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Old 10-07-2004, 10:54 AM   #1
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Twinlynn HB User
Question Yoohoo! Goddessgrl?!? (..and some other M.I.A.s!)

Goddess - I know you've been feeling low...but you are conspicuously absent this week! So....just doing a little Navy Seal radar check (LOL!) to make sure all is basically okay. (I know how unappealing writing can be when depression sets in.) Here's Mr. Jester--to make you smile.....

Also....Dallas Alice? Check in!!

And, Banker?? Come get some support to help you with your Sub. withdrawal. You've helped so many others...now, let them help YOU.

Hydroqueen?

And--has anyone seen a post from Chef. He literally disappeared after his depressing Florida post and I keep checking, hoping he's okay.

There are quite a few others who haven't posted in a long time, as well. And I do think about you. :-)

Please just send the occasional one-liners to this worrywort.

 
Old 10-07-2004, 01:16 PM   #2
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Vanguard HB User
Re: Yoohoo! Goddessgrl?!? (..and some other M.I.A.s!)

Wanna say hi to everyone! We care about you!


Van

 
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Old 10-07-2004, 07:12 PM   #3
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DallasAlice HB User
Re: Yoohoo! Goddessgrl?!? (..and some other M.I.A.s!)

Hey Twin!

I'm here, just haven't had much computer time lately, and given that I can NEVER seem to write something short and sweet...I always say to myself, "I'll have to post later because I don't have an hour right now." Anyway, I am fine, just finishing my 3rd week of my new job--admin. asst. in a real estate office (definately a livelier bunch to be around than at the mortuary...LOL!) I do like it, not the best pay but I do have health insurance that is paid for by them 100 %. Actually, I have a quandry about that I've been thinking about posting--hmmm, no, I'll wait till later when I can be on longer...

I just read Christianmom's thread part one, and I have so much I want, and need, to say to her. She's always been there for me, and I can understand so much of what she's already expressed, that I feel we had parallel lives at some points. She's so full of love, and I sense that she only just needs some given back...beyond what her children can give, you know?

I have also wanted to post to you and Twin Alice about what you mentioned regarding going on sub?!? That would be so cool! I have thought of you laid up still with your foot, getting cabin fever, and having w/ds at the same time (talking about your oxy post) and wondering if that time off and time alone, ok somewhat alone what with that sister of yours always poppin' in! (I imagine it's like "Friends" with you 2 in the same bldg. and all, I'm envious of your closeness ). So are you back to hydro or still dabbling in the oxys? Or did you go further with the w/ds and get to a point of being off both for awhile? I'll talk with you about it anytime. I remember when I was in "decision-making" mode, I would go back and forth, back and forth, and finally, it would be too much to think about, so I'd take a few pills, get that warm-all-over feeling that made me so creative and things seem not so bad, and I would realize I'd just made my decision...well, at least for that moment. I see now that creativity was mostly in my mind. I had a lot of great ideas but none that came to fruition. Although I will say it made doing jobs like cleaning the bathroom and sorting out closets and such a much less drearier task ) It does seem that I do get more done now, but maybe it's just that I'm more aware of what it is I'm actually doing with my time??? Anyway, I so can relate to the decision-making part, and to the relapse part, and to the "what the heck, I'll stop later" part, and all of it. It's only been 11 weeks for me, and throw a relapse in there, too, so I'm nowhere near being "clean," but I do love the not thinking about the pills part. My debt is getting cleaned up little by little, and I'm no longer adding to it. I've also weaned down from 45 mgs. a day of the benzo I've been on for 15 yrs. (the one my dr. gave me for post-traumatic-stress Syndrome) down to 15 mgs. So that's a savings of $80/mth. alone. And I just didn't think I needed them anymore. I tried going down to 7.5 mgs. a day, and I felt like ****, so I upped it back to 15 and I go see him on the 12th. The meth costs me $180/mth. vs. the $3-500/mth. I was putting on my credit cards, so at least I can pay that up front. I still dream about the pills, though, it is soooo weird! I have dreams about them almost every night. I asked my counselor about it, and he said that was not unusual and the dreams should stop eventually, so we'll see. I wake up drenched, (probably my menopause, too) and scared. This is the time I don't always like being alone...

