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Sarandipity 09-07-2004 01:16 PM

Need Advice ASAP- The rehab wants me there NOW, I want to go on the 17th
Please help!
I have Quarter 2 meetings where everyone will be out of town until the 17 at work. I need to be at work to hold down the fort.
The REHAB is letting me put $500 down instead of $1000.
They are not at full capacity now- that's why they are letting me do this.
Now they are saying by the 17th- things could change.
What do I do??????? They want me there now or by the end of the week.

windysan 09-07-2004 02:17 PM

Re: Need Advice ASAP- The rehab wants me there NOW, I want to go on the 17th
Go now. If you put it off then you might not go later.

Sarandipity 09-07-2004 02:28 PM

Re: Need Advice ASAP- The rehab wants me there NOW, I want to go on the 17th
When I get back, I will have been evicted from my apt. I have to pay rent on the 1st. I don't know anyone who can pay my bill while Im in treatment for 32 days. I know I have short term disability. But it doesnt pay enough.

I might have to go talk to my ex husband. He has money, but no sense.
And he still wants me back. If I ask him for money- I will be "in debted" in him.

Sticky situation. Im scared.

over 09-07-2004 04:34 PM

Re: Need Advice ASAP- The rehab wants me there NOW, I want to go on the 17th
Hi Sara,
Its so hard as a single parent to go to rehab and worry about everything else!

Be careful with your ex-husband. You have full custody of your kids right? That's what I'm saying. He might use it against you later if he truly knows that you will be in rehab. Not only that, it is not good to be "in debted" to him. I know how that is too.

Short term disability pays higher than unemployment. I don't know how much that is in your state. In CA- its $350-400/week Not only that, you can be on disability for a while, no? Like, few months at least.

Now who will be watching your kids? Can you borrow money to pay the rent? If you can, why don't you post date a check to your landlord now so you won't physcially have to be there to pay your landlord.

Another suggestion, maybe explaining your situation to your landlord about your situation. They can be compassionate and understanding too.

Maybe you don't have to go for the full 32 days. Maybe 25 days so you can make ends meet. You are a working single mom!

Good luck. Take care.

Love from Cali :cool:

RebeccaW62 09-07-2004 06:35 PM

Re: Need Advice ASAP- The rehab wants me there NOW, I want to go on the 17th

Sarandipity 09-07-2004 08:53 PM

Re: Need Advice ASAP- The rehab wants me there NOW, I want to go on the 17th
Im backing out. I have so many responsibilities that need to be taken care b 4 I go. Im crying my heart out right now.

Just wanted to take the time to say thank you for the reply.


DallasAlice 09-07-2004 10:04 PM

Re: Need Advice ASAP- The rehab wants me there NOW, I want to go on the 17th
Hi there Sweetie,

You are in quite a predicament, and I can understand the need for tears...let them flow and when you are done, get yourself together so you can figure this out, because my heart of hearts, I truly feel you need to do this thing now.

You have put so much time and thought and effort into this, the rehab came when the time was right, and now a few things have changed, but I so want to believe that things haven't changed so much that you have to sacrifice this chance to go to rehab.

Please don't think that I don't understand about the ex...mine doesn't want me back by any means, but he actually keeps a list of things I do or that he hears about from our kids (like I went to a liquor store and left them in the car while I went in, or I went on a date the week they weren't with me and wasn't home when they called me in the morning to get something left for school...just all kinds of utter nonsense), but the reason he does this is that he is constantly threatening court and sole custody to me. What he forgets is that they are 12 1/2 and 16, so they can have a say in things also, and I know they don't want just him. I don't recall how old your kids are right now, but if a court looked at your situation, I don't think they would upheave your children and move them out of your life because what they look at is what is best for the kids, and from what I've been able to glean from what you say, it is a given that what's best for them is you. Still, I also understand that crazy things happen sometimes and things can be turned upside down in a heartbeat with no regard to the kids, and I suppose that's why mine don't know about my addiction nor my recovery.

As far as work, what would they do if, say, you were scheduled for a surgery and needed the 32 days to have it and recover? I am not suggesting you lie to them, I'm only presenting that as an analogy to try and see what they can do to cover the work that has presented itself and is now a roadblock to rehab. Is there anyone who could fill in for you while you are gone? Have you talked to HR about this at all yet? If you have, I'm sorry if I missed it.

