I've been wishy-washy for the last week or so about finally quitting taking hydro, and have posted a few entries here.
You all have posted excellent suggestions, I'm just so confused. I don't want to stop getting all of the benefits from it. I hate the very little time I had to go thru W/D while waiting for more.
But I know that I have to stop. I can't do this any longer. I haven't told anyone (except you guys).
I'm have spent all the money in my business buying it. My husband doesn't know. He has been thru so much *sheet* in the last 20 yrs with me, I don't know what he's going to do, especially since things have been "worry-free" in the last 10 or so yrs.
I think this is complicating an old eating disorder that has crept up with the use of hydro, so that doesn't help.
I guess I'm skirting the issue here...
What I am wondering. I will probably be out of drugs again in about 7 days. I'm currently up to about 20-30 10's a day (dang, does that increase FAST now). So I'm wondering how you know that you should go thru a detox program? Just because when I've gone a day without I felt like I was going to go crazy and going to die? (with all of the symptoms I've read about from you guys). And is it better to go for an initial assessment when you still have some in your system? or wait until you're 'drug-free' - although the thought of even driving in that condition scares me - or like I'll turn into mush when I talk to somebody.
Oh dear, I don't know if this makes any sense. I just know that I will not taper (cos even now, knowing that I won't have any for a day doesn't prevent me from rationing).
I just plain DONT know what to do.
any advice? please?
Try to taper your dose down as much as possible before checking into detox. Don't load up and get real high before going in because it will make it that much harder. Take enough to keep from being dopesick. The folks at the detox will make you comfortable. Doing it at home doesn't work.
I think you have answered the question "How does somebody know?" when it's time for detox, as I quote you here:
"I know that I have to stop. I can't do this any longer". "I just know that I will not taper"....It seems quite clear that you know what you need to do. In terms of being high or not when you meet with a doctor, it doesn't really matter. If you're not doubled over, sweating and jumping out of your skin, they assume you are high or at least have the drug in your system. I'm sure you won't even be asked. In my opinion it's very difficult to drive or for that matter do anything except be miserable initially without the drugs anyway. So yes, try to taper, or move your appointment up - just make SURE you get to the doctor/clinic. You are taking a LOT of hydro at this point, and need to make a move asap, for the tylenol factor as well. I don't mean to scare you but you're probably getting 2-3 times the absolute max of acetometaphin acceptable and are running the risk of liver damage.
Something else to keep in mind - you have a disease at this point. An uncontrollable physical NEED for this drug. Try to quiet the "What have I done?" voices in your head right now, and just focus on getting help. Many many people from all walks of life have been and will be right where you are..Phds & CEOs right along with homeless transients. The pills don't care who you are. You sound like you have a lot going for you. A marriage and a business that have not been lost at this point. But believe me they will be gone if you don't fight this battle now, so yes - follow your instincts to get help and don't spend a minute more wondering if or why you're a drug addict. You can ponder the reasons in rehab. Now is for saving your life, ok?