don't do it... Although, my 'friend' that used to help me would have to cold turkey and he would have to stay in bed for over 7 days.... then he would be o.k.... still sick but able to work a manual job, etc. I would try Suboxone.... Seriously, it works. NO cravings, no withdrawals... but it is also difficult to get off of. Think about it. But I absolutely would not cold turkey from 40 mgs of methadone a day down from over a hundred.

 
Old 09-03-2004, 03:13 PM   #7
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MethadoneSlave HB User
Re: Does it ever end? I'm so tired and want it to end so bad!

FISHERPARD,
I would love to try Suboxone or Subutex. Theres just no doctor here in Panama City that uses it. I've been tring to find one else where butb all have told me there not taking any new people and or long waiting lists. Coming down from 130mg a day to 40mg Meth has really made me feel bad, my head is really messed up right now, I get mad quick, some times I want to cry but most of all I just would like to take that last big nod. I'm so tired. The W/D's aren't bad as in me hurting I guess the 40mg keeps that away. Its so strang how much I hate this stuff and then you go to a doctor and they start talking like I enjoy taking it, calling it "my drug of choise" when IF I HAD TO CHOOSE it would be the last. I guess now I'm going to go spend my pay check on more Meth to make it through the week. I always have a lot of the OC's that's how I get the money to stay off W/D's with the Meth. But its starting to scare me having them and my head being fu(ked up like it is. Me and my wife are about to split up over all this and all I have thought about today is fixing up a hot shot and nodding away, I even think it would be peaceful just to go to sleep feeling good leaving all this pain behind. I would really like it if you could give me any help on how to find a Sub doctor. I really think I may be one that has to stay on something for life. But I need to be able to get a months suplly at a time, my work requires me to be gone 28-30 days then I'm home 14-16 days.

 
Old 09-03-2004, 03:38 PM   #8
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fisherpard HB User
Re: Does it ever end? I'm so tired and want it to end so bad!

Methadoneslave,

I know a doctor for you on the Suboxone but you would have to drive about 6 hours north I-65 to get in . She is a great doctor and specializes in addiction. She would require you probably everyother day for maybe no longer than 10 or 12 days. Then if she trusts you enough I believe she would adjust to fit your work schedule. Search the Suboxone website for Sub Doctors in Alabama and do a little calling you will find one close enough to make the trip. Take a couple weeks vacation and stay at a motel in the city of the doctor till they trust you.

What do you have to loose? You say you are having trouble with the wife. I was at the same place as you memorial day weekend. My sub appointment was the next week. It changed my life.

One thing to consider, which is not on the top ten list right now anyway. It seems to take the sex desire away from the man. However, I bet a Viagra thrown in the mix would stir it up a little.LOL

Please get help as quick as you can,
I will do anything I can to help,
fisherman

PS. I love Panama City and fishing down there. I was supposed to go to the Navy Air School in Pensacola to be a Navy pilot years ago. My uncle was a navy fighter pilot from 2 wars and had me a seat waiting. Unfortunatly , Diabetes struck me at 18 and my little dream went down the toilet. I always thought I would love to be a boat captain. I even threatned my wife I was leaving and going to the Gulf on about Day 7.LOL

 
Old 09-03-2004, 04:11 PM   #9
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beccajayne15 HB User
Re: Does it ever end? I'm so tired and want it to end so bad!

Please have patience with me as I have just registered to this site. I was put on Suboxone on the 16th of August while in a treatment facility in Vermont. They started me on 4 mg and when I left to come come on the 27th, I was on 8 mg. I still had cravings in the afternoons. I saw my new doctor yesterday who gave me 30 of the 8 mg tabs and 90 of the 2 mg so that I can titrate myself in 2 mg increments until I feel I'm at the right dosage. Since I'm new to this medication, does anyone have anything either positive or negative about it that I might like to know before getting into it too far ? I would appreciate any comments from anyone. I was on painkillers, prescribed AND "bought", for roughly 8 years and finally had had enough, thereby entering the facility. Thanks for any input....

 
Old 09-03-2004, 04:32 PM   #10
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fisherpard HB User
Re: Does it ever end? I'm so tired and want it to end so bad!

Just search the first few pages of this forum and you will find out about everything known about Suboxone. I have started and replied to many threads on this subject.

good luck withyour recovery,
fisherman

 
Old 09-03-2004, 04:38 PM   #11
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MethadoneSlave HB User
Re: Does it ever end? I'm so tired and want it to end so bad!

I'm thinking the doc your talking about is in B'ham? I'm from Tusculoosa. I added you to my buddy list but I still couldnt PM you.

Last edited by MethadoneSlave; 09-03-2004 at 04:40 PM.

 
Old 09-03-2004, 04:51 PM   #12
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fisherpard HB User
Re: Does it ever end? I'm so tired and want it to end so bad!

Methadoneslave,

i don't think they allow any for of PM or email listing or such. I think it against the rules of the forum. You have found the place to start your search for a Sub doctor. A lot of treatment centers have doctors that use Sub. If you can't make it through the weekend, I would start calling treatment centers and hospitals in the Alabama area where the Sub docs are listed on the site. It took me a few phone calls to find one. I was lucky by her not being too far away.

There is someone on here and I can't remeber is from Alabama and is on Sub. Maybe they can come to your rescue.

keep me posted,
Fisherman

ps I really feel like you need immediate help. Can anyone come to the rescue?

 
Old 09-03-2004, 04:55 PM   #13
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MethadoneSlave HB User
Re: Does it ever end? I'm so tired and want it to end so bad!

Could someone please tell me how much the Suboxone or Subutex costs. I've heard it pretty high. The MMP I was on was $50 the first day and $11 every day after or $77 a week.

 
Old 09-03-2004, 04:59 PM   #14
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MethadoneSlave HB User
Re: Does it ever end? I'm so tired and want it to end so bad!

Fisherpard,
I don't live in Alabama now, I used too, I have lived in PC for about 10 years now.

 
Old 09-03-2004, 04:59 PM   #15
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rockingham HB User
Re: Does it ever end? I'm so tired and want it to end so bad!

i was going to reply but dont have time at the moment but will. im real sympathetic to your situation. we have things in common. keep the faith.

 
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