Ah, then there's the money. I don't know what to say about that except I wish we could "pass the hat" here and I know we could rustle it up in no time. I remember a girl who once posted a list of all she had to be grateful for, so now if you were to go back and either write a new one or read the old one, maybe something or someone (besides the ex...I wouldn't want to see you indebted to him either!) might come to mind? How cool is your landlord? Could there be any honest exchange with them about this? It just seems that if you were going on a vacation or were in surgery, somehow these things like paying the rent would be doable, you know? I wish all this were easier for you, I know how much you've been anticipating going in and getting this treatment. And I really do feel still, that in the whole big scheme fo things, this is still a very small "blip" in your life, but one that will change everything, and for the better.

I will keep thinking, aw heck...I'll be praying, too. I just sense your urgency and your need to do this, and I hate to think that you might have to postpone it when just the other day, you were "high" on just the thought of going to this place.

If I won the lottery, I would pay Sara's rent and send her to the rehab of her choice...

Love you,

lisaaahubb 09-08-2004 03:53 AM

Re: Need Advice ASAP- The rehab wants me there NOW, I want to go on the 17th
Hey Sara....i am worried about ya. It really seems like you need to prepare a little more, with work and the landlord and the kids. The end of the week is in a couple of days, could you tie up all loose ends by then??? I feel for you....
This is a heck of a predicament. Even if you don't go by the end of the week, you still have to start preparing....letting work know you will be out for "surgery" rent....find someone to watch over the kiddies. I would be careful what you tell your ex...he does sound like a snake.
I will pray for you, this will all work out. God has a funny way of helping us along. Rehab is gonna totally change your life for the better. One month, for the rest of your life!!!! :)
I wish you well and you will be in my prayers.

windysan 09-08-2004 04:58 AM

Re: Need Advice ASAP- The rehab wants me there NOW, I want to go on the 17th
If that is the case then just get your stuff in order and go when you can. Make the decision to go, pay your rent and tend to your duties, then go. Don't change your mind when the time comes.

Twinlynn 09-08-2004 06:08 AM

Re: Need Advice ASAP- The rehab wants me there NOW, I want to go on the 17th
Sara -

I've debated whether to mention this or not....because I do believe rehab will make a world of difference for you....But.....I do want to tell you something that conerned me.

I was rather taken aback that a clinic (already charging $10,000) would introduce the "fear tactic" in its efforts to get you to sign on. This "we may not have any spaces left"--whether it is true or not--is an unprofessional approach from a healthcare institute. You are not debating whether to hop aboard a cruise for sun and fun. You are making one of the biggest decisions of your life.

This "hurry, hurry" attitude from your clinic is disturbing to me. They are, in a sense, threatening you that if you don't put your money down fast may be too late. From my experience with a relative at an in-patient clinic...this is NOT the way incoming patients are approached...I have not heard a similar story of this sort of technique to frighten already fragile souls with "consequences" if they do not make up their minds quickly enough.

You ARE in a fragile state right now--emotionally--and, now, suddenly having to arrange for a 32 days departure that will need ahead-of-time sorting out from kids, to electricity bills ,to letting folks know where you are, to stopping the mail, etc, etc. All the necessary phone calls you must make..and and tasks you must take care of before leaving. Going away for this long rehab is going to take enough from you phsycially and mentally--without the added worry, while you are there, of suddenly remembering "Oh, ****.....X,Y and Z" weren't done!"

Please do not think for a moment that I don't want you to go to rehab. YES--I do hope you will decide to go!! BUT--

--you FIRST need to write out and work through a "To Do" list of practical necessities, like (i.e., Should you ask a friend to stop by your house from time to time to make sure your home doesn't look too attractively "unlived in" by "passers-by"."

--then, confirm with the rehab clinic that you are sticking to your original dates--that you MUST have this minimal time to "get your affairs in order" for being out of town for so long. (I would ALSO feel like telling them that you do NOT appreciate their use of "bargaining" chips in a decision as serious as the one you are making...that their "Act NOW--while beds are STILL AVAILABLE!!" should be the sales technique of mattress salesmen--NOT caring, professional rehab doctors and their representatives!!.) There is ALWAYS time for "thought" before committing to such an emotional--and expensive!!--decision. They may be the best clinic in America...but their's is NOT a reassuring medical approach.

--Lastly, while waiting for the originally suggested rehab period to begin, ask yourself one last time if you feel you have tackled and thought out all the issues that were worrying you. You want to enter this rehab filled with hope and ready to fight for YOURSELF. This is not the time for distractions of any sort to make your journey any more difficult!

Anyway, Sara....I just cannot put into words all that I feel for you, as you stand at the crossing point of this very scary, but very life-affirming bridge.

