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losing therapist..HELP!!

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Old 09-15-2004, 05:05 AM   #1
Senior Veteran
Join Date: Jul 2004
Posts: 784
goddessgrl65 HB User
losing therapist..HELP!!

Hi friends-
Im really upset-can't stop dr.of 2 yrs..that has really been incrediable support for me-is leaving the hospital i go to-and i will be losing my link to 3 weeks.
I can't stop crying-i came home after therapy..and went to bed-never got up..woke up this morning-still-incrediably emotional.
I never considered she would go-(should have)..i feel like im alone again-i think my relationship w/ her was not normal(very dependant on her)..
She helped me so much-but im not done yet-ill be tapering over the next few months from the sub-and i was feeling good knowing id have her support.
This woman-guided me out of my horrible controlling family -gave me incrediable strength-to move beyond so many issues that have stunted my personal growth-we were just starting cognitive behavioral therapy(like SMART/RATIONAL-recovery uses-i could tell it was going to be the foundation of my recovery plan-GONE!
Also-just found out a good friend has level 5 melanoma-im losing it.
This is killing me-why am i so sad?God-im needy..its like the bottom just fell out of my life-i don't have family support-my husband is good..but busy-home late-every nite-my son..not appropriate to burden him w/ this stuff..
no parental love/help-sister is bi-polar-other one is a busy mom-
im lost..

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Old 09-15-2004, 06:01 AM   #2
Join Date: Oct 2003
Location: New York
Posts: 1,048
Twinlynn HB User
Thumbs up Re: losing therapist..HELP!!


Of course you feel panicky and needy, you poor thing--your therapist, without meaning to, has pulled the rug out from under you. You must feel so scared. And you are entitled to feel like this. But please know that you DO have a caring family. Right here. My heart just lurched when I read your words...and if that ain't a "family response"--WORRY!!--I don't know what IS!! Families are ALL about WORRY! Oye, oye, oye!

A couple of have worked with your therapist long enough to have at least a "base" from which you can continue working with another good, like-minded therapist. You are now aware of exactly what caused your problems. And...with or without this same therapist....that knowledge will stay with you and be fortification for any continuing years of analysis ahead.

Does she have any specific therapists in mind you might look into--therapists who follow her cognitive behavioral recovery theory? (Is this theory a "general" one, in that you can learn more about it, say in your community or on the net... and find lists of therapists out there, who use it in their therapy?)

Can she help you select the right person for you to continue your withdrawal off the Sub? Or...if she thinks that this withdrawal is too stressful for you to handle right now, can she find you a therapist who will continue the Sub for awhile, until you feel more emotionally settled?

You must have so much going thru your head right now...and all of it mixed with such depression and anxiety. And it must be so hard not to have a family there, who can understand.

But....please try to take things one at a time. Write down exactly what the changes will be--and how you can minimize them. Put down what is disturbing you the most...and possible solutions that might help. Discuss them all with this therapist.

You goals seem to be:

--talk asap to your current therapist, tell her of your fears and ask for help in
finding another caring therapist who follows a similar recovery plan to the one you were about to follow with her.
--learn as much as you can about this behavioral therapy your current therapist had been planning to follow
--when you do meet other therapists--"interview them"--make certain your "gut" tells you if you feel the possibility to "connect."

Even though your sister can't specifically change things, you may feel better at least sharing your fears and depressions with her, since you are so close. (And she may feel good that you are leaning on HER!)

Everything I'm saying sounds awfully simplistic---just "words"--but I know how difficult it is for the brain to process what has surely been a "shock" to you...losing someone who's been so supportive these past few years. But please remember, too, that YOU have been getting stronger, with her help....and that strength is going to be of great assistance to you thru these changes!

First and foremost, tho, I just want to reach out a hand--and a hug--and remind you that--for better or worse!! -- you've got a tremendously caring family right here for you!!

(By the way, I am so very sorry to hear about your friend who is so ill. Sometimes it feels like life is ganging up on us.) :-(

Anyway, dear Goddessgrl....I'm here for you. (I've not been on the board much since this foot surgery a few days ago, which hurts too much to let me sit for more than a few minutes at a time at the computer. So...if I appear "MIA"--I'm just behind you, squirming away here in bed, trying to find some comfortable contortion to twist into, and get relief for a few minutes! LOL!! But..I'll be back!!!

xxx Lynn xxx

Old 09-15-2004, 07:42 AM   #3
Join Date: Sep 2004
Posts: 77
octomon HB User
Re: losing therapist..HELP!!

Hey GGirl,
I know. This is very bad timing for you. It's a risk we always know is there when we get very dependent in a 'professional' relationship. Twin is right - she can and should be able to refer you to someone who will be great for you. I know that is little consolation now, and I KNOW it's not everyday you find somebody who really is perfectly suited to help you, but this is your next step.

