You feel like you need "something", you feel like there is a void that needs to be filled. Unfortunatley that void for me happens to be in the shape of a little oblong pill
. I assume this is part of the psycological addiction you hear everyone talking about. I started with vicoden, then after a few years progressed to morophin, oxycotin, then duragisic patches (lots of times I would mix'n'match, making a pain-killer cocktail
. It took me a long time (5 years) to realize I was addicted. I tried to justify my narcotic abuse with back pain, but I was abusing as many painkillers as a terminal cancer patient would use on a bad day! I decided to stop, and I quit cold turkey. The worst part was that I was so ignorant I didn't even know what withdrawl was
, I didn't expect it, and what I went through was the most horrific experience of my life. After the physical withdrawl symptoms simmered down, I thought I was in the clear. I thought I would be able to continue life just as everyone else but in the back of my mind I felt something was missing, I needed something. I figured it out pretty quik what it was that I thought
I needed. I had to find a pill, I didn't care what it was, I felt like I had to have something to fill that void, I need something to make me whole. After that epiphony I was always taking something, tylenol, benedryl, motrin, nightquil, it didn't matter what it was, I had to take something. After a while the yearning got so intense I had to satisfy it, I knew what it was that my body really wanted. So I gave in
. It was as if I totaly forgot about the hellacious agony I just went through. It didn't matter, as soon as I swallowed that first magic pill I knew something was different, I knew this was going to be the one to make the pain go away, an it did. Just one more, Just one more, just one more. If you are an addict you know exactley what I mean. So the cycle started again, and then it stopped again, and started again. I continued playing this game until recently. I would sit here at the computer and look at this board, I would just read and be envious of the people brave enough to post, I would be envious of the people brave enough to tell thier loved ones, or those brave enough to go seek help elsewhere. Your courage gave me courage. I told everyone that mattered to me! I can't let them down this time. YOU NEED A SUPPORT SYSTEM!!! It is near impossible to go through this alone. I am not alone anymore. Wish me luck! I'll be around.