This has to be YOUR decision....and NOT one hinging on "bed threats"--be they real or not. This is the time to listen to your gut instinct--and then think through the question of "WHY is this my gut instinct?." Then, once you can answer will be just the right time...for just the right plan...for YOU. :-)

You know how much I am rooting for you, Sara!!! :-) xxxxx

Tim4:9 09-08-2004 07:07 AM

Re: Need Advice ASAP- The rehab wants me there NOW, I want to go on the 17th
Are you willing to do anything to get claen and sober? If you say yes then you know you should go.

Sarandipity 09-08-2004 08:50 AM

Re: Need Advice ASAP- The rehab wants me there NOW, I want to go on the 17th
Hi Everyone! I first want to tell you the update, I called my ex boyfriend, the one who's been to LaHacienda, and told him what was going on. He took me 5 hours to visit the place- thats when I got really scared and I made a list of all the obsticles, the ex husband who still wants me back and is still stalking me and would basically do anything to get me back, coming up with the money to pay my bills a month ahead of time so I can go can be focused while Im there (3 grand), and lastly finding someone who would understand my pain in my back and do something about it- like rent me a portable tens unit. And the last thing is finding someone who would take care of my kids for 32 days (Not to get off the subject but let me tell ya... I bet I will be appreciated when I get back! If my sister takes care of them.. she will be so thankful when I come home, if my ex husband takes them I bet he will RUN to the golfcourse when I get home.) And... I know this sounds crazy- but since Im a single parent- I want to know that if I died, my kids would be taken care of!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Back to my ex boyfriend taking me to La Ha for a tour... I called him yesterday after the woman from the La Ha in Houston called me and said I had to come now if I wanted to get the "deal.". (HOW UNLOVING & CRASS)
I told him IM NOT GOING- I was crying my eyes out. I told him "there are too many obsticles" This is the guy Ive been dating for two years off and on. Is is a recovering alcoholic and coke addict. He has been in recovery for a year this October. Anyway- when we first met, he went to the Bahamas w/ a guy in which they did coke the entire time. Crack and coke. It was is RELAPSE.
I had NO idea he ever used. He hid it well. To make a long story short...
When I called him and said IM NOT GOING TO REHAB becuase I don't have 3 grand. He said "I can take out a loan" I said I can't pay you back. I will be paying the 10 grand in payments for the next 5 years. We left it at that- I was not going.

Well, ya know the guy he was partying at the Bahamas with? He is Western Union- ing 3 grand to him today! No strings attached. He was honest- told him what was going on- and he offered to pay for it.

My ex boyfriend was doing crack for one week strait- didn't eat, was throwing up, sitting on the couch, frozen- and detoxed alone for two days b 4 his Dad came and got him and took him to La ha 5 hours away- and paid
18 grand in cash. I don't know what's worse- knowing you are going and anticipating all your responsibilites or just partying all the way up to the time you go in.

I agree with you, the fact that they tried to push me turns me off. Do I really want to judge the entire facility by that though? I agree- she probably gets it from the top "we have empy beds- make deals and get em in now."

Passing the hat? You have got to be one of the sweetest people Ive ever come across in my life and Im sure someday- whether it be in heven, the next life or a chance meeting, It will happen. BTW, my kids are 3 and 7.
I would give my last dime to someone who needed help- and I love people who would do the same. Believe me- just the thought of passing the hat....

No, I havent prayed about "getting the money, my ex leaving me alone, or trying to take my kids" Ya know when you just throw up your hands and you feel like youve done everything in your power to get to a spot you never thought you be at? Well, I was there, and felt it was a sign that this lady called me and said you can't go on the 17th, you have to go now. So praying was not for me. That's why I need rehab, I need to put my fears into God and not pop a pill b/c Im hurting. The slimey snake was a great analogy.
I would DIE without my kids. Even if I went to rehab and came out realizing I could trust people again, and then my some slimey judge took my kids away- I would literally die. I could not live w/o my babbies. I am doing this for them to show them that no matter how much trouble you are in, don't keep it inside. It's okay to tell someone and seek help. I want them to know you never have to suffer alone. The evil is in the secrect. Chris taught me that when she told me how her father died.

I know... I will do everything I can to "be carefull" I know you know what I mean... I thank you for truly praying for me. I already found someone to go by by house and feed my birds, vacuum, dust, check my mail, and make my house looked "lived in" from the outside. When is your dentist appt? Dont think I don't pray for you too! I keep up w/ what's goin on!

Love you,
Ive got some decisions to make.

Twinlynn 09-08-2004 09:54 AM

Re: Need Advice ASAP- The rehab wants me there NOW, I want to go on the 17th
Sara -

PS - I've just reread my post to you...and I worry that I did not emphasize enough just how POSITIVE--and how--BRAVE--this step is that you are taking. Just the fact that you are seriously even considering Rehab is proof that you've chosen to move out from under this shadow we hide in.