All I can say is, and I know this is hard to think about right now, that this shift is out of your control, as so many things in life are, and therefore you must understand and believe the old but true cliche', that when a door closes another one is waiting to open for you. Your NEW therapist may turn out to be someone who will offer you new ideas, new methods of support, and actually may be able to help bring you even FURTHER along in your recovery!

And my God, you are SO blessed to have found someone that was able to help you through what sound like many important milestones in your life. Do you know that most people go through life having never found, or ever even searched for the incredible help you received from her? You have been extremely blessed, GGirl, and you WILL eventually be able to rejoice in this fact.

You are NOT lost without your current therapist. I know this because I know the strength and wisdom you have shared on this board which has helped others so much. This is YOU here. You HAVE in you more strength and tools to continue your recovery than you believe right now, but we all know you have them.

So go ahead and mourn. You deserve to, as this feels like a huge loss to you right now. But it will pass. You will get yourself together and welcome the next step in your recovery. I KNOW you will because you have come a long way and have incredible POWER. Look how far you have come! Do you know I am already a different & better person because of things you have written here? It's true. So don't tell me you're lost. I don't believe it. And you will own your power again soon.

I know it's silly, but think about Luke Skywalker. He lost his mentor, his teacher, before his training was complete, but he found out how much he had learned when he was challenged, and kicked BUTT on that deathstar!

You know you will get much support here. You say your husband is 'good', but so busy. If that's true, go ahead and lean on him a little bit more now. That's what our lovers are for, so don't be afraid to ask for a little bit more from him right now, okay?

You are a Super-Goddess and you WILL get over this bump.

Old 09-16-2004, 06:43 AM   #4
Senior Veteran
Join Date: Jul 2004
Posts: 784
goddessgrl65 HB User
Re: losing therapist..HELP!!

Hi Twin and Octomon-
Thank you Soooooo much-for your support-and taking time to reach out to me-i appreciate your help-from the bottom of my heart.
I cried when i read your replies-thank you for the kind words-they made me feel better-you know-im so emotional right now-it seems like there is so much going on-Thats life!Im aware..and i must remember to cherish this gift of life.
With a dear friend dealing w/serious cancer-i could learn so much about living from this man-he was a very hardcore drug user 7 years ago-got clean in AA-married/had 2 beautiful daughters-started a successful business-takes newly sober friends into his home-gives people jobs/a place to live-he is the purest example of recovery i have ever known-even now-he believes completely he will be cancer-free-and you know-if any person could will disease from his body-i think he could do it..The drs. are baffled-by the fact his symptoms are so sublime-when he is level 5-amazing!
And im kvetching about my therapist-how selfish!
Also-i just heard yesterday-that 2 people i grew up with died of drug related deaths-over the last week..
These were not close friends-but certainly people i knew fairly well-
The drugs...its killing people everyday..and we use them-to escape of fears/problems-and its just incrediably sad-
You know- im self-deprecating-always bashing myself-etc..even w/ the sub treatment-like-i couldn't just get clean on my own-but then i realise this is NO joke-this is a life threatening problem-whatever it takes to get my life sorted out-
I was cleaning my room this morning-and i found a spoon/w-cotton in it-in the bottom of my closet..i looked at it-what a reminder of days/years spent trying to numb the pain-of my life..and on the heels of hearing of these childhood pals-(early 40's)-with young kids..losing the battle..I wrapped it up and thru it in the trash-that used to be such a trigger for me-i find some empty bags-in a pocket/and go into a freakout-
I looked at the spoon-and felt ashamed-what a waste of years/time/ money/health/self-respect/
I really don't ever want to go there again-and i will work hard-therapist-or not-to learn my lesson-in life..i must grow up and not rely on drugs to heal myself-
Im not judging others for using-this is got to go thru it to get to the song says..
And i won't say never..cos i know thats too ballsy-
Im will remain humble and pray each day-for one more day-clean from heroin.
I will pray-for every person that suffers from addiction-and never/ever judge..cos we are all just trying to make it thru this life-w/ some love-some soul.
love you all-
Goddess bless us all...

Old 09-16-2004, 07:17 AM   #5
Senior Member
Join Date: Aug 2004
Posts: 121
Christine1984 HB User
Re: losing therapist..HELP!!