Well my friend, thanks for mentioning me in your post. I thought I promised you all I'd never go MIA on you again . Just know I'm always here behind the scenes reading--and writing when I get the chance. Ok, tick tock, a half-hour+ just went by--writing to you all is like some time warp thing happening. I remember when time went so very much slower...you know, like "darn, I took those 10 minutes ago, shouldn't they be kicking in by now?!"

I always meant to tell you how much I related to your writing about your shopping when on pills...LOL! Man oh man, the things I've bought! And you have to keep me away from eBay, OMG, I would sit for hours searching and bidding and spending (with the pills in me, I could walk the mall longer, sit at the ebay screen longer, and shop till you drop longer than anyone.) I sound like a shopaholic! But now I never, (truly never) even go to eBay or the mall anymore . I sure made a mess of things, but one day I will go and I will buy without feeling guilty that I'm spending money I don't have (and who knows what size I'll be by then...I will surely be buying in the "misses" dept, as the "juniors" have left me in the dust! ) Plus since I've been on the meth, I have developed a HUGE sweet tooth! I mean to tell you!! I never ate the kind of stuff I'm eating now...muffins, and giant cookies, and donuts...it's been years since I've tasted those things. I guess I was secretly missing those things while on the vikes, because then I was a soup, jello and crackers person! Well those things and a bowl (or 2 or 3) of cereal...but not the "Sugar Frosted Chocolate Bombs" I'm eating now! Yikes! I did read, though, that some tend to gain weight on both the meth and the sub, so maybe this is what that's about?! Oh well, it tastes good, and I don't own a scale. Sorry for the rambling, but it's just always so good to "talk" to you!

Love ya,
Dallas Alice

 
Old 10-08-2004, 04:20 AM   #4
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goddessgrl65 HB User
Re: Yoohoo! Goddessgrl?!? (..and some other M.I.A.s!)

Hi Lynn-
My "mich puchin"..
Hilarious..when you try to write yiddish..
Thanx for callin' me outta my shell..
I had my last appt.w/ my beloved therapist-who is now gone...such a sad goodbye.We worked thru some very intense stuff-and i thank you lynn-for being there-when i screamed for help..
She gave me such a personal parting gift-i cried like a baby-she gave me the cognitive behavioral bible.."Feeling Good".. David Burns-but her worn version-she copy from-loved and carried w/ her since college.She used to explain-to her patients that 'she couldn't lend it-cos it was beloved-i know she wanted to give something from the heart-she did.You know books-and how you can attach..
Anyway-ive been a little quiet since-wondering whats next-in my recovery plan/life..etc..
Yesterday-for some reason-was mentally taxing-even my son-we all pouted-then out came the digital camera-we were screaming w/ laughter..he/i-taking pics of each others funny faces-the dog-and finally we laughed ourselves out of sadness..hes the best-thank GODDESS..for the love that young man brought to my life..Im reading a new book-a friend gave me-about how narcissistic parents form/deform-talented kids..its 70s styled..freudian psych.
Woody where are you!!!!
More about what our parents did to us-cos..it couldn't be me there talking about..lol...im not exempt/ill take responsibility.
Have you decieded what to do bout the sub?Did you go to the appt yet-or were you just considering?
You know-you guys might be better off going to detox-and try that first-before you commit to suboxone.
I should have gone to detox myself-but everytime i did i messed up-i got those "2 years clean by home detoxing"...im just so stabilised on the sub-but we are technically down to 1 and 1/2 mgs-im on 3 mgs..a little behind.
Hows your foot-are you up and around yet?I hope you are feeling better everyday..and honey-you are a darling!
Thanks for bringing me out..
((((big hugs))))
goddessgrl

 
Old 10-08-2004, 10:38 AM   #5
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christianmom HB User
Re: Yoohoo! Goddessgrl?!? (..and some other M.I.A.s!)

