Hey Guys remember me?? I have been lost and swimming in a sea of Oxy's I need help... Last I talked to you guys I was only taking 60 mg.'s a day. Then I quit talking or reading and NOW today I took 140mg. I am drowning fast. The worst part is I almost out for like 10 days...so how do I taper with only seven pills left for 10 days. I know I know rehab would be the best option but
I can't do it, not yet, my family would be so dissappointed. I ncan kick this myself I know I can I just need some advice on tapering. Should I start swallowing them whole? And I have a perscription of xanax and Klonzipan will those help with the withdrawls...I can't believe I let myself get this out of control...it's not even fun anymore, it quit being fun ALONG time ago...I really want to stop, but rehab causes major anxiety right now....any advice would be a life saving device for me drowning in a sea of Oxy's!!!
Hi-sorry to hear things have gotten out of control-but thats the nature of opiates-tolerance..and it gets more insidious as time goes on-
my advice to you is you can try to taper-take a pill a day-but you are still gonna be out-before the 10 days-i guess-its detox at home-or detox in patient.
I understand you are afraid-but couldn't you get away for a week-tell your folks you are going to visit some friends-vacation?
Don't fear detox-honest-its people that are going thru exactly what you are-plus you get some rest/info/meetings/supervision..
The problems w/ opiates-it never ends in terms of tolerance-you'll be at 300 mgs-and up-i know-i couldn't stop myself-if i had money/access-i bought and used-as much as i could-looking back i was totally out of control..
i could give you war stories-but whats the point-this is about you getting clean.
Gotta start w/ detoxing the poison from your system-and its alot more comfy in a detox.
All I can tell you, is that you are definately going to have withdrawls if
all you have is 7 pills and cant get any more for 10 more days.
That kind of crazy stuff is why I quit taking them and got help.
The good/bad thing about this board is that many of us have been right where you are. In my case, EXACTLY where you are. I can tell you very definitively two things:
One: Oxys are the hardest thing in the world to taper from. As you know, they have a grip, a power so strong, us mere humans are puppets to them. If you are able to taper and get clean by yourself, you will have accomplished the impossible. I don't want to cause you more anxiety, but I have to give you my honest feedback. And yes you will be a mess in withdrawal and anxiety - and what do we do when we feel anxious....pop an oxy. This is the vicious cycle. Hercules himself would need help. You are NOT a weak or horrible person for being addicted or needing help. It's just a MEDICAL reality.
Two: I was terrified to tell anyone of my health crisis with oxy. It was the number one biggest fear I've ever had...that someone would find out. The result of telling the people I needed to? Complete liberation, relief and the exhileration of knowing it was the first day of the rest of my life. That I was now SAVING my life and not destroying it. Yes it was difficult. Yes it hurt those who loved me initially, but please remember - Those who love you would run into a burning building to bring you out, to save your life. By confiding in them, you are giving them permission to help you out of that burning building. This is your LIFE your playing with. Getting clean must be your one & only focus. Everything else is details.
I don't know anything about you or those close to you, but all I can do is give you my own experience. It was so hard to take that first step and come clean about my disease to my closest friends and family. Yes it was painful, but doing this opened the floodgates of love and support like I had never felt before. And when it wasn't a secret anymore, I instantly had the power to win the battles and win the war. Isn't this what you want more than anything in the world right now? Isn't this more important than anything else?
You have a long fight ahead of you. It's NOT about those seven [Now probably 6?] pills you have left. It's not about the next few days. It's about the rest of your life, and you need to see your recovery from this perspective.
We love you. Because you're one of us. Because we feel your pain. We want you to win your life back. Don't try to treat a broken leg with a band-aid. You won't heal. Get the help you need. Look inside yourself and decide what you honestly need to do to win. Then take a deep breath and do it. It takes two seconds to grab somebody by the arm and say "I'm a drug addict". Then guess what? In an instant you're not alone anymore.
I can only tell you from experience is that I detoxed myself several times before I was able to stay off of vicodin which is an opiate like oxy. I did this because I was determined to prove to myself that I was not a "loser." Big mistake, I really caused myself alot of unecessary pain. I told myself this last time if I ever get start taking opiates again I am not going to hesitate to check myself in to a detox. Going it alone is possible but not necessary. Don't put yourself through this, you will find that most people are understanding and forgiving when it comes to this.
Oh my God. I totally feel for you. The wd's from oxy are (to me) the depths of living hell. I would really suggest that you check in somewhere. I will pray for you and send you strong thoughts, but please don't feel weak or bad if you just can't do it alone. There is no way that I could. The sickness, both mentally and physically are just to horrible to deal with. I am not trying to scare you and I don't want to make you feel any worse. But, the facts are the facts and I have never heard anyone say that going CT from oxy was a cake walk. Get familiar with your bathtub. I was in the warm tub every hour and a half. Get some movies. I became upset every time a commercial came on and don't get me started on being awake at 4:30 am when there is nothing on but infomercials. I am thinking about you. PLEASE STAY IN TOUCH.
