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Old 09-09-2004, 08:50 AM   #31
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windysan HB User
Re: Need Advice ASAP- The rehab wants me there NOW, I want to go on the 17th

Okay....electric stuff....no problem there at all. Just remember how sick you are now....remember it always. Go to rehab and learn how to live without the dope. You'll do well. So many are struggling and making excuses not to get well. You are very wise for making the decision to get better. Don't back out. I pray for your complete recovery.

 
Old 09-09-2004, 09:01 AM   #32
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Re: Need Advice ASAP- The rehab wants me there NOW, I want to go on the 17th

Windysan and All-

I had an enlightening thought this morning. When I started to have my back pain 3 years ago..... I thought "If I take these pills- I will feel better- and If I feel better- I WILL FIT IN MORE- WITH OTHERS, AND I WILL BE ACCEPTED.

That, my friend, was the disease talking. Funny how the only thing these pills have done to me is push me further and further away from people and relationships. It has alienated me from everyone and everything instead.

I want to benefit the most from REHAB.

This disease is so tricky. Im going to be smarter.

Love,
Sara
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-Sara

 
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Old 09-09-2004, 09:58 AM   #33
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Re: Need Advice ASAP- The rehab wants me there NOW, I want to go on the 17th

Yes, you will be smarter. The dope will eventually turn you into an animal....as others here will tell you. You are very smart for taking control of your life.

 
Old 09-09-2004, 10:01 AM   #34
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Re: Need Advice ASAP- The rehab wants me there NOW, I want to go on the 17th

Promise you will stay in touch unitl I go on Friday the 17th?

Im scared.

Love,
Sara
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"I believe that friends lift us up when our wings have trouble remembering how to fly."
-Sara

 
Old 09-09-2004, 12:47 PM   #35
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Re: Need Advice ASAP- The rehab wants me there NOW, I want to go on the 17th

Sara,

I'm here for ya! Since I have no job I spend lots of time on the computer (probably more than I should...but that's another story :-)

Anyway, I too am glad you made the decision! I'm also glad you bought a few things to take with you....somehow that always made me feel better about all the times I had to be in the hospital for surguries over the years. It's just kind of neat to get to have some new "especially for rehab" (or whatever the treatment) things.

I will be in touch until you go and will be praying for you while you're there

Love,
Angela

 
Old 09-09-2004, 01:19 PM   #36
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Re: Need Advice ASAP- The rehab wants me there NOW, I want to go on the 17th

Angela, (The Wizard) LOL
Hi there I just wanted to say thank you for the prayers! I bought a poncho from Target today at lunch, It's chinelle so it feels like a blanket over me at all times. I want something comforting on me- God only knows how bad I will feel detoxing.


My boyfriend said he is gonna get a t-shirt made that says " Keep your mind
on recovery and off of my girl "


He was kidding of course! But I laughed pretty hard.

Yes, please stay in touch. Pray for me looking to God and not to pills. He wants me back pretty bad. I want him back too! The funny part is - I left his side, but he's always been there next to me- or my angels.

I know he wants me back b/c he wouldn't have put you (GlindaW), Dallas A., Rebecca, BC, Chris, Banker, Bigepop, Christianmom, Ex Ambien User, Goddessgirl, Injured Betty, Joe's Addiction, Fisherpard, Michelle, Twinlynn, Lisa, Strbay, and Bestfriend - You are all of my angels - because you have helped me in one way or another to come to my decision of going to rehab.


Please just keep talking to me until the 17th! I know I can only decide to go but you can help me by being by my side and being next to me at rehab (in some way) - your thoughts, your prayers.

With Love,
Sara
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"I believe that friends lift us up when our wings have trouble remembering how to fly."
-Sara

 
Old 09-09-2004, 01:52 PM   #37
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Re: Need Advice ASAP- The rehab wants me there NOW, I want to go on the 17th

No reason to be afraid.....really. It is not difficult. Making the decision to go is the hard part. I tell you....it is such a relief when you get there. Stay positive and don't be afraid.

 
Old 09-09-2004, 02:31 PM   #38
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Re: Need Advice ASAP- The rehab wants me there NOW, I want to go on the 17th

Windysan,

You are so sweet! I know you are right, It's just so scary to completly let go of my kids- put them in care of another, and concentrate on myself.

It goes back to that ole saying of why Im in there in the first place- If I dont go, I could lose my kids forever!

I won't get to use the phone for the first two weeks, then there is only one payphone there- for everyone to share, and you have to buy a phonecard ahead of time.

I don't want my kids to go up there. Im afraid them driving 5 hours, then seeing me and then leaving and driving another 5 hours- will be too stressful on them. Remember, I have a 3 year old (just turned three) and a 7 year old.
With pure, sweet souls. Don't want to do anything to change that!

Let me know what your thoughts are on that.

Loving you Windysan!