DallasAlice,

I have to thank you for posting what you did regarding my post (have I confused you yet??? LOL). I came back on late last night to delete what I had wrote, but after reading this particular post of yours...I was not only in full-fledged bawling mode (crying because I felt as if you actually understand me, and that made me feel so good), but I also decided~ once again~ to keep my post alive. I have had so many bad experiences sharing thing with "so called" friends...so I'm so hesitant to share here..even though I know this group of awesome people consists of kind-hearted, non-judgemental, caring people. I've actually been accused of being "whiney" and "ungrateful" because I've complained about certain things in my life (mainly, my marriage/relationships with my parents/family, etc). I was told that I am now an adult, so anything and everything that happened in my past is irrelavant to my life now, so to "get over it" and stop throwing myself a big pity party. I know you for one would disagree with that statement, as I recall reading about certain circumstances from your past that have caused you great turmoil, or conflict in your life presently (at least, I believe I recall reading something along those lines!!!!). Of course, all of this came from a parenting message board, where the women literally tear each other apart argueing over breatfeeding vs. bottlefeeding, spanking (anyone that spanks might as well be the devil as far as some of them are concerned), circumsizing boys, getting a girls ears pierced before she is 18, etc., etc...you get the picture. Posting on those boards just left a bad taste in my mouth though....especially after being involved with one in particular in which I was a member for over 2 years...my husband and I were having MAJOR difficulties, I was suffering from SEVERE depression, etc...and many of them attacked my like you wouldn't believe. Anyway, that is a long, ridiculous story..so I'll stop about that now! LOL! I just felt the need to explain why I've been so hesitant to share with group. I do promise to continue with what I had started last night...although it might be in "nightly installments"~ LOL.

Once again, thank you so much for showing your concern...it really did mean the world to me (you have no idea!!!). And I do hope you respond to me at some point....after I post again, or whatever. I always love hearing what you have to say..and I too truly believe that we have much in common when it comes to past experiences.

I hope and pray you are having a terrific day....and that includes ALL of you!!!! I truly do care about each and everyone of you, and once I become more comfortable posting, sharing, contributing, etc...I do promise to also be more supportive to each one of you individually. Just because I don't post to you though, know that I do read the posts..and I do pray for all of you.

 
Old 10-08-2004, 11:33 AM   #6
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octomon HB User
Re: Yoohoo! Goddessgrl?!? (..and some other M.I.A.s!)

DA, I had to laugh when I read your ebay story. Jeez I spent so much time there when on the oxy. Ironically, I was making a LOT more money when I was high. Because I had two things I'm struggling to regain as a 'clean' addict - patience & focus. Plus I needed $$ to support my habit. My income dwindled when I stopped - which of course is ultimately the result of being an addict, NOT because I cleaned up.

So nice to read posts from y'all. Bless you.

-octomon

 
Old 10-10-2004, 10:57 AM   #7
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DallasAlice HB User
Re: Yoohoo! Goddessgrl?!? (..and some other M.I.A.s!)

Hi again,

So I am not the only one who shops like crazy while on a hydro-shopping spree, I see...and Lynn, oh my gosh, how I laughed at your description of the closet cleaning! What you wrote was just too funny...but you are so right! Once I wrote that I thought I took pills to make the ordinary things a little less ordinary, and now that I've heard the same from others, I suspect that statement is true. Never has a house shined more than when put through a hydro-induced cleaning! I literally puttered my time away all day in the house moving and rearranging and saying "does it look better this way?" followed by a "no, what it needs is that picture that's been in the basement for 10 yrs., so I need to get it out NOW and hang it up...that's the perfect spot," which would then lead to a basement cleaning because I couldn't find the picture for the mess and I'd forgotten what it was I went down there for in the first place!? The dishes and the laundry could wait, I needed that picture right then and finding it had become the most important task of the day...LOL!

