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Old 09-23-2004, 10:00 PM   #1
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psychbaby HB User
I just don't know which way would be best

Hi all,

My dilemma - as I've mentioned before, I'm addicted to hydrocodone. Average, about 20 10mgs a day. I plan on quitting. BUT, I keep going back and forth in my head about how I'm going to do it. That's all I think about, day and nite!

- Write to my internist (she does email and is a super doc! I love her!) and lay it all out on the table? Chances are, she may recommend detox, I'm not really sure.

pros and cons - it'll all be out in the open. Family will know. BUT, it's also a way for me to reveal to husband that I have depleted my business $$. NOTHING in the bank and overdue bills! I don't know how else to resolve it but to get husband involved. Plus, it's been hell not sharing - basically - not sharing much of my LIFE with the man I've been with for 28 yrs! And he will be eXtremely p.o.'d about that - that I've been hiding and lying to him (and screwing up the $$).

- OR, attempt to stop on my own. Just get through it, and not reveal a darn thing, and somehow build up the $$ again and hope it works.

But how the heck am I going to get thru the days like that?? Pretend to be a "normal" ill? For how long can I do that? How can I work? I've experienced a slight wd waiting for more meds, but even that was hell. I don't know if I could do it alone?

What do they do in detox? I read for one place that one of the requirements is that you've been using for at least a year... it hasn't been that long for me - maybe 6-7 mths. Can a person just do detox, then it's over? (Besides the mental part).

I know that ultimately I have to decide on my own, but I sure would appreciate some feedback. I'll be out of meds by Sunday nite! I'm afraid.
shoot.

Thanks a lot everyone!
~pb

 
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Old 09-24-2004, 04:04 AM   #2
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windysan HB User
Re: I just don't know which way would be best

Hey PB,

I've been there. In my opinion, the only way out for people truly addicted is detox then a rehab(at least 28 days). You can go the Suboxone route if you want to have to kick another drug. Detox then rehab is the best way to go. You'll have to be honest with your husband. The detox is not bad...they won't let you die and you won't be too uncomfortable with the withdrawals. Rehab serves as a "resting period". You've put your brain/body through hell and both need a good rest. The meetings at the rehab will help you learn how to live without the drugs and will help you realize why you did the drugs in the first place. If you are sick of living this way then get your doc to line up a detox then a rehab for you. Go DIRECTLY from detox to rehab....don't go home in between. Maintain your sobriety with meetings after rehab. Getting to the point where you make the decision is the hardest part...the rest is fairly easy. Cold turkey at home rarely works. Tapering at home rarely works. Suboxone is another drug you'll have to kick. Methadone is another gorilla on your back. Do detox/rehab and be done with it. I've heard all the excuses....money, work, family.....none of that crap matters when you die from drug addiction. Go inpatient and get yourself together. The longer you put it off, the harder it is going to be.

 
Old 09-24-2004, 06:00 AM   #3
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goddessgrl65 HB User
Re: I just don't know which way would be best

I agree w/ windysan-i would LOVE to go to detox/rehab-and get off the suboxone-get some real time in treatment-but i can't do it-because of my son..You see-he does not know about my addiction to opiates.
If you can possibly get away-and do it-please go for it-
I did detox 5 times-but they were one week stays-i need real treatment-a month of meetings/therapy/rest.
Detox is just that-not enough time to really heal-you go home sick-and the phone/the car-and $$$..not good..
Its like a revolving door-at one point i was going into detox-and meeting up w/ the same folks-from my previous stay-its my own darn fault-i just couldn't get it.
I may have to go regardless-take a trip somewhere?Business?I want to go.
I want to get off the sub and be me...no adjunct..no more...
Goddess bless us all-
ggrl65

 
Old 09-24-2004, 06:46 AM   #4
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windysan HB User
Re: I just don't know which way would be best

Goddess,

You can tell your son that you have to go away on a "business trip"(that is if he is too young to understand). If he is old enough to understand....then you might want to tell him and just go. Hell is not fun.

 
Old 09-24-2004, 07:56 AM   #5
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Cali... HB User
Re: I just don't know which way would be best

ggrl65,

a goint pointer from Windysan. I only wish I could have gone to rehab. I think they can really help you there if you can afford it.

 
Old 09-24-2004, 09:54 AM   #6
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psychbaby HB User
Re: I just don't know which way would be best

dangdangdang!

I know I have to do it! I have a kazillion reasons why it would be extremely difficult - 89 yr old dad-in-law lives w/us, can't leave him alone all of those days... maybe husband will take vacation time while I'm in detox?

What's kind of weird, and why I feel disconnected from the "drug addict" thing... for many, many years I was psychologically messed up and was in psych inpatients for suicide attempts, eating d/o treatment, post-trauma (incest survivor) treatment... many were in the day when 30 days inpatient was the norm (insurance went along with everything). So I've been thru it all. My last suicide attempt was the "end of an era" (10 yrs ago). They did CPR and even asked my husband if he wanted to donate my organs! That was while I was in therapy for eating disorder and was disgusted with myself and just wanted it to stop!