-Sara
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"I believe that friends lift us up when our wings have trouble remembering how to fly."
-Sara

 
Old 09-09-2004, 03:05 PM   #39
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Re: Need Advice ASAP- The rehab wants me there NOW, I want to go on the 17th

I don't want my kids to go up there. Im afraid them driving 5 hours, then seeing me and then leaving and driving another 5 hours- will be too stressful on them. Remember, I have a 3 year old (just turned three) and a 7 year old.
With pure, sweet souls. Don't want to do anything to change that!

Let me know what your thoughts are on that.

Sara,

I can see your point about the long drive and your kids. I think I would see how it goes....if they are REALLY missing you (which I'm sure they will anyway), but if you feel that they should come visit at some point then by all means...maybe they could stay in a hotel room overnight and visit some place fun so they aren't making the trip in one day?? It could kind of be a fun thing for them??? (I'm not trying to say that visiting you wouldn't be exciting enough, but I do understand how long a drive like that is...especially for young children. My daughter's dad lives a little less than a 5 hour drive from us and the times we've opted to drive her it has been a looong trip. We always stay in a fun hotel - he lives in Reno, so there's lots of fun places to stay).

I would also discuss it with whoever is going to be taking care of them. That person would have a better "feel" for if they should come see you. I guess it will depend a lot on them and thier feelings.

But, even if they don't come visit you are still making one of the best choices (and probably one of the most difficult) in your life!!!!

Hope this helps a bit.

Angela

 
Old 09-09-2004, 08:23 PM   #40
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Re: Need Advice ASAP- The rehab wants me there NOW, I want to go on the 17th

Chris,

Are you around. Really could use a friend right now. I would love nothing more than for you to wish me well before I go- and to talk to you to make
sure you are doing okay before Im gone for 32 days.

I will really miss talking to everyone. You have been heavy on my mind lately.
W/B- Let me know how you are feeling.

Always thinking about your recovery,

Sara
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"I believe that friends lift us up when our wings have trouble remembering how to fly."
-Sara

 
Old 09-09-2004, 09:35 PM   #41
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Re: Need Advice ASAP- The rehab wants me there NOW, I want to go on the 17th

Dear Sara...I am wishing you peace,love,sernity and self confidence while
you prepare for your rehab stay..I know ,Sara,this is a very difficult time
for you know, but trust me my friend-you ARE making the right decision !..
Remember a reply I posted to you awhile back saying that I would share
with you and others " my own rehab stay " many ,many years ago-eventho
I have never told a living soul..but I am ready to share that with you in
hopes it will alleviate aome of the anxiety,turmoil,self - doubt,etc that I
know you are feeling right now..I am ready and willing to share that as it
was a VERY positive experiience and kept me clean and sober for many
years..By the way I bought that CD you mentioned before to me and I
must tell you I have listened to the entire many times.. " Worn Me Down"
had me tears as it exactly what I felt,experienced with my ex...I love
ya gal..you have always been there for me and you know me so well...
I shall always be there for you as well..including-Lynn,Alice,BC,GG65d,
Dallas and all others here..However,Sara,as you know with your "sixth
sense "..I have a very special frienship,bond with ya that I hope lasts
forever..I promise to be here for ya on the boards everday-a.m. and
p.m. until you leave for rehab..Dont forget I am also praying daily,nightly
for you,your children,your family...I really care about you and will ALWAYS
be here for you...By the Way...I have met the woman of my dreams-she
is abosolutley incredible-caring,thoughtful,empathetic,intellectua l,golfs,
boats,and I must admit she is VERY attractive !...our first official date
is next Sunday...I will keep you posted !

Love Ya...Many Hugs...Peace...Chris

 
Old 09-10-2004, 05:43 AM   #42
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windysan HB User
Re: Need Advice ASAP- The rehab wants me there NOW, I want to go on the 17th

I understand about the kids. You are doing rehab for YOU and for the kids. They'll be fine while you are away. You can make up for the lost time. It is hard and you will miss them but the time should go quickly. When you go home you will be much more of a mom for them. Keep your cool for now and don't stress out over it. This is just something you have to do in order to be healthy again. They don't call it rehab for nothing. Easy does it.

 
Old 09-10-2004, 05:46 AM   #43
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Re: Need Advice ASAP- The rehab wants me there NOW, I want to go on the 17th

Morning Chris,

Everytime I heard that song- it made me think about you and your ex.
Then- I liked the music in it so much that I listened to it over and over- The song actually "gives me strengh". It makes a statement that yes- at one time you did wear me down, but not anymore.

Ive been wondering how is your back? Did your doctor give you specific streches to do?

Last night I prayed... I need one more sign from God that I should go to rehab. I know- the signs are all around, but I just wish God would give me one more sign - that my kids are going to be okay without me.

The money- 3 grand, will be here on Tueday, the guy who is sending it lives in British Columbia. So... I will have $ to check in, and $ to pay my bills- one month in advance.

Did you know Twinlynn was going for foot surgery today? I did not know until yesterday.

If you have an opportunity, please write me back today.

