Of course you feel panicky and needy, you poor thing--your therapist, without meaning to, has pulled the rug out from under you. You must feel so scared. And you are entitled to feel like this. But please know that you DO have a caring family. Right here. My heart just lurched when I read your words...and if that ain't a "family response"--WORRY!!--I don't know what IS!!
Families are ALL about WORRY!
Oye, oye, oye!
A couple of things....One...you have worked with your therapist long enough to have at least a "base" from which you can continue working with another good, like-minded therapist. You are now aware of exactly what caused your problems. And...with or without this same therapist....that knowledge will stay with you and be fortification for any continuing years of analysis ahead.
Does she have any specific therapists in mind you might look into--therapists who follow her cognitive behavioral recovery theory? (Is this theory a "general" one, in that you can learn more about it, say in your community or on the net... and find lists of therapists out there, who use it in their therapy?)
Can she help you select the right person for you to continue your withdrawal off the Sub? Or...if she thinks that this withdrawal is too stressful for you to handle right now, can she find you a therapist who will continue the Sub for awhile, until you feel more emotionally settled?
You must have so much going thru your head right now...and all of it mixed with such depression and anxiety. And it must be so hard not to have a family there, who can understand.
But....please try to take things one at a time. Write down exactly what the changes will be--and how you can minimize them. Put down what is disturbing you the most...and possible solutions that might help. Discuss them all with this therapist.
You goals seem to be:
--talk asap to your current therapist, tell her of your fears and ask for help in
finding another caring therapist who follows a similar recovery plan to the one you were about to follow with her.
--learn as much as you can about this behavioral therapy your current therapist had been planning to follow
--when you do meet other therapists--"interview them"--make certain your "gut" tells you if you feel the possibility to "connect."
Even though your sister can't specifically change things, you may feel better at least sharing your fears and depressions with her, since you are so close. (And she may feel good that you are leaning on HER!)
Everything I'm saying sounds awfully simplistic---just "words"--but I know how difficult it is for the brain to process what has surely been a "shock" to you...losing someone who's been so supportive these past few years. But please remember, too, that YOU have been getting stronger, with her help....and that strength is going to be of great assistance to you thru these changes!
First and foremost, tho, I just want to reach out a hand--and a hug--and remind you that--for better or worse!!
-- you've got a tremendously caring family right here for you!!
(By the way, I am so very sorry to hear about your friend who is so ill. Sometimes it feels like life is ganging up on us.) :-(
Anyway, dear Goddessgrl....I'm here for you. (I've not been on the board much since this foot surgery a few days ago, which hurts too much to let me sit for more than a few minutes at a time at the computer. So...if I appear "MIA"--I'm just behind you, squirming away here in bed, trying to find some comfortable contortion to twist into, and get relief for a few minutes! LOL!! But..I'll be back!!!
xxx Lynn xxx