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Old 10-03-2004, 03:32 AM   #1
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Join Date: Oct 2004
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IceProdigy HB User
Please help me, I think Im having long term affects from crack

I was about to go to sleep tonight, but i just can't stand it anymore, I can see clearly that I am having long term affects from my previous drug usage... Last summer, I was using Crack, I have used it roughly 30 times, but in a short period. I have used Meth before, shrooms, cannibus, DXM, Alchohal, and smoke cigarettes daily.. I have overcome all of these drugs, but only recently, I have quit hanging out with my old friends because I don't want to be around it anymore!

Just recently I have been having a craving for crack. Only I am able to withstand this monster, however, I have memory loss, not huge memory loss, but I forget peoples names easily, even if I have known them awhile, this isnt severe, but I have seen myself doing it, I am anti-social, because I have given up all of my passed friends, because I don't want to use drugs anymore. So I have myself today, feeling lost and lonely. I want a relationship with a woman, but I dont think I'm ready to, I'm currently 17, 3 months I will be 18, I'm afraid I have messed up my mind permentalely, the worst part, is I still have enough wit to realize what I have lost, and thats more pain then losing it all to me! I used to be so smart, now I sit today with no goals, Im extremely lazy, Im alone, and I have no support, my Father and sister and I fight constantly (arguements) and Its really stressful. I dont wish to end my life, just because I will die anyways, and I fear that nothing comes after life and that it would be a waste, I would rather just die when I it comes.

Anyhow, I want to recover! I want to be me again! I wish I had never done these drugs!!! they have ruined me!! I want to be smart like I used to be, but I don't know how I can do this... I dont know.. just call this a desperate cry for help! I'm putting this in as much detail as I can so that perhaps someone here can help me somehow. I don't know if I need physciatric help or what, I don't know how to get it. On the computer it is so easily for me to say how I feel, but in person, I just cant think of things to say, I stumble over my words, I dont stutter, I just dont talk much because I have no opinion ever on whats being said, either that, or I do, I just dont know how to voice it.. I dont know what kind of help I need, I now know that the cause isnt any of the other drugs, I didn't use them like my friends did, I used them alot less, luckily for me. I quit using crack so easily because I seen how my friend was.. after using it for years.. he was... empty.. completely fried his brain... WILL MY BRAIN RECOVER??? please help me someone... please.. if there is a caring person out there.. please tell me how I can recover! THERE MUST BE A WAY!

Sincerily, Jeremiah

 
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Old 10-03-2004, 05:07 AM   #2
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Join Date: Jul 2004
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goddessgrl65 HB User
Re: Please help me, I think Im having long term affects from crack

Jerimiah-
Honey-please take a deep breath and relax..
I know where you are at-cos i kicked drugs at 19-feeling scared-about my body/brain-and the damage done.
You are now clean-you have done the right thing..
What you are experiencing now-is severe anxiety..due to coming off all these substances.
Crack-is extremely mentally addictive..so thats why you are craving.
The pot/shrooms-well-there easier to come off of-but surprisingly-the NICOTINE..thats the one that really hurt..i was filled w/ paranoia-anxiety..for over a year.
I suggest you get into one/one therapy-drug counceling to help ease you out of your addictions-give you some tools to handle it.
I promise you your brain is fine-still intact-and you can acheive everything you want from life-
But you need some help-to overcome the fears/and help you deal w/ your anxiety.
Hold on-you are fine..id bet my life on it..
I have a friend who was addicted to crack for 2 yrs-spent over 50,000.00-on it..he is ok-he stopped-move to a new state-bought a home-started a business-never looked back.
If you stay far from drugs-you will have a good life-your memory loss-is partially due to coming off all these substances and your nervousness-
You will meet a nice girl when the time is right-and you will make new friends not in the drug world.
The beauty is you are young and got the whole world in your pocket.
Get some help-and live a good life-w/ new friends-and feel strong in that you were able to break out.
Consider yourself-a man of honor-strong and ready to take on new adventures-life is yours...
ggrl

 
Old 10-03-2004, 05:51 AM   #3
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Join Date: Sep 2004
Location: North East, USA
Posts: 100
Vanguard HB User
Re: Please help me, I think Im having long term affects from crack

Glad that you're realizing your problem and trying to stop at a very young age. It may be hard, and I'm not trying to discourage here, because you are surrounded by peer pressure. But you're smart enough that you have a problem and actively avoiding "friends" that have major influences on you.

I'm not an expert here (a newbie) and also trying to get help from the people from this board. When you wrote that you want to be yourself again without drug. That really triggered me to respond to your post. Because that's what I have been missing too. And so is meeting new friends and that new girl too according to Goddessgrl65 Although I have to say that I was not surrounded by any "friends" that share there expertise in "pharmacy," it was all my doing. I guess want I'm saying that meeting new people, not being a recluse, and actively looking for that special girl/s are something you should consider.