Yes, Im using my sixth sense more than ever- thats why I can feel when you are either sad- or getting inside your own head.

Yes, we will always be friends. I will always be here to help you, or just listen.
Friends do that ya know!

Off to work.

Love,

SARA
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"I believe that friends lift us up when our wings have trouble remembering how to fly."
-Sara

 
Old 09-10-2004, 05:51 AM   #44
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Re: Need Advice ASAP- The rehab wants me there NOW, I want to go on the 17th

Chris,
I just read the part about next Sunday. Just another reason to do your excercises, get healthy, and stick to your plan!
I am so happy for you. She sounds very smart and caring- and being beautiful is a bonus! I hope it goes well.


Windysan,
Im trying to take it easy. Thanks for the reply. What do you think about the kids going up there to visit me?

Love,

Sara
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"I believe that friends lift us up when our wings have trouble remembering how to fly."
-Sara

 
Old 09-10-2004, 06:44 AM   #45
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Re: Need Advice ASAP- The rehab wants me there NOW, I want to go on the 17th

Dear Sara:

Oh how I have thought about you these past few days. I feel terrible about not responding to you sooner during this deeply emotional and trying time for you. The truth is...I simply could not find the right words to say to you. I was afraid that what I would say would sway you one way or another, and I feel this decision of going into rehab must be your decision, and yours only. It is only when you want recovery badly enough that you will fight with all your heart and soul to make it happen.

I feel so bad for you and what you have tried to sort through in your mind, especially leaving your kids for 32 days. I can't ever pretend to really know what it is like to be a single parent. I've often made comments about feeling like I'm a single parent because of my husband's work schedule. But I have to say that when he is at home, he devotes himself fully and completely to our kids and our family. You don't get that kind of "break", so I can't compare what I am feeling to your reality of the enormous undertaking of single parenting. Even if you love them to death, and I know you do, you eventually need some time to accomplish things on your own or for yourself. I admire you beyond comprehension.

You are facing a great challenge in your life right now. I am not comfortable giving advice to people about whether or not to do "this" or "that" when it comes to their recovery. I am a firm believer that recovery is an extremely individual choice. We all have different backgrounds and circumstances, varying drugs of choice and lengths of use. Some of us are fortunate to have a network of supportive people surrounding us, while others are forced to face their recovery on their own, other than the support they may find at meetings or on forums such as this board. There are just too many factors that weigh into each person's choice, ultimately choosing a recovery/treatment plan that will give them the best chance at staying clean. When I had people telling me to go into rehab, I was like you....the thought of leaving my kids was dreadful, I couldn't bring myself to accept the fact they would be okay without me. I take that back...I think I knew they would be fine, it was me I was worried about. I felt I wouldn't be in a good state of mind to concentrate on my recovery while desperately missing my kids. I am one of those moms who has never been away from her kids. It may be good or bad, right or wrong, none-the-less, I was feeling like there was NO way I could leave them. I was afraid to share this with you because I didn't want to increase your fears and apprehension about leaving your kids. The point is (and there is one, really), I may have used my own apprehension as an excuse not to go into an inpatient rehab at the time, and I didn't go in when I should have. I decided on an outpatient rehab, even a lengthy one with long term aftercare, all in an effort to comply with my undeniable fears about leaving my kids. Shortly after my outpatient rehab/aftercare, I relapsed. All that work and time and effort and expense down the tubes. Gone. I'm immediately back to square one, taking my pills on a daily basis. The only difference now is that I have to be REALLY careful (and cunning and manipulative) about hiding my use. And so the story goes......I use again for years until I get arrested for forging a prescription. You know the rest of my story so I won't repeat it now. Looking back....should I have gone into the inpatient rehab instead of what I did? Would it have worked? Who knows....but maybe, just maybe I would have avoided what eventually happened. I'm not sure I really understood just how deeply I was into my addiction at the time I chose the outpatient rehab, and I was really quite good at convincing people around me that I was doing what was best for me.

I guess you have this week to think about a number of things. One being...if you decide not to go into this rehab on the 17th...for whatever reason....and you continue taking the pills....where will the addiction eventually lead you? You are way too smart to say it will all end smoothly with your own attempt at a taper schedule at home. I would have NEVER guessed that my addiction would lead me into such a world of lonely, dark, self-destructing, despair. I hated myself for what I had become. I couldn't look at my child in the eyes anymore. I feared my child would see the monster I had become. It is awful to live like that, and now I can admit that it's awful for the child as well. Like I said before, I can only offer to share my own experiences with you, good and bad, rather than giving you advice. You need to reach down deep inside of yourself and find the strength to make the right decision, and follow through with it.

In closing, I will leave you with this....I will forever remember that moment when I looked into my child's eyes after becoming clean, I had never known such complete and total joy because I was so comfortable sharing this moment with him again. It felt good again, really good, because I finally had peace in my heart.

My thoughts, prayers, and whatever else you need, are with you. Please take care, things will turn out................. Fondly ~ Jen

 
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