froggirl

Hi, guys, heres the story: I've been a Vicoden/Lortab/Lorcet user/abuser for about 5 years. I have a medical need for it, I have severe lower back pain and get in trouble w/ my doc when I try to go off of it, cause he says its the only thing thats going to bring me relief w/o surgery, and we don't want to do that yet cause I'm only 26. he even tried to get me to move up a notch to oxys, but I've heard how addictive they are and I know I have an addictive personality, so I won't do it. But anyway, every month I get a RX for Vicoden. This month was especially difficult, (I live in Fla, and unless you've been living under a rock, you know that we've had 4 hurricanes in the last 6 weeks) everytime we get weather like that, w/ the pressure changing and all, my back gets even worse. Well, this month I went through my RX way too fast {learned a good leason about never doing that again, though}. Anyway, I have exactly 1 week till my doc appointment. I haven't taken anything (except some old Tramadol/Ultram I found in a drawer) for a week. I had been so scared about what it would be like to stop taking the opiates. Suprisingly, I was ok. I felt sort of off, but nothing like I was afraid I'd feel. Till today. I want a vicoden so bad, I would eat one off the floor, that was covered in dirt and nasty stuff. I have never wanted one this bad in my life. I just want the comfort feeling they give me. Why was I fine for almost a week, then, BAM, I feel like I'm dyin. (Or atleast wish I was). I know I am addicted to these things, I just don't understand. Is it possible that my wd's are going to start now??? God, I'm scared. I can't do anything to get my mind off of this. I can't sit or lay down in a comfortable position. I have valium (doc gives me that for muscle spasms, I usually don't even fill the RX, did a couple of days ago to try to take the edge off going cold turkey), should I take that? I know that you aren't really supposed to trade one pill for another, but trust me, I couldn't ever get addicted to valium, I don't even like them that much. After this week, I won't even renew my RX. What can I do? Everything just seems so hopeless, I feel like I've got a 200 lb ball-and-chain around my neck that I'll never be able to get rid of (the addiction and the fact that I (medically) need them). I don't feel like doing anything. I want to sleep until next Monday, till I know I'll get relief soon (unfortunately, its Mon the 11th, not tommorow.) If they were available, I already would have backslid. My fiance is at work (he works 12 hr shifts at night) and I don't like being here alone feeling like this. he knows what's going on, and he was so proud of me, for how well I was functioning, and I was so proud of me, and now its gone. I can't even function. Why? After a week? Should I just take a bunch of valium? Do I need to see a dr? Why is it like this? Sorry this is so long and scattered, its the way my brain feels.