The whole Rehab experience--sharing your feelings with those at the same crossroads as yourself--is bound to be less lonely than facing it on your own. (Here is where I have such respect for Lisa. Addiction, itself, is such a lonely disease...but changing course, as Lisa did...and facing withdrawals with no one to support her--THAT is unimaginable. :-( I think about that a lot.)

So--Sara--I did not mean to sound at ALL negative about the Rehab clinic. I just wanted to be certain that you understood that it is NOT unreasonable to ask for enough time to reorganize your life, when--BANG!!--suddenly you drop off the ends of the Earth--for over a MONTH!! :-)

This is not a test to monitor the strength of your desire to get off drugs. It is the sheer practicality of the time necessary to change gears and put your normal life "on hold". (Even if they paid ME to do the Rehab--gave ME the $10,000--I'd have to say "sorry, but no," if I was given just a couple of days to clear the decks. A lot of people, for example, care for them food, etc. And all these crucial things need rearranging.)

To sum it up simply (ah...finally! LOL!) Do NOT feel intimidated about holding to the original starting date of the program. Rehab is all about taking control of your life and making good choices. Only YOU know what is manageable and only YOU know what is "doable" at such short notice. You should not feel pressurized to change your original plan. (And, here is where I do not know how "tough a sell" you were given. But it just made me feel a bit suspicious..."money in the bank" etc, etc..when suddenly, once they knew you were interested...the made the stakes higher.) But--that is probably just good old cynical ME--wanting to check everything out before I jump in! LOL! :-)

I'm just gonna end with this last bit: It is YOU who will steer the course of your new life. And you can start by simply choosing your own starting date! LOL! :-)

I feel this Rehab will be so good for you. must keep posting matter what you decide. You're bound to feel so anxious right now. That's why this Board is here!

xxxx your pal, Lynn xxxx

PS Am I the only one who found it weird that the Rehab Center upped the pressure to "act now"?? Is this standard? Are Rehab centers very competitive?? Just real curious.

Kastro2 09-08-2004 12:06 PM

Re: Need Advice ASAP- The rehab wants me there NOW, I want to go on the 17th
I can only imagine how worried you must be..

Only thing I can think of that can keep your apt, money, and job, is to just quit on your own.

The rehab is most likely going to feed you with mild drugs to fight the w/d effects anyway, why not try to muster all the strength you have inside and just find the willpower to do it on your own?

You will save your money, keep your place, and when its all done you will be so happy because you will have realized what an obstacle you have overcome.

Whatever happens, good luck!

Sarandipity 09-08-2004 12:28 PM

Re: Need Advice ASAP- The rehab wants me there NOW, I want to go on the 17th
Lynn, (and Jason)
Here is the deal, I KNOW that I will be a "marked" person after this. That is something else I have to deal with, My ex husband, and my kids (when they get older) knowing I had a problem and will always have to "control" my disease. The marked part is I will alway have to tell doctors, "IM AN ADDICT"
And people who don't understand this... they JUDGE you. Potentional employers will judge you. Trust me- in this large Houston city with 4+ Million people - Staffing is Small! Just like everywhere " It's such a small world "

I know I will save 10 thousand dollars but look what Im getting - the one on one counseling I need! I have been chased for 3 yrs by my ex husband. I can't live my life b/cuz he stalks me.

I have a horrible family- I have learned to fend for myself- THATS NOT RIGHT!
I should be able to trust people. I want to have healthly relationships, I want to look to God for answers and not cover my mental and physcial health by pills.

Boy do I have some big decisions to make.

ATTN LYNN: I agree with you, they were unsensitive to someone in a very sensitive situation. I could go to a less elaborate place. (Check it out- they do have a website) cant say what it is but Im sure you could figure it out.
Lynn- please do that and then post again and tell me what you think?

Should I go? Please, try being a 37 year old single mom w/ two girls 3 and 7, (my 7 year old will be 8 the very beginning of October) You have a great job, you have a nice guy who loves you very much. You have a horrible past w/your family (adoptive), you love taking vics for pain, somas to iron you out, and ambien to forget you don't have a life of your own anymore, you love to paint (but have no time to do it), you are athlectic, you have massive back pain and siatica, you have an evil ex husband who would do anything to get you back- and distroys your boyfriend's property-( which he has done on lots of ocassions and admitted to doing so.

Ok, enough. I love you Lynn, you are my friend. WHAT WOULD YOU DO?
I will never hold anything againist you. Im asking for your opinion.


Love ya,

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