Since then, I've gotten my life together (again). Started a successful home business and continue to work at a hospital part time (yes, I'm on hydro while working on patients!). I got hooked on the great feeling after the dentist (like so many other people I'm sure).

I've been *DONE* with psycho-babble therapy for a long time now. After all, there's only so many years that one can moan and groan about "oh dear me, my dad was an ***, I was abused, what to do, what to do.." and I'd like to think that I have come a long way. I know that I have. I am stronger, more assertive, and I really have no self-hate in that I want to kill myself to get away from the mess I'm in right now.

It's as if this drug addiction is just an "inconvenience." I know that it's more than that. I know that I still have issues all around - shop too much, eat too little - an "addictive personality" I guess you could say. And I know by saying that, it doesn't make it ok.

My point? I don't want to go thru the whole 'rehab' thing, or meetings. I just want to be UN-addicted. I think I would be fine with that, just to be free of hydro addiction - the physical part, and I know I'd have to keep up with the mental part...

ugh. What a pain in the arse.

Thanks for your suggestions you guys. Still just don't know what I will wind up doing, altho I'm leaning more towards the detox... I don't want to freak out while withdrawing....

~pb

 
Old 09-24-2004, 03:34 PM   #7
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bluejulie5 HB User
Re: I just don't know which way would be best

You will not be able to taper down on the pills.

Go get help.
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julie

 
Old 09-24-2004, 03:37 PM   #8
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windysan HB User
Re: I just don't know which way would be best

Sounds like you've been close enough to "the program" to deal with the mental stuff later. Go get detoxed then, if you start to get the urge to use again, go to a bunch of meetings. I agree about the psycho-babble. Just get detoxed....it ain't that hard. Do it before you change your mind.

 
Old 09-24-2004, 05:10 PM   #9
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jenny1973 HB User
Re: I just don't know which way would be best

You know everyones situations are different and we all have to do what is best for not only us, but our families as well. There are so many routes you can take, but the one thing you cannot do this without is the support of your family/friends. It was the hardest thing for me to have to tell my husband and children but I had too. It was the first real step for me and once everything was out in the open there was no turning back. I only did a 7 day detox because I have 3 young children and it would have been impossible to be gone 1 month. I still went to groups, counseling, meditation ect those 7 days and I just had to take the info I recieved and run with it once I got home. I told everyone in my family and my close friends and they were all so supportive. I came home and got a sponser..went to meetings for the first month and so far so good. Its been almost 6 months and everyday is still a struggle, but I am hydro free and thats what counts. Best advice I can give you is be honest with your family. If you harbor the guilt and try to get clean at the same time you will relapse. You need to let out the secrets, get clean and then rebuild your relationship, finances slowly but surely at a rate you can cope with. It won't be easy, but it can be done. Try not to think of the big picture and just take one step at a time. I wish you the best of luck!
Jenny

 
Old 09-24-2004, 05:45 PM   #10
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psychbaby HB User
Re: I just don't know which way would be best

Well, I did it. Made the first step and emailed my doctor. Told her everything.

whew, I'm nervous!

Thanks all!
~pb

 
Old 09-24-2004, 07:30 PM   #11
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marich101 HB User
Re: I just don't know which way would be best

pb,
I was told about a rapid detox from "a friend of a friend" so wouldn't swear to it. I remember it was big bucks. They keep you out of it for the worst part and I believe give you something to make the detox go faster. Again the $$$$ is all I really remember and it wasn't 1st hand information so can't speak with any real knowledge. May be something you might want to check out............
Marilyn

 
Old 09-25-2004, 06:31 AM   #12
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goddessgrl65 HB User
Re: I just don't know which way would be best

Good for you-on comin' clean w/ your dr...its the first step..
Rapid detox is a waste of big bucks..for most-its not if it works-but for the few i knew that tried it-they were really ill afterwards and ended up using again-it depends on how strong you are-mentally/physically..
Good ole fashioned detox will work well-if you work it..
You don't feel so hot afterwards-residual w/d symptoms-but it sure beats cold turkey and you do get a chance to get some meetings/therapy etc in-for support.
Plus-being medicated and supervised helps alot..
Good luck-you can do it!
ggrl65

 
Old 09-25-2004, 06:59 AM   #13
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windysan HB User
Re: I just don't know which way would be best

I had a friend do rapid detox for iv morphine addiction. It worked well for him but the "breathing tube" which was used caused some complications. They knock you out with a heavy benzo dose and you sleep through the major withdrawals. For many it has been a godsend. I wouldn't do it though because being put "under" scares me. Too many things can go wrong. Now there are rapid detox places in strip malls.....that is too scary. A normal detox will help you get through the difficult first phase. They'll probably give you some benzos and some darvocette in the beginning. Try to stay away from a psych ward detox place as there are real crazy people there and mentally it is kinda difficult to handle.

 
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