Octomon, "eBay, take me away!" What I would do now with the time and money spent on depression glass! Not that it isn't pretty and all, and I do love collecting it--have for years--so to heck with the utilities--who needs electricity or a phone when there's a Moonstone crimped opalescent bowl I MUST have up for bid, and for which I will sit and outbid anyone...even if it means popping pills and staying here all night! What is that saying? If only I knew then what I know now? But I must say, I have quite a nice collection wrapped up in newspaper and boxed up somewhere...

So to add a couple of others to the MIA list...I still wonder whatever became of BCBurnabyBabe, but she's been gone over a month now, so I wonder if we'll ever hear from her again? I see some posts that scream for her knowledge of detox and rehab and her wealth of information from her working in that field. I haven't seen WICHRIS lately, and Banker...? Maybe they're around and I've just missed their posts somewhere? I just thought of Staceyy...I remember her last post being somewhat disturbing, wasn't she in the hospital? And Chef, every time I hear about the hurricanes, I wonder how he is affected. His last post sounded like he, once again, lost a lot, but this time not due to drugs but to an act of nature. I hope he is feeling okay physically...never did quite get what he meant about his injury? It was nice to see Philster post on the thread for those who had lengthy clean time...he's just such a nice guy and so positive in the way he sees the world. I wonder about Root, maybe he is posting on the pain mgt. board? And Lisa, I know you are busy, but come out, and give us a smile when you can...I love your posts! That goes for you, too, Miss Michelle, please don't be "gone with the wind" so long again, okay? When I think of Lisa, it reminds me of her friendship with a couple of other MIAs...Willow and Deerme.

I suppose people come and go from here for lots of reasons, and I think some of the "old timers" just stick with us and we don't ever forget them. I like to think they still read the boards, and I hope they all know how much they've done for the newbies and everyone else. I had been reading this board for a year before I ever posted, so I feel like I know them all as much as those who were posting to them did. I enjoyed coming here and reading everyone's stories, but now I really appreciate what I get to give and receive as a posting member much more. I am amazed that a forum on the internet gave me the "push" I needed to address my addiction. I think that says a lot for how powerful this board, its members and their words really are, you know?

Goddess Girl, I'm happy to see you back and posting...we need all of the ole' hipster sisters input here that we can get . You sound good, and I am sorry for not posting to you about your loss of your therapist. When a bond is formed that is so close and you lose someone who has journeyed with you for so long, I suspect it is very sad. I think the book she gave you was a wonderfully sentimental gift--it sounds like it is a treasure, and how fortunate you are to be the keeper of it now...

Lynn, thanks for starting this thread and for expressing your thoughtfulness to those who sometimes need to know that they are missed. So to all the posters, new and old, take care of yourselves and be good to one another,

Love,
Dallas Alice

 
Old 10-10-2004, 12:03 PM   #8
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Best Friend HB User
Re: Yoohoo! Goddessgrl?!? (..and some other M.I.A.s!)

<<What I would do now with the time and money spent on depression glass! Not that it isn't pretty and all, and I do love collecting it--have for years--so to heck with the utilities--who needs electricity or a phone when there's a Moonstone crimped opalescent bowl I MUST have up for bid, and for which I will sit and outbid anyone...even if it means popping pills and staying here all night! What is that saying? If only I knew then what I know now? But I must say, I have quite a nice collection wrapped up in newspaper and boxed up somewhere..Dallas Alice>>

Dallas Alice....LOLOLOLOLOL!!!! AAAAHHH, the BOXES!!!!! But who needs to unwrap the stuff once you've got it!! Silly girl! The important thing is that YOU OWN IT! Your job is DONE!! By the way, in MY situation, combine 'highs' with OCD disorder and you got one SICK EBAY PUPPY! I've finally learned to stay off of Ebay....well....usually! My 'thing' was antique dog stuff, from snuff bottles to old books to figurines to whatever! Lynn says I need one of those "Lovely to look at, delight to hold, but if you should break it, consider it sold" signs in my apt.
Da Other Alice (with lotsa boxes in my closets)

 
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