I must agree with Octomom, telling someone anyone is the first step. God I remember when I had to make that phone call to my parents when I went into rehab. I was 24 years old, living 800 miles away and they had no idea what was going on. They knew I did some drugs and partied but had no idea it had gotten as bad as it did. After it sunk in, they ended up flying down to Florida where I was living to visit me in treatment. While telling them was one of the hardest things I ever had to do, it was a big relief. I am not gonna lie and say they were overjoyed, Yippee, my daughter the drug addict!!! They were confused, scared, I am sure dissappointed, but certainly no more than I was. It took a while for it to work out with them, but it did and when I finally go married, my mom was my matron of honor. Thats how close we got. You have to really want this. As they say, AA (or NA) is not for people who need it, it is for people who want it. The fact that you are reaching out, tells me you are there, you just need to take the next step. I truly don't think I could have done it without rehab (28 day inpatient). It was the best thing I ever did for myself. I have been sober for over 15 years now and have the life I always dreamed I would have but never could seem to get when I was using. Good luck.
YOu guys are such a tremendouse help just knowing you guys have/can do it gives me hope....but sometimes I almost think I'd rather be dead....Tomorrow is my last day with 40mg. than I'm done I have nerotuin. and xanax but I dont know what else to expect, I have no idea what I am embarking on and I am scared I have never felt so alone.....Thanks for all your support youguys, please let me know any advce you have, I guess I'll just haul up in my apt. for three days unplug the phone and suffer....How long until I am at least able to function? Does anyone know?
I would be lost with your words of support thank you I really dont know what else I can say....
Hi scaredhelpless....i just wanted to chime in here and tell you how "I" handle w/d's. STay busy, stay busy,stay busy. It sounds insane, i know, but it is the key to w/d. Believe me, i have endured it time and time again. You WILL be sick but the busier you are the lesser the symptoms. Get some immodium NOW, before this starts. You gotta have support right now...either here, or an AA or NA meeting. Keep a log of your feelings while you are going thru this, that way when you start craving and that little voice in your head tells you that it's o.k. to just take a couple...you can go back and read. It isn't gonna be a cake-walk but you aren't gonna die, and i have 3 kids and an over-worked hubby to take care of w/d or not. I am dealing with e-coli in our water supply so i will write more later......i hope you are hanging in there tomorrow. KEEP BUSY go for a walk today and try to look around and notice all of the things that the pills were taking away. It is amazing how much differently things look. You will see......hope i helped!!!!
have a good day,
Hey, I know what you are going through. I am going through the same thing. However this is not my first w/d so I know what I am in for. Lisa is right GET Immodium now. Also warm baths ease the intense irratibility signifacantly! you will find it very hard to sleep, I would load up on cough medicine and take it 24/7 for the first couple of days, if I was able to fall asleep it would only be during the day for a couple of hours, for me theres no chance of sleeping the first couple of days. Also you need to realize that when the W/D's start you will not want to go ANYWHERE! so it is important that if you need anything get it now! Also, if you cut up the what is left of your oxy's into quarters and spread out the doses you might be able to taper into w/d a little easier, but with such a limited supply its hard to taper. Not to mention that when you are addicted it's extremely difficult to taper, you always want to take more than you should and go out with "that one last HOoRah!" if you know what I mean. No one here want's to scare you, we want to help you get through this, but it is hard. If you have any questions or advice I'll check in, I'm no expert but I do have experience. Hang in there, but remember to be prepared (as prepared as you can be.)
I forgot to say, you might want to plan on more than three days to recover. If you need to go to work the flu is always a good cover. After all, you don't want to start a flu epidemic with the flu vaccine shortage
You guys ROCK! I can do this...It may be hell, but at least I am going to finally be through with it all.....I guess if I look at it that way its easier anything is worth being done with these little pink pills. I have everything I need I just took my last pill right now, so I guess by this evening it will all begin....I am scared, I do feel alone but you guys help me so much...I know I can do this I just hope I can stay away from the m once their refilled, I have access to 200 pills a MONTH it is going to take everything I have to get off these things, and stay off....butI know I have the strength. Thank you all so much I have no idea where I would be without this board....hmmm WHo'd of thought....THE LACK OF FLU SHOTS WAS GREAT...made me smile I haven't done that in a long while!
I am thinking about you and I will be praying for you tonight. Please, when you feel horrible, please know that there ARE people out there who are thinking about you and sending you good feelings. Also, there are others, even on this board, who are going through the EXACT SAME THING! I don't remember who posted, but someone was talking about a plaque that her mother gave her with these invaluable words "This To Shall Pass". IT WILL AND YOU BE STILL BE ALIVE AND WELL. I totally agree with the 3 day thing. I didn't start even feeling HORRIBLE until day 3. And I take approx 160 mgs a day. Get your cleaning done now, get your OTC meds and get some movies. Try to get a nice bath soap and spend plenty of time in the tub. Even if it's every hour. I will tell you that taking sleeping pills may sound like a good idea, but for me, it NEVER helped me sleep and actually made my muscles feel even weaker and my brain feel even foggier, so keep that in mind. I really am pulling for you. I wish I could be there to help. I really would. Be strong, sister. Please try to use this board to stay in touch. The last time I went thru this same thing, this board was invaluable. The people here can really keep you going thru some terribly tough times.