hey goddessgrl, My name is christina. I am 20 from Ny. I had the same situation as you a lot of times with therapists. I get so attached that when the therapist leaves i cry and cry and cry. I cant let go of them.. I came from a bad home too. Im still in that bad home. My dad is very abusive and very controlling. my mother is not part of my life. she hasnt been part of my life since i was 6. I grew up pretty much with out parents if you think about it. my mom dont live with me, my dad is abusive. where is the love. I never had good friends. everytime i made a friend they always used me, because I have such a good heart. You know what keeped me sane knowing that there will be someone always better than what we lost. things happen for reasons. probably she found better work. and now you will find an even better therapist. you know who i see i see a psycholgist for couseling. there better than social workers, have more experience. and can help a lot with anxiety and panic. thats what i have. i hope you get better. things will get better. Get down to your knees and pray to god. read the bible. I changed my life big time. i used to smoke cigarettes and smoke pot and drink alcohol. I stopped 2years ago cold turkey on my own. I got rid of my negative friends too. This helped big time... Hey you learned a lot from this one therapist and she helped you a lot thats great, but look at it this way maybe the new therapist can do even more. Think positive. Dont give up hope. Things will turn around for the good when you least expect it. dont even think about it, and when the time comes the right therapist will come your way. thats how i think. Im in college right now, cant chat to long, because i got a class, but send me a message. love, christina

Old 09-17-2004, 12:23 AM   #6
Junior Member
Join Date: Sep 2004
Posts: 49
ScaredHelpless HB User
Re: losing therapist..HELP!!

Ahh ggirl,
FInally my chance to offer some support to you! About five years ago I went through the same thing you are going through now. I lost my therapist, my guide after seeing her for three years. She helped me with sex abuse and rape issues I had as a kid, she litterally gave me back my life. And when I found out she was leaving I lost it, I literally could not get it together, I understand word for word your e-mail and what your feeling. When I look back now two years later, i have a different perspective. Try focusing on this. Though your therpaist gave you tremendouse support it was YOU not her that won your battle. It was YOU not her that found the strength to keep going. It was you that fought the cravings, that suffred the withdrawls, and that got out of bed each day and fought for your life back and won. Your therpaist may have offered her hand but it was you Ggirl that choose to take it and stand. SHe didn't clean you up, you did. It was your strength, she may have helped you find it, but it was yours and still is, only stronger. Ultimatley you are in charge of your life and what happens, for better or for worse, and you are the one who made the changes. It may hard to see now, but maybe this is what was meant to be. Its time now for you to move on and find a new guide a new support for the new issues that are in your future because you have conqured the one's and left them in your past. Its hard not having anyone to rely on, on a day-to-day basis, but you have the biggest family I have ever seen, right here on this computer. What your feeling is normal, it took me along time to feel the void that my doctor left, I will never forget her. Let yourself cry, don't feel stupid or make excuses, your loosing someone who has been your support when no one else was. Who wouldn't be emotional? Cry all you want, grieve, scream, stay in bed for a day, but don't for one second doubt yourself. DO NOT DOUBT yourself!
AS far as "wasted" time goes, thats one of biggest issues right now, I feel so guilty at the time I have wasted as a victim to these pills that still run my life. But I think you are the caring, supportive understanding person you are today becuase of what you've been through, I truly believe its through adversity that we stregthen our character, its only when our soul is tested that we are able to see how strong we really are. So yes, I guess in some ways alot of time was wasted and I am wasting, but on the other hand you were able to see the inner-strength your soul possessed, and that to me is worth all the time in the world. You are going to be fine, let yourself experience the pain without the shame or doubt. Hang in there and I look forward to hearing as you continue to succeed!

Old 09-17-2004, 04:54 AM   #7
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Join Date: Jul 2004
Posts: 784
goddessgrl65 HB User
Re: losing therapist..HELP!!

Christina/Scared Helpless-
Wow-you guys are so wise..thanks for the fresh insight-you know im feeling better about this change..i do accept it-and i know life doesn't end because my therapist has her own road/career..i was really just shocked/and sad-i shared alot w/ this women-i know she feels very sad too-she actually had tears in her eyes/hugged me-and we are going to spend the next 3 sessions-working out-the seperation.Its heavy-what can i do-though-
I got to just keep going-and take a break-and then start screening a new therapist when i feel im ready.
I was thinking-i don't have to go backwards-i can pick up where we ended-w/ the cognitive therapy-
Thank you again-you really cleared alot of things-in my head-
lots of love-

Old 09-17-2004, 05:19 AM   #8
Join Date: Jun 2004
Posts: 78
carly500 HB User
Re: losing therapist..HELP!!

Hi Goddess Nice to meet you. When I had to part ways with the best therapist I ever had due to insurance, what she taught me has always stayed with me. It has helped see things more clearly when a problem arises. You will never lose what you have learned during your therapy. Have a great day Carly

Old 09-18-2004, 06:29 AM   #9
Senior Veteran
Join Date: Jul 2004
Posts: 784
goddessgrl65 HB User
Re: losing therapist..HELP!!

Hi Carly-
Nice to meet you too-Thank you for your reply-i hear ya..i got really freaked out for a couple days-but i came here-and i got my head clear..its true-i won't lose the work we did together-i was very lucky to have her in my life-
Really-ive been thru therapy several differant times in my life-but the commitment was there this time-She is an amazing Dr...
We never posted to each other before..but ive seen you on the board..
How are you doing????

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