Family can be surprisingly helpful only if you accept that you have a problem and would like to get help.

Best of luck!!!


-Van

 
Old 10-03-2004, 06:37 AM   #4
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Join Date: Oct 2004
Posts: 13
IceProdigy HB User
Re: Please help me, I think Im having long term affects from crack

Family is a problem, as a matter of fact i just got done trying to finish watching a show, my dad woke up complaining and bitching, really got ****** off, now in my room listening to music and on here.

Yeah finding the right girl is hard, I've been through alot that didn't even have a play in my life.. I think perhaps that I need a girl my own age.. 15-16 that haven't lived half the life I have just won't cut it for me.

I really appreciate the help, I feel a cofidence with myself growing, and I think I may be on my way to a good life.. hopefully.. its all I want is to be happy, all anyone wants.. I just have a tougher situation to go through to get it, perhaps It will be the price I pay to live in a happy life for the rest of my life. Well Im going to get off, dunno what to do though, I live a fairly boring life. used to be exciting, but I hated the drug part of it. Well cya later and thanks for the help, Ill still come back everyonce and awhile.

-Jeremiah

 
Old 10-03-2004, 06:39 AM   #5
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IceProdigy HB User
Re: Please help me, I think Im having long term affects from crack

oh and I'd like to add, I always enjoyed smoking pot. I just can't enjoy it anymore. Before when I'd use it, I'd feel happy, and no worries.. now I wonder if I've found a personality and I get into a mind battle. So I dont use it anymore, well occasionally I guess, I used it 2 days ago, but I have cut down from my past everyday usage.

 
Old 10-03-2004, 06:53 AM   #6
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Posts: 13
IceProdigy HB User
Re: Please help me, I think Im having long term affects from crack

I Just sat back and thought, and I have realized that my problem most likely isn't just the drugs. I believe it may be stress... I've realized that all my life I have been through it. My mother abrubtly leaving my life at a young age, my father recently going insane with anger, not being in any sort of loving environment. I now know the only way to get out of my current situation is to get out of this situation. Its not something that should be dealt with.. I don't believe its possible.. I think that stress has had a major impact on my life... I recall situations like the judge ordering me to 9-12 months in a pre prison academy, and all the other things I've been through, and then I thought about the real reason why I started using drugs.. When I first started using marjiuana, it helped deal with my stress, as well as cigarettes, It no longer helps, and I'm still stressed, perhaps I just harmed my body, and now I'm recovering it from it, as well as being stressed, its alot to bear.... I hurt alot.. not physically.. but in my heart.. I went from being loved when I lived with my grandparents... to feeling like I'm hated, in the passed I've hated it so much that I've nearly killed myself, and used the mystery of life as an excuse.. I wanted to know what came after life... because I'm not satisfied with my current life... I hope things get better... I really do.. and I'm going to use my willpower and my freedom, to try and arrange the life I want... I don't know if I can do it alone, but damnit I'll try. Well I think im going to go for a walk and then sleep. Goodnight all.

I'd also like to add that I've tried helping my father.. but now I realize i must cure myself before easing anothers pain.. and perhaps that burden is too strong for me.. it must be done at his own will. I pray that he can find a way out.. only thing im worried about is that hes not trying, and I am.

Last edited by IceProdigy; 10-03-2004 at 06:55 AM.

 
Old 10-03-2004, 10:27 AM   #7
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Join Date: Sep 2004
Posts: 77
octomon HB User
Re: Please help me, I think Im having long term affects from crack

Hey J,
I can tell by your words that you're an extremely thoughtful, intelligent person. You sure have had a rough go of it with the drugs and family life, but you do sound like you have been able to process the things that have been thrown at you, and are making more responsible, mature decisions now - and THAT is what matters. Stay off the drugs, they have not permanently 'damaged' your brain, but your brain chemistry does need to slowly adjust to being clean, so try to be patient. Anyway, knowing the kind of 'friends' you were hanging with, maybe it's best that you don't remember their names! ...sorry

If you really feel you aren't able to articulate/verbalize your thoughts in person with a therapist or counselor, can I suggest you start by printing out or writing down just what you wrote here, and simply read it to someone who can help you. This will get you started talking about things, and you absolutely NEED to get counseling to help you through this crisis time.

In the meantime keep coming back here because there are really great & smart & caring people here who will help to support you. And try to remember this VERY important fact: That LOVE you felt from your grandparents - THAT is normal. THAT is what you deserve and WILL have in your life. Your father's anger is NOT normal, and he's obviously not stable. I know it's hard but try your best not to get pulled into his angry world. It is not for you. You want to give & receive love. This is what you are about. And you are stronger than the anger and stress around you - believe it.

peace,
octomon

Last edited by octomon; 10-03-2004 at 10:30 AM.

 
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