Thanks Goddess for your reply and willingness to help. I am so thankful. I stumbled upon this web-site by accident and decided to take it as a sign I do actually have insurance ( I'm a counselour for adolescent's) I actually work in the mental health field...that makes it even more sick doesn't it? And I do have a lot- well a few people who are close enough to turn to, but I'm scared, although I'm not quite sure of what! I've been taking Oxy's and slowly increasing them for about year. I'm up to about 60 mg. a day. Chewed. I hadn't reliazed how much I was addicted until recently when, I looked back over the past year and reliazed how much they have affected my life! ( I passed on grad school etc.) I want to stop but I don't know if things can ever go back. It seems like life will never be as good as it was before or is now that I have introduced these "soul-suckers" into my life. And I dont know what to expect as far as w/d's go? Or If tapering is even possiable? I sort-of picked up in your reply, that you don't think tapering is very successful? Detox would be an option, but how confidential is that? I feel like I have let myself and so many other people around me down, that why stop? WOW! This is a depressing post, I'm usually not this down or long-winded All of these thoughts are just beginning to surface in the past week...maybe it's not time for me to stop?????? Anyway reading your reply was helpful, I was surprised at how nice and strong it can make you feel just to talk to people out there with some understanding of what your going through? Any advice you have or "words of Wisdom" or just simple support is so much apperciated. Whats your story, If you don't mind sharing? Thanks for your response.
I just read your post, and honestly...I can really hear the Oxy talking. I know that many of us here would give anything to have had the presence of mind to stop at a level of 60mg [Or equivelent of other opiates] Oxy per day.
You need to slam on the brakes NOW and get out. It will only get worse...much worse. No matter how badly you think you have messed up, I guarantee you things will get exponentially worse if you continue down this road. When I was at 60 mgs of Oxy per day, I was still functioning normally with it and was enjoying it, but it had me good and I didn't realize it until much further down the road. You really are very lucky and very smart to have started asking questions now, so please take the next step.
I don't know your details, if anyone close to you knows of your addiction, but get help. Tapering from Oxy by yourself will be extremely difficult if not impossible. I'm not saying you are weak or can't do it, but that drug is the devil itself, and it will try everything in it's vast power not to let you go.
So come on - start the recovery ball rolling. Get to an NA or AA meeting, start tapering, get into rehab, whatever is appropriate for you as a first step, ok?
Good luck to you. And YES...do see this as a sign.
And to others on the board: I see this post has been viewed a few times now, so come one and give SH some support! We've got somebody right on the edge here, who doesn't need to go down as far as many of us have. Please put in your thoughts, experiences, warnings, love!
Hi, so far you are not doing that bad. I was doing oxy's and was up to 220 mgs a day. First and most important, stop chewing the oxy's. Just take them normally and don't chew. I started at 20mg a day and you know what happens! I won't get into my story but I will tell you what I did about it.
2 months ago I went to the doctor and he started me on suboxone. So far this drug has saved my life. When you are ready you can do a web search for a doctor that will start you on Suboxone. They will want you in a mild withdrawal before starting. This is no big deal. I took my last oxy and 24 hours later I was in a very mild withdrawal and took my first suboxone pill. In less than an hour all my withdrawal systoms were gone and I felt pretty good. The next day I felt 100% with zero cravings. Its 2 months now and my doc wants me to start tapering off suboxone.
Tapering down from suboxone is a cake walk. But there are some withdrawals coming off the drug. I know, always a price to pay. But its nothing like trying to withdraw from oxy. Many have done it with very little problems and I will be next.
60 mgs-isn't too bad..thats GREAT!!!Cos coming off them should be ok-but i can tell the psychological aspect has got its claws in you..i can relate!!!
You work w/ adolescents..must be very rewarding-kids need so much support -my son is going to be 20 yrs. old in a couple weeks-hes a great kid..
Confidentiality issues regarding detox-you sign an agreement when you enter a detox/rehab-so no worry there..detox would really help you get started-down that long road to recovery-like i said-meds/supervision/meetings/therapy/etc.
If you have someone in your life-you trust-id let them know-if you are uncomfortable w/ that-a counselor/or therapist would be helpful-you want to get to the bottom of WHY you became addicted-and the emotions that have been tucked away-in the oxy haze.
My basic/quick version..of my addiction story-started using pot/alcohol as a teen-the 70's-you know-acid/coke etc...stopped all drug use from 20-28 yrs old..had my son at 25 yrs old-started smoking pot again around 28/29-thru 35 yrs old-im a musician-early 90's-heroin entered our circle-/bandmates-got addicted at 35 yrs old-got clean for a couple years-2000-2002-and chunks of clean time-in between relapses-still maintained the fascade of being fairly together-work/raising my son/etc...after the 2 yrs clean-i relapsed on/off for a yr-went on suboxone maitainence..im on a low dose now-currently tapering down..should be off by january.My heroin addiction did alot of mental damage-/finances/etc..i did everything i could to hide my problems-so to not involve friends or family-
I have not touched any opiates for a year-since being on the suboxone-
I would suggest this treatment for you-but only in terms of short term detoxification.They do a 3 week taper..but sub really is better for long term/high dose opiate addiction-as it is addictive as well.Similar to methadone.
I really think a week long detox-at a tratment center-w/ a good aftercare plan-and you could be on your way to freedom-lets face it-being a slave to drugs-sucks!It really is so draining-debilitating-and as you said-sucks the soul right out of you...
You got a great chance to get free-your dose is fairly low-but will be difficult-in terms of the psych addiction-and there will be w/d altho i don't know how b bad-you could give it a try-w/ a home taper-plan-and a week off to recuperate.
Let me know what you think-i gotta get the dog walked and off to work-
Hang in there!!!!